That night
by Kheledzaram
Summary: Shinji can't forget the events of the night before he and Asuka fought Israfel. He didn't realize it at first, but these events had more implications than he originally thought. And more importantly, they will have consequences.
1. Children's story

DISCLAIMER : I don't own Evangelion and all that.

_That_ Night

Another sleepless night in Tokyo-3 for the Third Child. He was laying on his bed, hid SDAT playing the same two tracks in his ears. He wasn't listening to them. He still automatically played them back to back, but white noise would have had the same effect on the boy.

It wasn't the first night he could not sleep, he was getting used to it by now, he thought. But he had more of them since _that_ night. And it was precisely what was keeping him awake right now.

Switching track on his SDAT, he recalled once again the events of his last day of sync training with Asuka.

Her genuine -or so it seemed, he still was not sure- happiness when she learned Misato wouldn't be there all night, followed by her usual fire coming back when she told him not to cross the "Impenetrable Wall of Jericho".

He remembered everything about that, her rather revealing outfit, emphasized by her position when she said it. This image was forever carved in his teenager's brain. Her curves which he could see from her cleavage in his peripheral vision -looking at them directly would have been a death sentence-, her skin, her beautiful face even through the rage she was expressing, her big blue eyes, her flamboyant hair. Seldom did he see her without her A10 headpieces. 'She's so gorgeous', he reminded himself once again.

With her hair down like that, she looked... More like a normal girl. Not the grandiose Evangelion Unit-02 Pilot she wanted everyone in the whole world to know she was, as she had told him. Just... Asuka Langley Sohryu.

It was precisely this idea which was keeping him awake. Again. When she whispered 'Mama...' right before he... tried to kiss her in her sleep. He wasn't too proud of that. But that wasn't important. This whisper was. He didn't realize at first. Thinking back to the abuse she put him through since she arrived in Tokyo-3... No ! She started even before on the Over The Rainbow ! His exasperation and frustration made him think she was a child just as much as he was. Nothing more.

It wasn't before several days had passed after they both destroyed the Seventh Angel that, playing this memory back in his mind during another sleepless night, it hit him. She _was_ a child like him. And these few seconds had more meaning than he grasped at first. It was a window. An opening which showed him, albeit for a brief instant, the _real_ Asuka. He learned that night that there was more to Asuka Langley Sohryu than an arrogant bitch. He just didn't understand it at the time. Her fiery temperament, her noisiness, everything she was was just an act... Okay, maybe not just an act, it was another part of her personality, which he also was attracted to, he had to admit, even if it made no sense to him. Moreover, there was something about her mother. He had to know what, they might not be that different in the end. Or maybe she just missed her, since she had to leave Germany to come here. He had no idea, she didn't speak very much about herself.

Since that night, he happened to ear her whimper in her sleep a few more nights through her sliding door. Seeing how her eyes had teared-up, he assumed that the story of her Mother was something that deeply scarred her. That it was not merely because she missed her. She never called her, she never even got mail. There had to be something more. But he couldn't know for sure. He had to ask her. He had to know. That train of thoughts scared Shinji a great deal. He never had a real discussion with her, and he _knew_ that if he were to ask her, he should wait for the right opportunity, or she would probably kill him on the spot.

That being said, she didn't look as terrifying to him anymore. Something was different, even though nothing had changed on the surface. She still pushed him and shouted at him every time she had the occasion, but he knew better. She was fragile, and the only logical conclusion as to why she acted like that was because she wanted to push everyone away. But Shinji didn't want to be away from her. Not anymore, he realized. He wanted to know the real Asuka, he was more attracted to her now that he realized that she was not only a pretty face.

There was something he knew though, through all these theories and conjectures. He was worthless. He was a coward. A weak, dishonest coward. Even if he found the courage to confess his attraction to the girl across the hall, how could she possibly reciprocate those feelings ? She was strong and brave. She never had second thoughts about going to battle, she even liked it ! And even if he was indeed right, there was absolutely no way she could share his feelings.

It always ended like this. It hadn't changed since the day his father abandoned him. He always came back to this conclusion. Except that now he was an Eva Pilot. He wasn't completely worthless anymore. People looked up to him to save the world. If he weren't, he would be nothing, just like he used to. But it didn't cheer him up. He hated being an Eva pilot. He hated that it was the only thing people saw about him. They didn't care about him. He was just a tool.

It wasn't long before the Third Child started to fall asleep from exhaustion. It was late, his thoughts were getting blurry, all remained were impressions, feelings. A tiny glimmer of hope engulfed in sadness and depression.

* * *

The next morning, Shinji did everything he could to hide how tired he was, it barely shown anyway, but he was sure Asuka wouldn't get off his back -not in the way he would have liked- if she saw him tired in the morning. He wouldn't hear the end of it. Baka, hentai, pervert, I know exactly what you were up all night doing, you better hope none of my panties are missing and so on and so forth. He knew so much about the Second Child that he was able to know beforehand what she would say to him to chastise him. 'Guess these days of sync training left a bigger impression on me than I thought'.

His determination helped him focus on not showing any sign of weakness. He had to know, to find this window into her heart and reach for it. To get to know the _real_ her. She could, and would, keep on abusing him at any given time, but it didn't matter. She didn't scare him as much anymore, and everything she could say could be the opportunity he was looking for. He just had to be patient.

'She's going to a blind date... It might already be too late'. He began to despair and this time _he_ was chastising himself. His usual behavior of not taking things head on had backfired yet again. He hadn't done anything in weeks. Even en Angel attacked ! 'Waiting for the right opportunity, she might be sucking faces with whatever jerk Hikari introduced her. Dammit !'

But he had other things to focus on. He went to visit his mother's grave with his father this day. Spending time with him had not been unpleasant, but he couldn't say much more than that. He was still as cold as ever. Seeing his mother soothed him though, in a way. It had been three years since last time. A visit to her grave was long overdue.

But as soon as he came back home, he couldn't occupy his mind anymore. He tried everything he could. He couldn't focus on his homework, so he decided to do the laundry, with Asuka's clothes... and underwear. He still did it, but it didn't help. He tried to watch TV but nothing managed to get his attention off the redhead and her jerk of a date. In a last-ditch effort, he went in his room and grabbed his SDAT. It always helped him escape the world and its worries, but it didn't prevent him from thinking. It never had and he knew that.

There was still something he hadn't tried. He picked up his cello case, retrieved his cello from inside and went to sit down on one of the kitchen's chairs. After a bit of tuning, he started playing. It had been a while since he had last played, so his first few notes were hesitant, but it soon came back to him. He lost track of time while playing, it worked on his thoughts, he was fully focused on the music. When he felt he shook off the rust enough, he started playing Bach's Cello Suite No 1. He loved this piece, how complicated it was, yet how beautiful, how every notes flowed, how it put this beautiful instrument at the center of attention. As the piece reached its ending, Shinji's mind was blank, he finally managed to get some peace of mind, nothing would disturb him...

Clap clap clap.

This sound brought him back in reality at the speed of light. Someone else was here. He turned his head and saw Asuka on the threshold of the kitchen. She was still applauding him.

"Not bad at all. I didn't know you played." 'She's here !' he thought. 'Something must have happened, it might not be too late after all !' He focused all his energy on not showing how happy he was to see her this early.

"I've been studying since I was five, but I'm not very good. I don't really have any talent." 'I have to know what happened, I have to ask her when I get the chance', talking about how he started playing cello helped him keep is composure.

"Perseverance is power. I'm impressed." 'Did she just... Compliment me ? If I had knew that would happen, I would have retrieved it earlier !'

"I started studying because my teacher told me to, but I could have quit anytime."

"So, why didn't you ?"

"Because nobody told me to stop."

"I should have known." 'Now is a good time, go !'

"You came back early, I thought you'd have dinner too."

"He was just so boring ! So, while he was waiting in line for the roller coaster, I left." 'Yes !' He was really happy when he heard that. Finally he could relax and stop thinking she would be even more out of reach than she already was. He had to keep is composure though.

"That's harsh."

"Really, Kaji is the only cool guy." And with that, Asuka shot him right through the heart. He was still a child, he was still not worthy enough for her...

* * *

Asuka was sitting on a chair, her head laying on her hand on the kitchen table. Shinji was seating on the threshold, reading while listening to his SDAT.

"Hey, Shinji, do you want to kiss me ?" she asked, her voice was monotone.

"What ?" Shinji heard what she said, but wasn't sure he actually believed it. He took off his headset.

"A kiss. A kiss ? You've never kissed a girl, have you ?" 'Where is this coming from ? And more importantly, where is this going ?'

He shook his head

"Then let's do it." 'This is a trick. This has to be a trick. She is just pushing me.' he thought, jumping when he heard her.

"But why ?"

"Because I'm bored" 'I don't buy it, I know where this is going. She's going to call me a hentai again... That being said... Maybe it's the only chance I'll get.'

"Is that a reason ?!" He knew he was blushing, he couldn't look her in the eyes.

"Do you not want to kiss on the anniversary of your mom's death ?" She was definitely pushing him now. And hurting him doing so. But this time he saw the opportunity he had longed for for so long.

"And what about _your_ mother, Asuka ?"

Asuka looked at him, her blue eyes wide. She was utterly shocked at Shinji's question. Where did that come from ? Tears already started gathering in her eyes, she was still looking at him, trying to come up with something to answer him. Something that would hurt him, preferably. But nothing came. After a few seconds, she stood up and stormed out of the kitchen and into her room. Shinji studied her reaction and felt guilty about how he brought it up. He saw how hurt she looked. Maybe he shouldn't have said anything. It was too late now, he couldn't let this be the conclusion of their discussion. He stood up and went to her room. The sliding door was ajar, it bounced back when she slammed it.

"Asuka ?" He said, entering her room, closing the door behind him and switching the light on. She was laying on her bed, facing the wall. Silent tears were rolling down to her pillow. She was not going to give the Third Child the satisfaction of seeing this, she thought. She was used to this, crying in silence, not showing anything.

"Go away !" She shouted with all the rage she could muster. And right now, she had a lot. 'Don't abandon me' her mind echoed. 'I don't want to be alone, it's a pain.'

"Asuka, it's really difficult to be around you sometimes."

"Then. Go. Away. Now !" Shinji shivered when he heard her shout, full of wrath, but there was something more too, her sadness. He wouldn't leave her like that. Especially because he was responsible.

None of them paid attention to the front door of the apartment sliding open and closing soon after. Misato wouldn't come see them anyway.

"No. And I won't apologize for what I said, " She smiled a little into her pillow when he said that, she hid it from him. "but I'll tell you something. My mother died when I was around three years old. Soon after, my father abandoned me. I was raised by a teacher outside of Tokyo-3. I have been alone for 10 years, no friends, nothing except my teacher. Today I went to visit my mother, and my father told me that she wasn't even there, that her grave was empty. He also told me that he destroyed everything about her. There are no pictures left of her, nothing..." his voice broke when a sob escaped his mouth "I don't even remember her !" he was crying now. He never told anyone that much about him.

Asuka sat on her bed when he finished, she was shook by his confession. It sounded really close to her own story, she thought. She looked at him for some time.

"... I... Shouldn't have... I didn't know..." It was her way of apologizing to him, he thought, but at that time he didn't care. He opened to someone, she listened and all this pain he built up inside finally broke out.

"Thanks for opening up to me", she said to break the silence, but she genuinely meant it. It was something new to her, and she wanted to understand why he did this. Sure, there was the obvious reason that he wanted to explain her how she hurt him, but that wasn't like him. When he was hurt... When she hurt him, he closed himself. That's how he reacted. He went to his room and listened to his SDAT. What did it mean ? Did it mean that they were friends ? It sure looked like that, but her guts told her there was something more. Was it because he trusted her ? 'Does he... Need me ? Does he care about me ? How much ?..' The thought was almost too much to handle. She already had it before. Mainly because as much as she picked fights with him, she cared about him too. He was always there, he always came back. Everyone in her life before just didn't care or gave up after being shoved a few times, but not him. And having seen him retort to her, sharing his secrets with her, she understood it was yet again Shinji Ikari reaching out to her. Like nobody ever did. This time she couldn't shove him away again, she had to think of something. Quick !

"Hey Baka ? Instead of a kiss, how about a hug ?" With the tone of her voice, it was clear that she wasn't insulting him this time, just a way to get his attention.

He nodded. He was crying a bit less now. She came closer to him and took him in her arms, she wasn't facing her so she was hugging her side. After a few seconds, Shinji shifted and hugged her back. They both relaxed in each other's arms. They could feel each other's warmth, but more importantly, they both felt warm inside. They both really wanted and needed that hug, so they stayed like that a long time, neither one of them wanted to break their embrace. Asuka broke the silence, however.

"Look at you, Third Child, finally growing a spine !" she said, mock-insulting him.

"I knew you had a heart, _Second Child _! He tried to put as much disdain as he could in those last words, but he didn't sound very convincing. They laughed against each other and stayed locked in their embrace for some time after before loosening their grip, but Shinji kept his arms around Asuka's waist, and she kept her arm around his neck.

This hug meant the world to Shinji, it had been as if time had stopped, that nothing else but them existed. He made the most of it, of the contact between them, her warmth, her scent... He hadn't been hugged since... He couldn't remember. And it was her that was hugging him ! His sorrow was a bit easier to cope with thanks to her. 'She has done this to reach out to me ! She would never have done this normally.' They just shared, no, they were still sharing a moment of genuine and thorough happiness together, right after they hurt each other and he let it all out before her. This moment was the happiest he felt in years. They were still hugging while looking in each others' eyes. He seemed to notice something different in them. He wasn't sure. Probably nothing, he thought. He couldn't analyze anything right now, he was still enthralled by her beauty, he wanted to kiss her. Right now. His mind raced. 'What's wrong with me ? Am I stupid enough to ruin everything because I would die to kiss her right now ? She looks so beautiful, il feels so good to be in her arms. You're still in her arms right now Ikari ! This has to mean something ! She could have let me go a -long- while ago, and I'm still discussing whether I should kiss her ?! But if I kiss her, she might go back to chastising me, she might lock herself away again. She would probably kill me for that kind of boldness. But then again, I would die with a smile on my face, so that wouldn't be so bad.' he thought amusedly. 'Plus, she wanted us to kiss earlier. Out of boredom, maybe, but that still counts, right ? Ah dammit Ikari, for once in your life, stop thinking and ACT !'

He leaned to close the gap between them and put his lips on hers. Surprised at this contact, she jumped and backed off reflexively, startling Shinji.

"Why did you do that for ?!" She didn't sound too angry, more surprised than anything.

Shinji, trying to conceal how pained he was at this sudden rejection, remained silent for a minute. He looked away.

"I... I wanted to make sure you weren't bored ?" This answer made her smile a little, but she wouldn't let go like this.

"No. I want a serious answer Ikari."

Shinji knew he couldn't escape. Not that his legs would have carried him right now anyway. He was scared, but he knew he had to stand his ground. He couldn't run away. Regaining his composure, he answered the Second Child after a few seconds.

"First, I've always been attracted to you. At least physically." He wasn't stuttering, he was scared, he didn't want to lose her, but he had wanted to say those words to her for so long that he emanated an aura of confidence that surprised him more than anyone else. "But then something happened... Do you remember the last night of our sync training ?

"When you kissed me in my sleep ?" She asked sarcastically. She didn't want to, she was _very_ focused on what he had to say, but her words escaped her mouth before she even realized they did.

"Tried to. Not that it is much better, but can we not delve on that for now ? Please ?" Now that it was out of the way, she focused back on his answer. He would pay her back for this attempted kiss, but she would wait. She nodded. "You cried in your sleep." he continued "About your mother. I didn't understand it at the time, but I later realized that there was more to you than what you showed. That I wanted to know the _real_ you. That the Asuka I knew was only what you agreed to show me. And I hated that you had nightmares like that. That the brave and confident girl in front of me could be so sad that it had to come out at night ! I wanted to help you !" He was tearing up again, which moved her. He truly was concerned about her. "That's why I asked you this question earlier. And that's also why I kissed you."

"It's been weeks since that night ! Why did you take so long ?" Some of her usual fire was back in her voice, as well as a tint of joy, almost bliss at what he had just said. He didn't notice it.

"I took the first opportunity I had. I couldn't come to you out of the blue and ask you about your mother !" he said defensively.

"That's kind of what you did."

"I know ! You talked about my mother, it just came out !"

"It was harsh."

"Again, it was the only opportunity I had in weeks to get you to open-up to me !"

'He wanted me to open-up to him. He truly cares about me.' This tint of joy was getting bigger and bigger as he kept justifying himself "And what good did it do, Third Child ? I haven't opened-up to you." She didn't know why, but she still had to push him. To test his resolve, maybe.

"But you did ! You're right, I don't know more about you than yesterday, but you apologized to me, you even hugged me !" He paused, looking back at her, she was smiling. "I don't want to push you, so if you don't want to tell me about anything you don't have to. I can wait. I'll always be there for you." He couldn't believe what he had said. It wasn't a confession per se, but it didn't leave much room for interpretation. He didn't even realize before saying this that it was how he felt about her. He closed his eyes as he expected the worst.

He didn't wait long as Asuka hugged him once again, more tightly this time. He hugged her back, surprised, but happy to feel her once more this close to him. After some time, she pulled back just enough to look him in the eyes.

"You know... I don't want to do this out of boredom anymore..." she said before leaning to kiss him passionately. He was even more surprised this time, but he went with it, with all his love. They stayed liked this for a long time, each expressing with this kiss the feelings they couldn't put into words. She finally broke it and leaned her head on his shoulder.

"... Baka." she whispered to finish her sentence, tears of joy forming in the corner of her eyes.

Author's notes : I guess I had wanted to write an EVA fic for a long time, but never brought myself to do it. This is the first time I write something, and the first time I publish anything somewhere, so please be kind to me !

What brought me to it was _Look At Me_ by Effybelle. I really liked how the characters' psychology was developed. My story is kinda similar in that way, I hope not too much though !


	2. Innocent when you dream

They stayed like this for a long time, locked in their embrace, both completely oblivious to the outside world. Both of them enjoying the other's warmth and silent comfort. Hence, they never saw the eyes watching them from the ajar door.

'Good for you kids !' Kaji thought before leaving, not willing to invade their privacy any longer, He walked away discreetly, leaving the apartment. He could have been the worst spy on Earth, the Children wouldn't have noticed him. They looked appeased, but it was only from the outside.

Asuka's mind raced. 'This feels nice... But I can't ! This is wrong ! Sure, he said some nice things, but this doesn't change anything ! He still is this pathetic little wimp ! This... _boy_ ! I want... No. I _deserve_ a man, a real man, like Kaji. This poor excuse even for a boy doesn't cut it ! It can't !' Even if she was arguing with herself, trying to come up with reasons, or excuses, to reject him, she was still holding him, her head comfortably nuzzled on his shoulder, and it was slowly rocking with his breathing. 'He's an insufferable doormat ! Always apologizing for nothing, always moping ! Yet I'm still in his arms, and I don't want to leave... I guess he can also be quite brave when we fight... And he saved my life ! He didn't hesitate one second before jumping inside a volcano without protection to save me. He caught me just a few seconds after the cable finally gave way, so he must have jumped even before he knew it would. Just to save me. Come to think of it, he's always been there for me... I keep pushing him away, like everyone else in my life, and he keeps coming back. And Gott knows I pushed him away. I've never addressed him without insulting him, I mean, he never answers back ! It's too easy ! I've even hurt him physically !.. And yet he keeps coming back... Could he _really_ mean what he said ? Could he... Love me ?.. He keeps coming back...'

"You know ? You're not as bad as I thought"

"Erm... Thanks ?" Shinji answered, not sure if it was meant as a compliment or and insult. She always had a way to make him doubt every "praise" she addressed him.

"Don't get me wrong, you're still just a dumb idiot. But I can't deny that all of what happened was kinda nice. But don't think that'll change anything !

'I know', he thought bitterly. She had broke their embrace and was gesturing to emphasize what she was saying.

"But you made a good choice !", she kept going, trying to sound as much as her usual haughty character as possible. "Maybe it could prove beneficial to you ! After all, it is _I_, Asuka Langley Soryu who kissed you ! You should feel honored ! And thankful that you are still alive ! Though I must tell you that I will kill you if you speak of these events to anyone... And maybe you'll be less of a wimp thanks to me ! Don't thank me. Even I, sometimes, am willing to help."

'So this is it ? It didn't mean anything to her ? It was 'kinda nice' ?' Shinji couldn't believe his ears. He felt his heart sink as his anger started to rise. 'This was the best thing of my life. I can't remember being this happy before and it was nothing to you ? Why do you always have to push me away ? Why can't you accept me ? I want to be close to you. Always ! But it hurts too much. Especially because I know the answers to these questions. I'm weak, I'm selfish... I'm a coward. Who could stand to be close to me ?' He visibly slumped as these thoughts formed into his mind.

"I should go back to my room... Good night." He said, defeated, his voice hollow as he stood up.

"No. Don't..." 'Abandon me'. Asuka whispered, turning away from him to hide her face, as she couldn't hide the fear and sadness at what he said.

He could have missed it, her whisper was barely audible, but he heard it as if she had shouted right in his ear.

'Asuka... What do you mean ? What do I do ? Are you still toying with me ? I want to stay with you Asuka. I want to get to know you. All of you... She kissed me. She held me... And now... I mustn't run away. I shouldn't run away... I...' He felt his resolve harden as his fist clenched and unclenched instinctively. 'I don't want to run away. Not from her.'

His decision made, he took a first step towards the door.

'He abandons me too. He is like everyone else. Like Papa, like Mama. I'm all alone, I've always been alone.' Asuka couldn't look in his direction. She tried not to show anything, but she knew that she wasn't very convincing. She heard the door close and after that, the light went off. That wasn't the right order, she thought, so she turned her head and saw Shinji's silhouette coming back to her bed. Relieved, she smiled at him, who barely saw it in the dark room, before shifting on her bed to leave him a spot and turned her back to him.

"You turn in the other direction too, and don't get any funny ideas, Third Child." she said, still smiling.

Shinji smiled too at this comment and laid on her bed. "Good night, Asuka."

.

.

When Shinji woke up, he wasn't surprised to see a once familiar ceiling that he hadn't seen since he got kicked out of his room by the same person he had shared a bed with last night. What surprised him, however, was that the redhead who claimed this room to herself had her head on his chest and an arm across from him. And that he was holding her too. He couldn't see her face but he knew she was still asleep for several reasons. First, it was still pretty early in the morning, even for him to wake up, which was the second reason. He always was the first one up, which gave him time to himself and also to prepare breakfast for the three of them. The third reason was that he hadn't been awakened by said redhead's fury. Because she wouldn't let this pass. Even after what happened last night. She told him not to get any funny ideas... And they are sleeping like _this _?

That being said, he quickly realized that he couldn't move. Not without waking her up. And Asuka wasn't known for her patience, especially in the morning. To prove his theory, Shinji tried a slight movement, which was quickly interrupted by the arm across him tightening its grip slightly.

'She seems so peaceful.' He thought, turning his head to look at the alarm clock. 'It's still early, I could go back to sleep for an hour or so... And if she wakes up before me, she might not be too mad. Wishful thinking, I know. But maybe she'll accept that we just finished like this during our sleep.' With that, he closed his eyes again and squeezed Asuka gently, making her purr contentedly.

.

.

'I haven't slept that well in ages ! Just having him next to me was enough to have a good night sleep, for once. I feel warm... And his heartbeat is really soothing... Wait ! Heartbeat ?

She opened her eyes and saw that indeed, she was in his arms, her head on his chest, and that it felt _very_ good. But he couldn't see this, nor know how it made her feel. He stirred a little when she extracted herself from his arms. She put a hand on his cheek and whispered "Thank you, Shinji." before waking him up too.

"Hey idiot ! My breakfast isn't going to make itself ! I know you'd looove to stay in bed with the most beautiful girl in Tokyo-3 for the rest of your life but we have school today !" She shouted, startling him, but he felt relieved when he understood what she said, and that she wasn't screaming at him for the position they were in when he woke up.

He left her room and went straight to his to put on his school uniform before heading to the kitchen to fix breakfast for himself and his roommates, he had to force himself to suppress the smile on his face, because he didn't want to have an embarrassing talk with Misato when she would wake up. It hadn't been too difficult, because he knew things would not come that easy. Not with Asuka... And not with himself... As much as he wanted to be with her, he knew that the most likely outcome was that he was going to mess everything up, so he decided to see how she would act first, which was a way of not admitting that he wasn't going to do anything.

Asuka was already in her school uniform and she locked herself in the bathroom for her morning routine. And for her part, she was back to her usual self. She was angry. Angry at him for everything that happened, but most of all, angry at herself for liking it as much as she did. 'Why did it have to be that good ? Dammit ! I should hate him ! I've always hated him !' She knew that last part was a lie, but today, she didn't want to think about the times when she genuinely was glad he was part of her life. Ready for the day, she stepped out of the bathroom deciding that she would be nice to him today and just ignore him, instead of what her instincts told her to do, which was to lash out at him.

Hence, the walk to school was quiet and uneasy. Shinji was looking at his feet, trying his best to hide his sadness, not daring to take a first step towards Asuka, feeling her anger. He knew how to read the signs by now, and he was certain that she was about to burst. They arrived in their class just seconds before it started and went to their respective desks without exchanging even a look.

The bell announcing lunch break startled Shinji, who couldn't make any sense of why Asuka was acting like she was. He spent the whole class thinking about it, looking as discreetly as possible in her direction. 'If she hated everything that much, why did she want me to stay with her last night ? Or why did she not say anything about how they must have woke up ? I really don't understand anything about w...'

"Hey Shinji ! Why the long face ?" Kensuke said while taking a chair and sitting in front of him.

"Yeah Shin-Man ! You look even gloomier than usual, did something happen with the Red Demon again ?" Toji added, sitting on one of the table, his feet on an other.

"Yeah..." Shinji answered with a low voice. " You could say that." He looked in the direction of her desk again, only to see that it was empty. 'She must have left to eat with Hikari' he thought.

"Tell us what happened !" Kensuke demanded rather loudly, before Shinji could go back to his thoughts.

"Screw that ! You can't let her boss you around like that Shin-Man ! It's time to man up ! Just go to her and tell the Red Demon what you think of her !"

"Yeah, like you did with her ? You want me to tell you how it ended when you did that ?" Kensuke smirked.

"It's not the same ! I'm not living with her !" Toji retorted. "Shinji can't let her do that, otherwise she'll make his life a living hell ! She already does !"

Shinji didn't answer, but Toji's words rang in his mind. He knew that he was right. That he had to face her to clarify everything. 'If I don't do anything, things will go back to how they were before. Maybe even worse. I have to talk to her after school.'

Toji and Kensuke were arguing about which strategy would be better against Asuka, and pretty much ignored Shinji as their conversation became more heated. He was glad for that, because he wasn't in the mood to talk. His mind went back to their kiss. 'If only they knew', he thought.

.

.

Asuka left class as fast as she could after taking her lunch from Shinji. She didn't want to see anyone. She didn't want to talk to anyone. She needed time to think. 'I don't get it ! I can't let him be near me ! I don't need anyone ! Especially not him ! But... I don't want him to leave. And I know he will ! He always runs away ! And if I accept him, he will as soon as he'll know how pathetic I am... He'll leave, just like everyone else left... But maybe... Aaaaaaaargh !

Her thoughts were interrupted by a pigtailed brunette.

"Asuka, you left in a hurry. Are you okay ?" asked Hikari, genuinely concerned about her best friend.

"Shinji pisses me off." She grunted, knowing that Hikari wasn't asking this question out of pity for her.

"What did he do this time ?", Hikari responded, her tone betraying her disapproval of Asuka's behavior towards her fellow pilot.

Asuka had troubles not exploding when she heard that question "What's that supposed to mean ?"

Taken aback, but not willing to let go, Hikari pressed "Well uhm... It seems that Ikari has a way of getting under your skin." She stated, amused at her own comment, but she didn't show it. She could see they both had a crush on each other, so she sometimes said comments like that, just so maybe Asuka would get the hint.

"It doesn't matter. You know how he is ! Just being close to this wimp is enough to piss me off. Some times he's just more infuriating than others."

"I think you're too hard on him. He's doing what he can to reach out to you." She knew when the first word escaped her mouth that she would summon her friend's anger, and since she was already angry, it wouldn't be long before she would storm out. Asuka always did that when she was too angry at her, because she didn't want to shout at her best friend... But this time she stayed, so Hikari was starting to believe that she pushed too far this time. She braced herself for the oncoming storm... Which never came.

"Maybe you're right." Was all that Asuka answered. She didn't sound angry, just... Confused. Lost in her thoughts. So the both of them ate in silence. Before returning to class.

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They went home the same way they went to school. In silence, but it was different. They were both too absorbed in their minds to talk to each other this time.

Asuka kept her head straight, her shoulders squared. Confidence radiated from her, as always, except if one was to look directly into her eyes. They were... Blank. Her brows frowned. They betrayed her uncertainty, there seemed to be a war raging inside her mind. She was glad, as a consequence, that Shinji was walking a few steps before her.

He looked disturbingly similar to her. It was rather uncommon for him. His fists were clenched, his eyes showed a confidence that usually could only be seen when he was sitting inside his Entry Plug.

They hadn't lived in this city for a long time, especially not Asuka, but they could have walked back to the apartment they shared with their commanding officer/guardian with their eyes closed. It was a good thing, since neither of them seemed to be paying attention to their surroundings.

When they finally reached their home, Asuka mechanically took off her shoes and went straight to her room. Shinji wanted to confront her then but couldn't reach her in time. As much as he wanted to, he was still scared of her, as he had been this morning. But he wouldn't run away. He was just postponing their unavoidable (so he had decided) conversation.

Dinner came and went. Even Misato stayed quiet. She could feel her charges' tension. And this time it felt different than usual to her. So she decided against teasing them as she would have usually done to try and cheer them up. Even her attempts at making conversation fell flat, so she instead focused on her beers.

Asuka went to her room without even uttering a word.

"I'm going to bed too", Misato said some minutes after. "It'll be good to catch up on some sleep ! Good night Shin-Chan !"

"Good night, Misato-San !" Shinji answered, still doing the dishes.

He took a few deep breaths after having finished and knocked gently on Asuka's door frame.

"Leave me alone." Was all the answer he got.

He flinched, but opened the door nonetheless and went inside.

"No." He answered calmly 'I mustn't run away.', closing the door quietly behind him.

"Is it going to become a habit ? You coming in my room when I clearly tell you not to ?" She was annoyed. She had had a lot of time to think today, but she couldn't organize her thoughts. Every time she thought about Shinji long enough, her mind brought back the memories of their kiss, of their hug, of his heartbeat against her ear, and everything it made her feel. So she couldn't concentrate, and as a consequence, she hadn't made any progress towards making a decision.

"W-We need to talk." he stammered, trying his best to sound confident.

This was the last straw for her. She didn't want to have this conversation yet, so her anger finally won.

"Listen, Third Child." she didn't want to raise her voice in order not to stir Misato's attention, but Shinji could clearly ear her anger. "We're not the same. I can't just bare my heart like that in front of you. I just needed time to think, but no ! Shinji Ikari just had to selfishly come and _demand _that we talked ! So let me grant your wish, Third Child. You piss me off ! And you can't possibly believe that I would fall into your arms because you decided to barge into my room ye again. You cannot be _that_ stupid !" Her voice had raised, so she took a few calming breaths before muttering "I don't want to need you..."

Shinji dropped his head and whispered "I'm sorry" before leaving and going to his room.

She regretted her outburst as soon as she started talking. 'Way to go Asuka ! Didn't you mean it when you agreed to be nicer to him earlier ?.. I know he won't take another first step now... I told him that perseverance is power, but I know he will stop eventually. Because of me. Because I keep pushing him away. Because I can't let him close to me. He was already scared of me, now it must be even worse. I have to make him understand that I _do_ nee... That I don't hate him... That I wouldn't mind if he came back to my room tonight...'

With that, she took a pen and a piece of paper and hastily wrote something, as if it would lessen what she was doing in her mind. She didn't dare to face him, which was very unlike her, she thought, so it seemed like the best thing to do. She then quietly went to Shinji's door and tried to slip the note under. She then started to cursing in German at how unpractical Japanese doors were in this particular situation. She eventually opened his door very slightly, just enough to slip the note through, before quickly going back to her room and closing her door. She sat on her bed, looking at it expectantly, almost pleadingly.

Shinji's attention had been drawn by the noises he heard at his door, and he was about to open it when he saw a note falling at his feet. Picking it up, he unfolded it and read its contents. On the paper were shaky and hesitant kanjis.

"Be patient with me please"

He folded the note, and put it on his desk. Then he went back to Asuka's room.

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A/N : Well ! It seems that I'll be continuing this story after all. I had some ideas that I think are original (I never read them in other fics, granted, I haven't read them all !). I wanted to write them so I thought that I might as well post them ! Don't hesitate to tell me what you thought about this second chapter ! As long as it's not too harsh ! Thanks !


	3. Watch her disappear

Author's notes : I just read _Once more with Feelings_ by Crazy-88 and I'd like to make a public apology to him. One of the scenes in my last chapter is _very_ similar to one in his fic. I hadn't read it at the time and was truly surprised by this. Guess great minds think alike, but it still leaves a kinda bitter taste in my mouth.

But as a consequence, I'd like to say something that I think is important. I'm writing this story by myself with ideas that I came up with. I've read my fair share of Eva fics, but I haven't read them all, so if some of my ideas have already been made, please believe me when I say that I didn't know. I've tried to go out of my way not to copy/steal any ideas from other fics, but I can't be 100% sure of this.

I'm still reading more, for this particular reason, but also for my personal enjoyment. I don't want to bore myself with Evangelion and drop this project altogether. So I guess it'll be bound to happen from time to time, and I'm really sorry about that again.

So please, don't be too harsh if I make this mistake again, and don't hesitate to review etc if you like where this is going !

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Nothing much had changed in the Katsuragi Residence in the two days which had passed since Asuka and Shinji's altercation. The former still berated the latter on a more or less hourly basis, and kept voicing her discontent between those times. Shinji was still the housebroken teenager he had always been, and their guardian was still punishing her liver, one beer at a time. The only thing noticeable was that the Children seemed to be in a better mood. It was barely perceptible, but it was there. Shinji didn't cower as much as he used to when Asuka shouted at him, and she was less insulting, having switched to more general than personal attacks.

Shinji had always felt concerned by Misato's drinking habit. He cared a lot about her, of course. She was the first person in a very long time who showed genuine affection for him. And he felt conflicted, because for now, he was glad that she was always at least tipsy when she was home, for if she wasn't, she might have seen how he and Asuka looked at each other sometimes, how he had furiously blushed at the time when she stormed inside the living room with just a towel to cover her, and how she blushed as well when she saw that. Her bath _was_ indeed too hot, but it wasn't only because of that that she came into the living room. She had, maybe only unconsciously, wanted him to see her like this. She could have just shouted from the bathroom.

When Shinji came back to Asuka's room two days ago, he had been surprised to see her give him one of her all too few in his opinion genuine smile with gleaming eyes. And when he had laid down beside her, he had been utterly astonished when she laid her head on his chest and put her hand on the side of his neck gently, her arm resting on his chest as well. After some hesitation, he had hugged her back and they had talked. They decided two things together there and then. First, that _this_ would be their new sleeping arrangement for the foreseeable future. Asuka had made a point not to leave him with any choice, but Shinji, In a bolder mood than usual, had acquiesced firmly, to her great delight. Second, that they would not talk about it to anyone. Being Eva pilots meant that nothing in their life was secret. That even their most private thoughts, pains, traumas or few joys were known by others, not leaving them any choice in the matter. But this was different, this was one thing _they_ shared. That belonged only to them. That nobody had to know, or more precisely, that nobody known. At least for now. So they promised each other that they would not tell anyone nor show anyone that they were... Together ? They had not talked about that. They slept in the same bed, in each other's arms. That was enough. The added benefit to Asuka was that she _had_ to keep on chastising him for every little things he did that annoyed her.

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Misato was standing in the Pribnow Box, her arms crossed. She was looking out the window idly at the Test Plugs, not focusing on anything, not paying attention to the voice in the PA system.

_B-type harmonics test, all green. Projected adjustment values have been cleared._

She was snapped back to this world by a voice directly addressing her.

"You look tired, Misato." Makoto Hyuga stated with as little concern as he allowed himself to express while inquiring about his commanding officer's state. Everyone in the room knew that he was attracted to her, and he was well aware of that, but he didn't want to display it openly regardless of that fact.

"Yeah, for a lot of private reasons." Misato answered with a reassuring smile, glad for his interest in her well-being. She had taken advantage of his feelings for her personal gain in the last few months, but she had decided to stop giving him false hopes some weeks back. She had been even more comforted in her decision by what happened between her and Kaji when they left the wedding they attended with Ritsuko.

"Kaji ?" Ritsuko couldn't pass the opportunity to tease her oldest friend.

"Shut up !" Misato snapped back vehemently, not wishing to dwell on the issue in the middle of a sync test. "Well, how's the Third Child doing ?" she asked, turning back to the window and restoring her neutral expression as if her sudden outburst never occurred.

"Take a look." Maya Ibuki answered with a slight smile.

"Let me see... That's great, both Asuka and Shinji have increased their sync ratio. And Shinji has the highest score ! I hope that knowing this will boost his confidence." Opening a direct communication to Test Plug 01, she added "Can you hear me, Shinji ?

Shinji blinked after opening his eyes as Misato's question broke his concentration.

"Misato, how were my test scores ?" He asked expectantly. He was in a great mood, he had been since he had shared his story with Asuka.

"Yes ! You are number one !" Misato answered, filling him even more with joy. But it didn't last long, as he knew it meant that he beat her. He knew that she wouldn't be happy. He knew how important being the best was for her. His first place left as a consequence a bittersweet taste in his mouth, much more bitter than sweet.

When the test ended, he went back to the apartment by himself. He left as quickly as possible so he wouldn't have to face Asuka. 'She must hate me right now. She probably doesn't want me anywhere near her.' "I'm sorry." He muttered to himself, a hollow smile on his face with these words. He knew that it would be even worse if he was to apologize to her face to face. So he sat there, at the back of the bus, completely oblivious to the outside world.

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In the female pilots locker room, Asuka fumed.

"I lost ! He beat us so easily. He beat us so easily that it's pissing me off !" She was shouting and making grand gestures to vent out her anger while Rei was quietly putting on her school uniform.

"He's great, wonderful, awesome, too awesome ! The Invincible Shinji ! So that makes our job a little easier, right ?" She didn't even hear Rei closing her locker behind her as she continued shouting. "But it also means we'll have to do our best to not be left behind !"

"Goodbye." Rei said on the threshold, as expressionless as ever. But as soon as the door closed, Asuka stopped talking. She sat on the bench behind her. Part of her outburst had been in order to keep her persona in front of the others, but she was truly angry at Shinji. Very angry in fact. So she sat on the bench and started thinking. She was confused, and she hated that.

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.

There hadn't been an Angel attack in a long time, so Misato had had time to catch up on her paperwork. It was a very good thing because she wanted to be there for her charges. She knew that the mood wouldn't be pleasant, but she wanted Shinji to know that she would protect him from their roommate's wrath, and she wanted Asuka to know that she was there if she wanted to talk, to sit in silence or anything that she would have wanted to do.

As she predicted, dinner had been tense. Asuka kept silent the whole time, frowning as in deep thoughts, or contained raged, she couldn't be sure, but the latter seemed more likely to her. Shinji had tried to keep silent, but couldn't force himself to ignore Misato so he answered her questions and conversations attempts with as few words as he could. When he went to the bathroom, Misato decided it was the right moment.

"You know, it was just a sync test. Don't you go and..."

"Save it !" Asuka interrupted her, not as harshly as Misato was expecting. 'Did it hit her that bad ?' Misato asked herself. "... But I appreciate it." Asuka added, smiling slightly, but genuinely, at her guardian. She knew that Misato cared for her. And the fact that she always seemed to favor Shinji in her eyes didn't change that fact. There were too few that actually cared. She always boasted that she didn't need anyone, but she was glad when someone she deemed worthy actually showed care. "I'm going to bed. Good night." With that, she stood and went to her bedroom.

When Shinji came back a few seconds later, he found Misato standing next to the kitchen table.

"Don't bother with the dishes, I'll do them tomorrow. You should get some sleep. And don't beat yourself up too hard over Asuka. She'll come around, you know her."

'That's because I know her that I'm beating myself up.' "M-maybe."

"You'll see ! You should tell her honestly how you feel about that. It just might cheer her up. I'm going to bed, good night, Shin-Chan !"

"Good night." Shinji followed Misato to the living room, switching the lights off on the way, then went to his room. After closing his door, he sighed. He had decided not to go to Asuka's room this night. 'I'll leave her alone tonight, she's upset because of me, going to her room will only...' His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of his door sliding open.

"What are you doing here ? Come." Asuka demanded in a whisper so as not to attract attention from their other roommate. Shinji followed her and laid on her bed next to her when she ordered him to. She nestled herself against him, as she had been doing for the last nights. It was convenient for her because he couldn't see her face.

"I was selected to become a pilot when I was four. I was so happy, so proud, but it didn't last long..." She started talking and immediately paused. She had decided she would talk to him, that she would try to make him understand, but it was harder than she imagined.

"Why ?" He asked after a few seconds of silence. He felt her tense, her arm tightening around him.

"Don't ask. What's important is that I devoted myself to being the best. I was selected to be an elite Eva Pilot. The Second Child. My mission was to save to world ! I promised myself I'd be the best, a hero to be praised !.." She paused for a second, Shinji, understanding that it was difficult for her, gently rubbed her back. If it was for his gesture or not, he didn't know, but she continued. "That's why I resented you when we first met. It took me years of training to reach the sync rate you had when you first sortied..." Her words were harsh in Shinji's ears, but her tone wasn't. 'She's just stating the facts.' he thought, not daring to interrupt her. "And I'm mad at you for having beaten me today... But not as much as I should be, I think. Because I know you don't do it intentionally. I know you don't like piloting. You really are an idiot !"Her tone carried more emotions now. But she wasn't insulting him like she used to. "You know, if I'm telling you all this right now, it's because of you.

"What do you mean ?"

"When you told me about..." She stopped herself, not wanting to bring back the subject of his mother so bluntly. "When we talked... Good things happened... So I figured that maybe I could talk to you. That's what you wanted, right ?" She added that last part in an angrier tone. Opening up was still difficult, so was letting her guard down. Or less up, to be exact.

"Thank you" He answered in a whisper.

"But still. Having you beat me without even trying... It's as if everything I did was useless..." 'That _I_ am useless'. "If I'm not the best..."

"B-but you are the best !" Shinji cut her, trying to sound confident. His stuttering didn't convey this idea, though.

"Don't rub it in, Third Child." Asuka was starting to get angry.

"I-I'm not ! S-sure, I beat you today in this test" He was starting to get really scared as he saw and felt her tense dangerously. In this position, he wouldn't last a minute against her. In any position, to be exact. "But you're still the best pilot !" he blurted out "Your technique is _much _better, your knowledge, your confidence, and your style, you move so graciously... In combat" He quickly added, blushing. "Our sync rate doesn't mean anything ! I can't do half of what you can do with your Eva !

"Damn right baka !" His little pep talk had worked. She felt a little better, she wasn't useless, and she would show them all ! "And don't you dare think that you won ! I'll beat you back ! And if you want to be first again, you'll have to work for it, Invincible Shinji !"

"Invincible Shinji ?" He asked, surprised at the epithet.

"I might have found you a new nickname after the sync test. I was a little angry..." She said in a soft tone. She hugged him a little tighter, and he did the same. "Thank you, Shinji."

She shuffled a little against him, finding a better position before letting his heartbeat lull her to sleep.

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Try as he might, Shinji had a hard time focusing. He had always been scared when going into battle before, but it had never been this much. He was utterly terrified. Before, he didn't have anything to lose. He had always been scared of dying, of course, but it was nothing compared to the idea of losing Asuka. He never thought he could have been even more scared than when he had been thrown into the robot to fight his first battle. 'She's too careless... And I know some day she'll get hurt. She has almost died already ! I can't let that happen !' His hand was clenching and unclenching as it usually done when he was in that kind of situations.

"Can you all here me ? Misato said through the pilots' radios. " I've sent you all of the target's data. This is all we know right now. Approach it carefully and observe its reactions, and, if possible, lure it outside of the city limits. Two of you will back up the other, got that ?" Everyone nodded, as everyone listened intently. "Asuka, you're the most trained in combat, and since you insisted on taking an axe, you'll...

"I'll do it." Shinji cut her through the radio, his face on the Command center monitor showed nothing except for determination. When he was in his entry plug, he was always overtaken by this sense of determination, as if he indeed was invincible. As if the Eva would protect him against everything. He knew Asuka wouldn't like what he was about to say, or the reason why he was going to say it, that is, if he ever got to tell her, but he couldn't let her rush the Angel as she usually did. "I have the highest sync ratio, you said it yourself Misato : "You are number one !""

"Now hold on a second Third Child." Asuka's face appeared on his left in his cockpit, she didn't look happy. "You heard the Major, don't stand in my way." Her eyes were positively blazing.

Shinji couldn't let her take the point back, he had to protect her, even if it meant saying things that would clearly piss her off. Knowing her as he did, he knew perfectly how to trigger some reactions, especially the hostile ones. "I'll show you how it ought to be done, Asuka."

"What was that ?" Asuka couldn't believe her ears 'After all he said to me yesterday he dares to tell me something like this ? I'm _so_ gonna chew him up once this is over.'

"Combat is a man's job after all." He cut his communications right after that last sentence and willed his Evangelion forward. He wasn't proud of this exchange, especially his last sentence, but he pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind for now. When he saw the giant form of the Angel above, he almost lost his determination.

The Angel didn't look very threatening, and its actions since it appeared reinforced this impression. It looked like a perfect sphere, hovering harmlessly over Tokyo-3, seemingly doing nothing. Its surface was covered with black and white markings with no apparent pattern. At some places the markings were straight, but most of them were curved. Some thicker than the others. It looked like it had been stitched out from various patches that didn't quite go together. Some shapes on its surface looked disturbingly like eyes without pupils. Shinji didn't know if they actually were its eyes. He couldn't make anything of the sphere before him, except for a sense of foreboding... He knew from experience not to mess with an Angel which looked like a geometrical shape. His thoughts were cut short by a voice in his radio.

"In position." Rei said calmly. She was the furthest away from the Angel, her Eva's back against a building and its left foot on an other in front of her. She was pointing a sniper rifle at the center of the Angel with deadly precision, studying it through her scope.

"Almost there." Asuka answered. She had fallen behind because she had had to change her umbilical cable, the one she had started with having been to short to zigzag through the city's buildings.

Since they had no strategy, Shinji decided that he would probe the Angel's reactions with some well-aimed bullets. Looking behind him, he saw the shape of Unit 02 coming into his view only to disappear behind another building seconds after. She was going to hide behind another building not too far from his own. 'Of course she had to be close ! Then again she wouldn't have been very effective from far away with her axe.' Shinji thought with some resentment. 'Guess I'll have to draw its attacks then.'

"In position." Asuka whispered, as if the Angel would have heard her. Shinji looked into her eyes on his screen. She looked back at him with an angry frown... Not only because of the Angel. He nodded. She nodded back.

Shinji then leapt out of cover and fired three times at the sphere... Which vanished. At the same time, a shadow appeared under Unit 01's feet, and the Evangelion started to sink inside. Shinji shouted in his Entry Plug. "Asuka ! Don't stay in the shadow !"

Asuka, seeing the black void expand close to her made her Eva jump and climb the building she used as cover.

"Shinji, get out of there ! Shinji ?" Misato's panicked voice didn't reach his ears though, as he kept looking at the black and white sphere in terror.

"Ikari !" Rei said in a worried tone which nobody registered.

"Baka, what are you doing ?" Asuka shouted. Her voice finally breaking him out of his trance. "Asuka ! Misato ! Ayanami !" His terrified screams filled her with terror. She reached the top of her building and jumped from one to the other as fast as she could until she grabbed Unit 01's forearm."Shinji ! I got you !" Mustering all her strength, she managed to make Unit 01 rise a little.

"No ! Go away !" Despite his fear, he still wanted her not to be harmed no matter what the cost. "Get to safety !"

"You think I'm gonna leave now ? What are you, stupid ? Did _you_ leave when I was falling in that volcano ? Now help me and climb !" Both of them pulled with all their strength and Unit 01 kept on rising, albeit slowly. Its progress reversed quickly, however, when the building on which Unit 02 was started to sink as well. Asuka pulled harder, her arm straining painfully, but Shinji's Eva kept on sinking. "Let go Asuka ! You don't have a choice now !" Shinji was scared but he tried to hide it, so that she would actually accept. "I'll be okay."

"Asuka..." Misato joined the conversation. Her voice was low, but with such authority that no one could have argued with her. "Retreat... That's an order... You too, Rei."

Shinji nodded to her as calmly as he could and smiled as much as he could, given the circumstances. "I'll be okay." he repeated in a whisper, before easing his Eva's grip. Asuka reluctantly let go, but kept her eyes locked on his as his Eva disappeared into the shadow. When its horn finally disappeared, so did Shinji's image in her cockpit.

Rei had watched everything from a distance, her face devoid of any expression, or so it seemed. She _was_ concerned for Shinji's safety. So she had pushed her Eva forward without having been given the order, having discarded her sniper rifle before rushing through the buildings towards the edge of the shadow. She abruptly stopped when she heard her commanding officer's order to retreat.

Asuka stayed still a few seconds, gathering her thoughts before making her Eva jump on another building, then another... She had cut all communications so that nobody would mess with her focus. And also to hide her own face, as she was unable to hide her emotions at the moment. 'He has not abandoned me ! He will come back ! He told me he was going to be okay ! He can't abandon me. He can't...' She jumped on a more than half sunk building which rocked with the impact. Surprised, Asuka lost her balance. She gripped at its edge, but as she struggled to climb back on the building's roof, it shifted like a sinking concrete raft on a sea of darkness. She was trapped. She couldn't do anything to escape the shadow that was quickly engulfing the building as well as her Eva, so she stopped struggling altogether and let her Eva sink before the shocked eyes of the whole crew inside the Command center and the desperate screams of Misato, who had a communication forcibly restored with Asuka's Entry plug.


	4. Starving in the belly of a whale

Asuka had accepted her fate when the last patch of red of her Eva disappeared into the Shadow. She had been surprised, and relieved, as a consequence, to see that she wasn't dead. Her military training instinctively kicked in. She ran a series of tests. She first saw that she could move her Eva's limbs, even though walking didn't seem to achieve anything. She then tried to see if her sensors and radars could pick up anything... Nothing. She cut the power off her Eva and initialized the life support systems. 4'22. Roughly 13 hours until her Eva's life support would fail. Hesitantly, almost reluctantly, she pushed the button on her butterfly handle to open a communication window.

"... Shinji ?.. Can you hear me ?.." She asked calmly. When she didn't get an answer though, she snapped 'That idiot ! He can get an A on a test but not in the real world ! And what do I do ? I go after him like a goddamn amateur ! That's just great !' "Shinji ! You goddamn coward ! That's all your fault ! And believe me, I'm gonna kick your ass once we get out of here !" She shouted at her radio, with a hint of hope that the threat, no, the _promise_ would at least make him squirm. At least she wouldn't feel as alone then... But for right now, she felt _far_ more furious than alone. 'That jerk !'

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Shinji looked at the blinding white landscape before him in awe for some time. 'Am I inside the Angel ? Am I dead ?' He paused. 'At least I managed to protect Asuka. Now that they know what the Angel can do, Misato _will_ find a plan to exterminate it... And I'm still alive, maybe they'll save me too. I'm sorry Asuka'

He tried his sonars and radars to no avail. He tried to reach someone, anyone. If only to let them know he was still alive. To let her know. He wanted her to know. He still wasn't sure of what she felt towards him, but he knew that she would like to know. He remembered her eyes before he vanished. 'Was she scared for me ? She seemed scared of losing me. I think... I... Hope ?' He put these selfish thoughts aside and went back to his immediate reality. 'I should activate life support. If there's a chance that they save me, all I can do is give them as much time as possible.' He reasoned, activating it. '4'38, that's 14 hours, give or take. I'll die in 14 hours. I don't want to die, I want to see her again. I owe her an apology.'

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Asuka opened her eyes slowly, as if she did not want to acknowledge the situation. She didn't want to be in her entry-plug. It was the first time she could recall that she ever felt that way. Even when she spent hours and hours training, she always liked being in there.

"Scheiß !" She couldn't stand it. She didn't feel the usual comfort and warmth she was used to anymore. Suddenly, she had trouble breathing. She felt as if the LCL was burning her throat and lungs.

"Let me out !" She shouted at the top of her lungs before slamming the button to synchronize with her Eva. She then started to scream furiously in English, German and Japanese as she lashed out with her Eva, trying to grab onto something... Anything to rip out, stomping and punching the "ground" she believed she was standing on. She projected her AT-field in various directions, trying to find an opening, or create one, to slice the Angel from the inside. Destroy it and be free of this coffin.

She quickly stopped when she realized what she was doing and immediately turned off her Eva. Her outburst hadn't lasted long but it had been enough to drain a significant amount of the precious energy stored in her internal batteries.

"Why did I do that ? I just doomed myself... Maybe that's better. Better to die sooner rather than later, waiting for my end for excruciating hours. I doubt that Wondergirl will be able to perform a miracle. And the only one... No, that's not true. One of the only ones who would have honestly mourned me will die here as well. He will... Die... With me."

The thought terrified her, so she squeezed her eyes shut to try to make the memories go away. She forced herself to think about other things. It always more or less worked when she focused hard enough. And right now, she needed to. She went back to her training, to her life in Germany when she was under Kaji's care and finally drifted back to that night when Shinji and her slept in her bed. The comfort she didn't even know she needed she received when in his arms. Their kiss. These managed to calm her mind so she clung to them as she tried once again to fall asleep.

.

.

Shinji initialized Unit 01 and ran his scans. He didn't count how many times he did them since getting trapped but he felt uneasy. Each time he hoped that he would get an answer, or see something different. Or catch something on his radars.

"Asuka ?.. Misato ?.. Ayanami ?.." His voice remained calm, tainted with some kind of resignation.

"I still have 10 hours left." It would have been more if he hadn't drained his internal batteries with these -too frequent- scans. "I'm hungry. I wish I could cook something for us again..." Shinji imagined himself back to the apartment, sharing a nice dinner that he would have prepared for the three of them to enjoy. Maybe a German meal...

.

.

"The LCL is becoming murky. The filtration system's power is running out. A few more hours and I won't have enough oxygen. My breathing will become shallower and shallower. The LCL will bring me less and less oxygen. I'll become lightheaded, and tired, and finally I'll go to sleep. Forever."

Stating what she had learned during her training in Germany helped her in no way, but it kept her mind busy. She had spent most of her time trapped in her entry plug sleeping, but she was still tired. She just couldn't keep her eyes opened. "Maybe it'll be sooner than expected." she didn't bother anymore to keep her thoughts inside her head. "Maybe I'll be asleep when the time will come." She finally said before drifting back to sleep.

.

.

Night had fallen over Tokyo-3, so the temporary command center had to be illuminated with construction lamps. Ritsuko was standing before a dozen NERV employees, among them were Misato and Rei. Behind her was a white board with black patterns and writing in several languages. It looked like Ritsuko was a teacher and the others were her students, had it not been for their NERV uniforms.

"So that shadow is actually the Angel's body ?" Misato asked bewildered. She wasn't sure that she had understood everything right.

"Correct." Ritsuko answered. "It's six hundred eighty meters in diameter. With a thickness of three nanometers. Sustained within that ultra-thin space is an inverted AT-field." She kept on stating the facts she had gleamed from her researches in the past hours. "Abstract mathematics defines the region within as a Sea of Dirac. It could be connected to another universe." She said this last sentence with some kind of fascination, which would have frightened Misato if her mind had not been clouded with worry.

"What about the sphere ?" Misato asked while raising her hand.

"It disappears when the imaginary circuit of the body closes. The object in the sky is only a shadow." Ritsuko answered again. Misato wasn't facing her anymore. She had turned her head in order to look at the black and white sphere which was still floating over Tokyo-3. It's top was dark, but the bottom was lit with the same lamps which were used at the temporary command center.

"So the black shadow that swallowed Units 01 and 02 is the target." Misato stated downcast. "What can we do against it ?"

Rei was leaning against a NERV truck, a bit behind everyone else. She was paying attention to what was being said, but she was also thinking about her fellow pilots. A very subtle hint of worry could be seen on her face.

.

.

When Asuka opened her eyes, she was not in her entry-plug anymore. Surprised, she looked around her. She was standing in front of a window, which gave a view of a fairly small room. On the opposite wall was another large window, the light shining through the venetian blinds indicated her that it led to the exterior. On the far left corner, there was a plant that she couldn't identify on a nightstand, and right next to it, at the center of the room, was a bed. There was someone on it. A small girl in a dark dress with long red hair. The light from the window, and the fact that her head was low made it so Asuka couldn't see her features, but she _knew_ who she was. She also recognized the hospital room.

What the... ?"

"You are afraid of death ?" said the silhouette on the bed. She wasn't moving. She didn't seem to be even breathing.

"I am Asuka Langley Soryu ! I'm not afraid of anything !" Asuka quickly answered.

"You are afraid of death ?" The silhouette's tone changed a little, becoming more affirmative.

"I'm a soldier ! I know that each time I go to combat can be the last !"

"You are afraid of death." The silhouette wasn't asking anymore.

"I'm thirteen ! Of course I'd rather have as much time as possible, but I accepted the possibility of dying when I became a Pilot !" Asuka was becoming more and more desperate. She didn't understand the situation and those five words seemed more powerful each time they were uttered.

"You are afraid of death !" The silhouette seemed to be almost mocking her now.

"... I don't want to die." Asuka answered in a whisper, with tears in her eyes.

"You are afraid of death."

"..." She didn't answer. Instead, she focused on the few good things in her life. Living with Misato, even if she was the sloppiest human being on Earth, she was the big sister she never had. The time she spent with Kaji in Germany, and how good he had been to her, how he helped her during this time. Hikari, her best friend, even when she didn't deserve it. Her Eva, and how proud she was of being a pilot. How comfortable and warm she always felt in her entry-plug. Exactly like with Shinji. She felt good in his arms. And she was happier since that night. He was too, she could see it, when they were together they were able to stave off their respective demons... She liked his cooking too, even if she never...

"If you had died with her all these years ago, you wouldn't have experienced all this pain." The silhouette interrupted her thoughts. This sentence hit her like a ton of bricks, all her bad memories coming back to her at once, drowning all her previous recollections. She had considered the idea on some occasions, when her sorrow was almost too much to bear, but she had learned to live for herself.

"Now you are going to die alone... With him. So close yet too far away." The silhouette raised her head with an insane smile. Her face was the incarnation of madness. The dream vanished in front of Asuka's eyes but this face, her own face, was carved in her mind.

"I don't want to die alone." Tears now mixed with the murky LCL as Asuka couldn't help but cry. She put her arms around her knees and curled into a ball.

"... Shinji..."

.

.

"Who's that ?" A voice very similar to Shinji's asked.

The alarm of a railroad gate could be heard, approaching then getting further away.

"Who ?.." Shinji repeated, a bit surprised. He didn't seem to have realized that he was not in his entry-plug anymore, or maybe he didn't care. He was now sitting in a rail coach. It was dusk, or dawn, he didn't know about that. All he knew was that the sun was low on the horizon and that it bathed the whole car in an orange light. It shone directly in front of him. Across from him, on the bench on the other side, was the silhouette of a small child that Shinji couldn't see clearly, the sun hitting it from behind. The train didn't seem to be moving, yet Shinji could clearly hear the sound of the wheels against the rails.

Shinji Ikari." The voice answered without inflection.

"That's me." Shinji retorted, a little surprised.

"I am you. This self incorporates another self. The self has always been composed of two selves."

"Two ?" Shinji didn't quite understand what the voice was saying.

"Yes, the self which is observed and the self which observes itself. To expound, the Shinji Ikari that exists in your mind is only one Shinji Ikari. There's also the Shinji Ikari in Misato Katsuragi's mind, The Shinji Ikari in Asuka Soryu's mind, the Shinji Ikari in Rei Ayanami's mind and the Shinji Ikari in Gendo Ikari's mind. All are different Shinji Ikari, but each of them is a true Shinji Ikari." The silhouette, the Shinji in the others' mind, explained as he would have told a child. "Your fear is of the Shinji Ikari who exists in the minds of others." It stated, as if it knew exactly how Shinji's mind worked.

"I'm just afraid of being hated." Shinji answered, dumbfounded by the truth behind the silhouette's words. Images of people flashed before his eyes. Ideas which were forced into his mind. Toji punching him while Kensuke explained that Toji's sister was injured during the fight with the Third Angel. Misato yelling at him because he had refused to fall back during the Fourth Angel. His father telling him harshly to go away.

"No, I don't want to hear this !" The sensation was strange. Shinji couldn't clearly identify which of his senses was used.

"You're afraid of being hurt. That's why you always run from reality. No one can justify life by linking happy moments into a rosary. In particular, I cannot." The silhouette said, implying that Shinji himself couldn't.

"I've found someone that makes me happy. Someone who is happy with me !" The previous images were replaced by images of Asuka. Their week of sync training. Her smile when he saved her life in Mount Asama. The warmth of her body when they hugged. The absolute bliss he felt when they kissed. The sheer perfection of seeing her sleeping peacefully in his arms.

"Are you _really_ happy with her ?" The silhouette taunted. "Is she ? Does she even like you ? Or like to spend time with you ?" As it kept on harassing Shinji with questions, it started to change. It was growing bigger, taller, with long red hair and a red outfit. Its smile was nefarious and its eyes full of hatred. "Maybe I'm just using you. Like your father." Its voice had changed as well.

"How is that possible ? How can you become her ? Is she here as well ?" Shinji was oscillating between fear and rage as he waited for the silhouette to answer.

"She joined us a few seconds after you."

With these words, Shinji understood what the silhouette really was. "NO ! Don't you dare hurt her ! I won't let you ! Release us !" In an instant, Shinji didn't care about what was happening, his mind was filled with rage and determination. The train vanished as if the Angel withdrew, taking with it a hallucination. Now back in his entry-plug, he synchronized with his Evangelion and let all his wrath free. He was breathing heavily, his heart was racing. He used all his Eva's remaining power in vain and continued shaking the butterfly handles after the internal timer reached 0:00, shouting and screaming and begging for it to move. He started to cry. "I have to save her... Please ! I don't care if I die, I just want her to be safe."

Just when he was about to accept his and Asuka's fate, a white silhouette, as if it were made of light, appeared in front of him and floated towards him, cupping his cheek in her right hand before hugging him.

"Mother ?" He asked before the pressure of the LCL seemed to increase. He wasn't sure that this was true, but he couldn't help but feel lightheaded. The last thing he heard before he passed out was a muffled roar.

.

.

All that Asuka managed now was a state of half consciousness at best. Her body and mind were numb, her breathing shallow. Her plug suit still gave her some life support, since it still had more than half its energy reserve, but it couldn't do much against the lack of oxygen.

She slowly and tiredly opened her eyes to take in her surroundings. She couldn't see far, the LCL was too turbid now. She could barely discern her butterfly handles. She couldn't even see her own feet now. She had stopped curling into a ball, it took her way too much energy just holding her legs with her arms, so she sat back on her entry-plug's memory foam chair. 'So that's it.' Thinking was getting hard for her but it was one of the only things she kept forcing her to do just to ensure herself that she wasn't dead yet. 'I'm gonna die here... That's anticlimactic. I would have hoped to die fighting like a soldier... Or of old age, worshiped like a hero... I hope Shinji makes it out of here... He'll be better off without me anyway. I'm just a pathetic little girl. I'm a failure, that's why everyone abandoned me. It's my fault, not theirs... I hope he'll survive.'

"You've been one of the few lights in my life Shinji." she said in ragged breaths. "I'll be forever grateful for that." She paused, reflecting on how much she cared for the boy. She would have shed a tear if her eyes had been opened. The LCL made it awkward and unpleasant to talk, but she still had some things she wanted to say out loud, even if her voice wasn't much more than a whisper.

"Thank you, Shinji. See you soon, Mama."

With her fading consciousness she failed to notice the tremors around her. Her Eva had been trembling for the past minute or so. She hadn't even noticed the ear-splitting noises and inhuman roars outside.

.

.

"A forced Eva salvage ?" Misato wanted to know about the plan Ritsuko came up with, but she knew something was wrong as soon as she heard how it had been phrased.

"It's the only possibility that might work." Answered the doctor. "We would drop all 992 existing N2 mines into its center, while simultaneously activating the AT Field of the other Eva, disrupting the circuit enclosing the Angel's pocket interior. If we concentrate enough power into the same microsecond, we might destroy the Angel and the Dirac Sea that makes it up." She managed to say without giving away how much she hated the idea. She was able to hide her true feelings thanks to -or because of- the time she had spent working with Commander Ikari. It always made it easier for her to think about the big picture.

"But the damage to the Evas would be... Shinji and Asuka wouldn't... What kind of rescue operation is this ?" Misato was getting angrier and angrier at each word pronounced by her friend.

"This operation's priority is to recover the Evas themselves. That the bodies may be damaged or destroyed has no bearing." Ritsuko replied coldly.

Misato couldn't control herself anymore. Ritsuko just told her that her pilots were completely expendable. The only thing important to her seemed to be the Eva. She couldn't believe her ears. Her head was spinning. There were too many things she didn't know about the Evas, but that wasn't important at the moment. "Now wait a second !" She snapped back at her.

As if on cue, the Shadow which constituted the body of the Angel started to crackle and break apart in a deafening noise. A red liquid erupted from the freshly opened wounds. The whole body of the Angel was bleeding.

"What's happening ? Could it be..."

Misato was interrupted by Ritsuko "Impossible ! It would take an enormous amount of energy to break through ! Neither of the Evangelions are capable of this !"

The next thing they saw proved her wrong. The black and white sphere hovering over Tokyo 3 turned black as a red arm pierced through it in a fountain of blood. Then another. The arms tore a hole in the sphere, revealing two glowing white eyes. Eva-01 pushed itself halfway out of the sphere before howling its superiority over its fallen foe. The sphere, not able to sustain itself in the air anymore, exploded in a rain of bloody parts and gore. Unit-01 landed on the ground in that rain of blood. At the same time, Unit-02 crashed face first close to it on the asphalt.

"My God, what kind of monster have we copied from ?" Ritsuko asked nobody in particular. She was too transfixed by the sight of the howling Evangelion before her eyes.

Misato heard her and filed this information for later use. For now, she was too impatient to see how her charges were to think about anything else. She took her phone and called the command center "Eject the entry-plugs and send recovery teams ASAP !" She ordered while running to see her pilots for herself.

.

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AN : Well, this was tough to write ! Sorry for the cliffhanger. It wasn't my intention to finish the chapter at this point, but it got bigger than I thought, so I chose to cut it into two parts. The good news is that the next chapter is well underway and should come relatively quickly !

Thanks for reading !


	5. I beg your pardon

When Asuka regained consciousness, the first thing she saw was white. A blinding white overwhelming her. She had to blink several times to adjust to the light. It wasn't intense, but after spending such a long time in almost complete darkness, it was as blinding to her as looking directly at the sun.

When she managed to see where she was, her first reaction was to scream at the top of her lungs. The face of a nurse appeared a few seconds later, framed in the porthole in front of Asuka's face.

"Good. You're awake. You suffered from minor oxygen deprivation, we had to put you in a hyperbaric chamber to help you recover. It won't...

She was interrupted by a very angry redhead, and neither the oxygen mask she wore nor the metal of the diving chamber muffled her ire.

"And who the hell is the genius who thought that _this_ would be a good idea ?" The poor nurse was transfixed, she couldn't even blink as she stayed looking at her patient and persecutor through the porthole. "Gott ! And you tied me up ?!" She tried moving her arms and legs, which were tightly restrained with straps attached to her metal "bed". "I just spent Gott knows how long in a metal tube, I almost _died_ in there and where am I now ? In a goddamn metal tube ! Do you want me to become claustrophobic ? Open this right now and untie me !"

When she saw an opening, Ritsuko spoke. "I'm the one responsible for this. We had to..." She struggled a few seconds to vulgarize what she had in mind. "make sure you had enough oxygen in your organism." She was looking at Asuka's vital signs monitor. "I can see that you're not suffering from anything too serious, we can get you back to a regular hospital room."

"If I don't have anything serious, I want to go back home ! I hate this place." Asuka retorted dryly.

"It would be wiser to stay here on observation." Ritsuko said as she typed the opening sequence of the hyperbaric chamber on its small keyboard and then started to release Asuka from her restraints.

"I live with the goddamn Major of NERV. Not to mention another _pilot_." She snarled when uttering this last word. She was still a bit mad at Shinji, but she really wanted to see him right now. She just did it so nobody would suspect that. "I'm sure that if I have something, _anything_ wrong, Baka Shinji will give me a piggy back ride right to the hospital. Probably using the opportunity to cop a feel ! That pervert !"

Ritsuko sighed "Alright. I guess you can go home. Furthermore, if anything happened to you, the Section 2 team guarding you could get you back here faster than Shinji. But be careful. I'm going to call Misato. We'll have your clothes brought here, then you can wait for her at the reception desk." With that, she took her cellphone and left the room.

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.

After a rather awkward and quite long bear hug, Asuka and Misato went to the latter's car. On the way home, Misato told her charge how the Angel died and what happened afterwards. She decided against telling her what the "plan" Ritsuko came up with to get rid of the Angel was though.

"I spent two days in that coffin ?! Gott that doctor hates me !" Asuka angrily said.

'You don't even know the half of it.' Misato thought before answering in her usual overly-cheerful-in-order-to-hide-something tone. "More like a day and a half. It was almost dawn when the Angel got destroyed." She shuddered when recalling the gruesome scene. "And it's almost 5. And you know it was for your own good. Oxygen deprivation can be pretty serious. Anyway, I still have a lot of paperwork so I'm just dropping you home, Shinji's already there, he'll take care of you."

"As if I needed someone to take care of me !" Asuka haughtily answered, then she saw an opportunity. "How's the idiot anyway ?"

"Even more down than usual. He wasn't injured or anything during the battle, but I thinks he was worried about you. I'm sure that seeing you will cheer him up."

Asuka didn't answer, but smiled to herself. They went the rest of the way back home in silence. Misato left just after dropping Asuka in the parking lot, but not before teasingly saying "Don't do anything I wouldn't do !" which made her redheaded ward blush.

When she entered the apartment, she was greeted by the pleasant smell of Shinji's cooking, and a few seconds later, by the sight of Shinji himself who was now just standing at the opposite end of the entryway, wearing an apron, looking at her with teary eyes. They looked at each other for a few agonizing seconds, every bit of anger she still felt towards him vanishing in that instant.

They then almost jumped at each other in unison and kissed. For the second time. And it was more passionate, more desperate because of how worried, how relieved and how happy they were to see each other. Shinji was crying tears of joy and they were both clinging to each other as for dear life, not daring to let go. After not long enough according to both of them, they broke the kiss. Asuka wiped Shinji's tears with her hands, and kept them there, cupping his cheeks. He was still holding her, his hands on her back.

"I'm sorry..." He said between sobs "I was so scared I lost you. They wouldn't let me see you when you were extracted from your entry-plug. Nobody told me anything... And I couldn't visit you at the hospital... I thought you were..."

"Baka ! I'm fine ! I'm the Great Asuka Langley Soryu ! Don't forget that !" Her gaze dropped, as well as her head right after. "... But I failed... I couldn't save you. You had to save me instead."

"I didn't do anything. When I saw you in... I don't know what it was... A hallucination maybe ?.. When I understood that you were trapped too, I snapped. Then something happened with the Eva and I fainted."

"But I should have been the one to save you ! I'm a soldier ! I've been training for this my whole life ! That's all I am !" Her voice was desperate.

"Stop that !" He surprised her with how harsh his voice was. He was angry. "You are far more than a soldier ! You are the Asuka in Misato's mind, the Asuka in Ayanami's mind, the Asuka in my mind..." He paused, then continued. "I can't say what you are in the others' minds but..." He almost stopped, before adding in a whisper. "You are the most important person in mine..." She was speechless. "Y-you have a college degree, you... You are b-beautiful, and brilliant." He was drawing confidence by looking in her eyes. "And so stubborn that you can do anything that you set your mind to... That's what you are in my mind. And I know I'm right because I believe in you... And I-I ca-care about you."

She kissed him again, with all her passion, she hoped that it would be enough to make him understand what she wasn't ready to say yet. After some time, she looked at him with a smile. "Go finish our dinner ! I'm hungry and I need to take a shower.

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Dinner was almost ready, so Asuka sat down at the kitchen table to wait for her food. She was startled by something brushing her ankle but calmed down when she saw Pen Pen hugging her leg. Even though he was often scared by his newest roommate's outbursts, he had also grown quite fond of her since she moved in, he as a consequence expressed his relief with a "Wark !" before getting a beer and returning to his fridge. They ate in comfortable silence, stealing glances at each other, holding hands at times. As usual, Asuka finished her dinner quickly, but she waited for him to have finished as well before standing up.

"I'm going to take a shower, we'll go to bed after !"

He nodded with red cheeks.

A thought occurred to her then, one that she had while inside the Angel. "Thanks for the food Shinji, it was very good !" She added cheerily, before disappearing inside the bathroom.

Shinji blushed even more as he stood up and did the dishes while waiting for her. He allowed himself a sigh of relief. All the tension of the last days finally leaving him. 'She's okay ! I'm glad !" He waited serenely for her, lounging on the couch, a slight smile never leaving his face.

In "their" bed, they held each other tightly. They knew that Misato wouldn't come back tonight so they enjoyed being together, comforting themselves with each other's warmth. Shinji finally broke the silence.

"I'm so... I shouldn't have told you those things before the battle." He almost apologized, but decided that he would wait this time. He wanted to do it only if it had been really justified.

"Yeah. I was pretty mad at you..." she answered calmly. She was relaxed, her eyes were closed, her ear close to his heart, listening to its soothing rhythmic thumps. She snuggled a bit closer. "Why did you say all this anyway ?"

"I..." He stammered and swallowed hard. He had hoped she wouldn't have pressed the matter. " I wanted to protect you. I was..."

"Excuse me ?" She bolted upright, her calm having already disappeared. "You what ? Who the hell do you think you are ? Who the hell do you think _I_ am ? Do you think I'm just a helpless little girl ? After all you said to me before the battle, you have the guts to humiliate me like that ?" Shinji was paralyzed. He couldn't look her in the eyes. She hadn't been this angry in a long time, relatively speaking. "I'm Asuka Langley Soryu ! The Second Child ! I don't need your protection or your help ! I don't need anyone ! Get out !" She was screaming now "Get out of _my_ room !"

Shinji knew better than to try and reason with her when she was this angry, so he stood up and left, mortified. "I'm sorry." He whispered as he closed the door and went to his room.

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.

This end to a pleasant evening marked the beginning of a really bad sleepless night for both Children of the Katsuragi residence. Shinji was crushed. Not only had he managed to ruin their reunion, he also managed to hurt Asuka in the process. He was hurt too, of course, but it was completely secondary in his mind. 'I'm so stupid ! I should have never doubted her. I only wanted to protect you, I just wanted you to be safe.'. But the damage was done. He had betrayed her. He picked up his SDAT from his desk and curled into a ball on his bed, listening to his music, tears falling from his eyes and soaking his pillow.

It all had started so well, he had talked to her and told her things he never thought he would have had the courage to say. They kissed. Again. Again he felt her soft lips on his, her usual scent, albeit faint because of her time in the hospital and the entry-plug. Her warmth against him. The electricity he felt throughout his body as their lips met once again. It had been a perfect moment, that's why it felt even worse when it came crashing down because of him.

Of course, if the rational part of his brain had been louder, maybe he would have realized that he had indeed kept her safe. That he had saved her life. That if he hadn't insisted to take point, she would have been the one to attack the Angel, she would have been alone stuck inside and she probably would have been dead right now, one way or the other.

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Anger is an efficient way to stay awake even when tired. Asuka knew that all too well. Hence, she had not been surprised that she couldn't sleep. She was very angry at Shinji, for humiliating her, for belittling her. She had stopped screaming as soon as he had closed her door. She just sat on her bed, breathing heavily, her eyes fixed on nothing in particular, yet not moving. Her mind was boiling with rage.

When she had calmed down, she had tried, and managed, to get some sleep. She knew that her rest hadn't been long though when she woke up sweating heavily because of a nightmare. 'I haven't had any since...' This fact was enough to re-ignite the fire of her fury. 'I don't need him ! I don't need anyone ! I can live for myself !' She had almost managed to convince herself when Misato's recollection of the Angel's death came back to her mind.

"_Unit-01 literally tore the Angel apart. There was so much blood._"

'He saved my life. Or the Eva. Whatever. I couldn't do anything to break free. My Eva didn't do anything either... I shouldn't have reacted like that. I shouldn't have snapped like I did. It almost killed me in my Eva and now it made Shinji leave. And what he told me... I'm the most important person in his mind ? He cares about me...' Her train of thoughts trailed off as she stood up and changed her shirt. These last thoughts were tipping the scales back in Shinji's favor. She had some thinking to do. She didn't want to go back to sleep anyway. Not if it meant having to suffer through another nightmare.

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.

Shinji left early in the morning, he didn't want to face Asuka. Since he had barely slept, he woke up earlier than usual to prepare their bentos and left the apartment to wander the streets of Tokyo-3 with his SDAT. He didn't see anything, he didn't hear anything. He was alone, his back bent under the weight of his sorrow. He arrived in class 2-A minutes before the bell rang. He saw that she was there too but didn't even glance at her.. He didn't see her watch him as he sat down. He didn't see how tired she was too.

When the lunch bell rang, he took their bentos from his bag and put Asuka's in a corner of his table, and went as far away from it as possible while still sitting on his chair. She came and grabbed it, then stood next to him. When he didn't move, she spoke. "You're coming with me, Third Child." Her voice was commanding, but not harsh.

Kensuke made a whipping noise with his mouth, getting some chuckles from nearby classmates. Toji stood up from his seat and pointed a finger at Asuka. "What's your problem Demon ? Can't you give Shin-Man a break once in a while ?" He knew that Shinji's behavior today was because of her, and he finally couldn't stay silent anymore.

Before Asuka could verbally abuse his friend, Shinji spoke up. "Thank you Toji, but that's alright. I'm not scared." His voice was filled with tiredness, but he didn't flinch. He knew that whatever Asuka was going to through at him, he had deserved it, so he stood up and silently followed her.

"You're too used to it ! You have to fight back Shin-Man !" Toji retorted.

"Maybe he's not scared because he has iron balls." Kensuke muttered to himself.

.

.

They walked together in silence for some time before reaching a quiet place under a tree with no one around to bother them. They sat down and opened their lunch boxes.

"Where were you this morning ? I wanted to talk to you." Asuka broke the silence when it became too uncomfortable. He wasn't going to break the ice and she knew it.

"Around... I..."

"You ran away, again." She cut him.

"I didn't want to face you. I... I betrayed you. I'm..." He was cut once again by Asuka.

"Don't even think about it." She said in a threatening tone. She took a few deep breaths before to calm herself continuing. "I can take care of myself." She paused. "But I had a lot of time to think last night. And I came to the conclusion that I enjoy not being dead in my entry-plug inside an Angel. And I owe it to you..." Shinji was looking at her now. He was staring in her deep blue eyes. He opened his mouth but was cut before a sound could escape it. "Let me finish... I like knowing that I can rely on you to have my back. I know that I can trust you, Shinji." She then awkwardly and quickly added "In battle. And I hope you know that you can trust me as well."

"I trust you, Asuka. I'm sorry, really sorry I mean. I didn't want to hurt you like that... I-it's just that... That it's the first time in my life I have something to lose. I-I didn't want to lose you. I just let my selfishness get the better of me." He looked down in shame.

She wasn't expecting him to be this truthful, and was a little taken aback. She also didn't like to see him hurt like this, even if she wouldn't admit it to him. She could admit it to herself, but herself only. She decided to lighten the mood. "You know ? I never could have hoped for a better sidekick !" She said with a playful tone.

It had exactly the effect she expected. "Sidekick ? Really ?" Shinji asked with sarcasm in his voice.

"You heard what I said." She smirked before continuing. "I also had time to think about our week of sync training. Do you remember it ?"

Not liking where the conversation was going because of his attempt at kissing her in her sleep, Shinji turned his head away from her again. "Of course I do."

"I really liked it back then." He looked at her in surprise. "You didn't hesitate as much. You stood your ground against me, you fought back !" She trailed off for a second. "I don't remember which day it was, and you probably don't remember as well... It must have been towards the end because you were really starting to get on my nerves. We were brushing our teeth and right when we finished we snarled at each other..."

"Yeah ! I remember ! I just wanted this to be over. If it had continued much longer, I think I would have strangled you." He said jokingly. He had relaxed in the last minutes, and was just happy thinking back to this week, eating lunch with her. He felt very good at this moment.

"... I almost kissed you right there and then." She blurted out. "Now I'm glad I didn't, since all you were thinking about was killing me." She said in mock indignation.

"Wa-wait ! R-really ?" He asked with wide eyes.

"I told you I really liked it." She was blushing a little. Shinji, seeing her like this, couldn't help but reach out his hand to grab hers. She quickly -and violently- slapped it with her chopsticks.

"What's the hell do you think you're doing, idiot ? You think that I would let _you_ touch me ?" She shouted, before adding in a voice barely above a whisper. "Akagi more or less told me when I was at the hospital that we were under constant surveillance by Section 2. We can't do that in public, even if there's nobody around us."

"Erm... On that note..." Shinji didn't want to sound hesitant, he just couldn't help himself.

"I'm pretty sure I won't like what you're about to say." Her face was serious.

He gathered his courage and spoke "I want to tell Misato."

"Yeah, that's what I thought. And I don't. As soon as she knows, she'll make a fuss and tell us to stop. She might go as far as asking me to move out !"

"She's been nice to me when nobody else was. She took me in when even my father didn't want me around ! She's like a big sister to me. I can't hide this from her." He explained calmly.

"That's funny Ikari," She squinted her eyes while looking at him. "You usually stutter when you say things like that."

"I-it's really important to me." He stuttered.

"Okay I guess. But you let me do it." A plan was forming in her head as she spoke, and she didn't want any interference. "You'll be there, of course, you'll be able to persuade her more than I."

"Thank you, that means a lot to me." He repeated. "It's almost time for class, we should go back... I erm... I really liked eating with you today." He said as he picked up their bentos before getting up.

"I had a good time too. You're not so bad, Third Child." She said with a smile.

"M-maybe we could eat together again... with Hikari and... T-Toji and Kensuke, so we wouldn't attract too much attention..."

"Ugh ! Being seen with the Stooges would ruin my reputation here ! I have an excuse with you since you're a pilot too. You've already asked a lot of me, Third Child !" She said with a scowl. Then her features softened when she thought about eating with said Third Child on a regular basis. " But I'll think about it."

They walked back to their classroom quietly. Shinji looked down and his shoulders were slumped. He got back in character quickly so nobody would ask him questions. Or more precisely so he would have an excuse not to answer them when they would ask questions. Asuka strutted with her usual haughty demeanor for the same reasons. Both of them were gleeful inside, happy to have settled things down and looking forward to spending the night in each other's arms.

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A/N : And there it is ! This one hasn't been as tough to write as the previous one but it still got me stuck on several parts ! It's a major one since it introduces some things that will be important in the future !

And God trying to keep them in character is a pain ! I'm not saying I did a good job, but I tried ! And it was a pain.

I also want to say that I'm glad for all the feedback I got since I started. Everyone is very nice and considerate and I really appreciate it. It's always nice to have good reviews. Thanks !

And thanks for reading !


	6. Lord I've been changed

"Pilot Soryu, thank you for allowing us to ask you a few questions."

Asuka wasn't very pleased to say the least to have to answer to this "Committee" she had never heard of before. Misato had told her and Shinji that they were both going to be questioned concerning what happened during the Angel battle, that she had tried to prevent this but that they didn't take "no" for an answer. She was annoyed and tense, but tried to hide it as much as she could. The fact that she was standing in a room only lit by a projector under her didn't help. So she stood there in her plugsuit, her arms crossed and her head slightly tilted, the light from under her unpleasant for her eyes. "I don't think I can give you much information." She answered with as little inflection as possible.

"Did the Angel attempt to communicate with you ?" A second voice which came from nowhere and everywhere at the same time asked.

"How should I know ? As I already said in my report, I was asleep most of the time and barely conscious otherwise ! I might have had some dreams or nightmares but I don't remember them." The vision of her own face that she saw inside the Angel flashed through her mind.

"That is, if your memory is correct."

"And how would I know if my memory had been tampered with ?" She said sarcastically.

"Was the Angel interested in your spirit ? In your mind ?" The first voice asked.

"When I was inside the Angel, everything was white and empty. There was nothing. If the Angel manifested itself maybe I would have talked to it to occupy my time." She had less and less success hiding her annoyance to these faceless voices. "All I know is that I almost died inside my Eva so I was preoccupied with other things rather than analyzing Gott knows what !"

"That will be all. You are dismissed." A new voice stated. This one was calm and deep, it irradiated an aura of authority. Asuka's anger vanished in an instant upon hearing it.

"Yes, Sir." She answered, before the light under her disappeared.

"What do you think, Ikari ?" The same voice added.

"The informations we got from the Second Child are inconclusive. She is far too unreliable to tell us anything useful. Bring the Third." Commander Ikari stated emotionless as the light under him turned on. He disappeared back in the darkness as soon as he finished his sentence.

"We should try something different with him." A fourth voice stated. It sounded old, or rather older than the others. The light brought the attention of the Committee to the Third Child, who was clad in his plugsuit as well. He looked uncomfortable and scared.

"Don't worry." The fourth voice said. "Just tell us what happened during your time inside the last Angel. Tell us anything that you think could be relevant to understand our enemy better." It added calmly, almost with a friendly tone to it.

"Erm... Well... I don't really know... There... There was nothing, and nothing happened." Shinji was very nervous, talking like this with invisible interlocutors. The whole staging for this interview made him anxious. Even the fact that he had to wear his plugsuit made him nervous.

"Do you think the Angel tried to communicate with you at some point ?" The first voice which spoke to Asuka asked. Its tone was calm too, but it betrayed some anticipation. Some impatience.

"I erm... Don't think so. I've dreamed that I had a conversation with myself." He was embarrassed by the conversation, he hadn't told anyone about it, not even Asuka, and he sure didn't want to tell people he didn't even know what this conversation was about. Not to mention that telling them that it was seeing Asuka that triggered, according to him, the Eva going berserk. "I... Don't remember the conversation. After that, I woke up and the Eva took control and destroyed the Angel. I passed out so I don't know what happened. I'm Sorry."

"According to the partial recording we managed to recover, you activated your Evangelion consciously moments before it took control." Said the first voice.

"I panicked. I woke up thinking I was going to die. I didn't want to die." Shinji said with despair.

"That'll be enough. You're dismissed." The third voice said, understanding that they wouldn't get anymore useful informations from the Third Child, before the light went out under Shinji, and the one under his father turned on.

"The Angels appear to be getting more and more intelligent. There's not much time left." Gendo said without even moving, his fingers crossed in front of his mouth.

"Left for us, you mean ?" The third voice, the voice of Keel Lorenz, asked rhetorically.

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.

The silence was heavy in the Alpine that was bringing the trio back to their home. They all were preoccupied by what happened with the Committee. Misato still felt guilty for putting her kids through it. As a consequence, she decided that she had caught up enough on her paperwork to allow herself some time off so she could spend more time with her wards, to give them some semblance of a normal life.

When they arrived home, She grabbed herself a beer that she savored, for once, after having changed in her usual tank top and mini shorts. Asuka went straight to the bathroom to take a shower and Shinji started making dinner. The interviews didn't last long for both Pilots, but they made them wait a long time before going through with it.

When Asuka came out of the bathroom, wearing only a towel around her body and another around her hair, the first thing she did was scream at Shinji and scold him because dinner wasn't ready yet. She really enjoyed this. She could scream at him to her heart's content and she knew it was consequence free, since he was one of the only ones she had shown the real Asuka, even if it was just a glimpse. She just hoped he knew, because she couldn't bring herself to tell him what she had said to herself in her Entry-plug yet, she had already enough of a hard time accepting it herself.

The mood improved significantly as dinner went on. All three of them were more than happy to release some steam. The last few nights had taken a toll on them, and they had needed this, consequently, none of them did anything to darken the mood, Asuka didn't shout as much as before dinner, and Shinji kept quiet in order not to apologize. It was the best option in his mind, and he felt content just listening to his two roommates talking about nothing in particular. The only thing that kept him from truly relaxing was the slight smirk that Asuka wore. He knew from experience that this facial expression meant that she had something in mind.

And he was right. When he stood up and picked up their plates to do the dishes, he threw a nervous glare in her direction, which she noticed, but ignored. Even if she could have, she didn't want to let this opportunity go to waste. The moment was perfect. The pieces were set. The plan was in motion. 'Oh he wants Misato to know ? Fine ! But it will be on my own terms.' Her plan was foolproof. Simple, yet elegant... Well, mostly.

"Hey Shin-Chan~ !" A very tipsy and very cheerful Misato called. "You shouldn't push yourself this hard ! You don't have to clean everything right away ! Come back with us !" She said with her cutest voice.

"Don't you dare, Invincible Shinji." Asuka replied. Her tone was a mix between joking and threatening which made shivers run down Shinji's spine. "I don't want to live in a slum ! And I know what's going to happen if you start listening to Misato !"

"I'll be done in a minute anyway." He answered, defeated.

"You're no fun." Misato pouted before consoling herself with her beer.

'GO !' Asuka thought. "By the way, Misato..." She paused for effect and was satisfied to see that her guardian kept drinking her beer while her eyes turned to her. "Shinji and I have been sleeping together for the past week or so." She continued casually.

And everything went exactly according to plan. Misato spat the beer that was still in her mouth and choked on the liquid that was in her throat. She started coughing. She was turning red, tears forming in her eyes, beer shooting out of her nostrils. Shinji, for his part, was paralyzed like a deer in headlight, as red as Misato, but for different reasons. He was still holding his sponge in his right hand but had dropped the plate he was cleaning.

Asuka wiped some beer from her face with a napkin, a small price to pay, she thought, as she continued. "What's happening to you ? Are you okay ?" She asked innocently. "Oh ! You thought we are actually sleeping together as in... Sleeping together ?" She said in mock-surprise. "Don't be silly ! I just mean that we both sleep in the same bed, nothing more !"

Misato tried to look angry when she finally stopped coughing, but the effect was somewhat lost on the girl in front of her.

"Oh come on ! You've been teasing us non stop since I moved in here ! You can't act like that now !" Asuka replied to the unspoken remark, still with a smirk on her face.

"I'm not talking about that !" Misato shot out with a hoarse voice, her face stern, her tone almost menacing.

"What do..." She was cut by her Major.

"You're far too young to be doing this." She said. Her tipsy and friendly demeanor gone in an instant. It's at this precise moment that Pen Pen decided to make a strategic retreat to his fridge. "You think the both of you can do what the hell you want ? I can't believe it. You two are completely irresponsible." She continued, her voice was calm but everyone in the room could see that she wasn't. "We are at war. We cannot afford to jeopardize the survival of mankind because two kids cannot stop making doe eyes at each other."

"Then maybe you shouldn't have made me move in with you !" Asuka was furious. She slammed her palms against the table as she stood up, knocking her chair down in the process. "I warned you Misato ! I told you when _you_ made me move in that it was a bad idea ! But you didn't listen, did you ? All of us knew right from the start that something like this could happen ! And now you want to separate us because you don't want to face the consequences of _your_ actions !"

"I guess you're right. I should never have allowed two irresponsible teenagers to live together, but for someone who keeps heralding how mature you are, you really did make a point in proving that these are just empty words !" Misato stood up as well. Disappointment could be heard in every word she said. "I can't let you two live together anymore... I can't trust you."

"You can't do that Misato-San !" Shinji said pleadingly but with determination while coming close to Asuka, drawing strength from her closeness and encouraging her at the same time. "Asuka didn't want you to know." He said with conviction which earned him a look of anger from Asuka and made Misato's stance falter a little. "It was my idea. Because I thought you of all people would understand. Because I thought we could trust you. That it would make you happy..." he trailed off.

Shinji's remark really hurt her, but she hid it from them. She couldn't stop now. "I want to be happy for you... I really do... I know that both of you more than deserve as much happiness as you can get." She said in a more subdued tone. "But I just can't let you... As your guardian and especially as your commanding officer. There's just too much at stake. I'm sure you can understand that." She started walking around the table as she kept on justifying herself. "Imagine if you broke up. What would happen to your ability to pilot ? "She raised a hand towards Asuka. "Don't interrupt me !" She added with authority before continuing. "Or if one of you took unnecessary risks and got injured or even killed to protect the other ?.. I'm sorry but it's the human race's future we are talking about." She said in a despondent tone as she arrived just next to her charges...

… And swiftly took them both into a crushing bear hug ! Shinji yelped and almost fainted. Asuka gasped as the air was pushed out of her lungs. They both struggled against their assailant before understanding that it was a lost cause. Misato was laughing while holding them in an unconventional group hug.

"What the hell are you doing !?" Asuka asked, she was still very much angry at Misato and didn't quite understand what was happening.

"Are you dense ?" Misato teased. "Of course I'm happy for you guys !.. But never try to fool me again." She said mock-menacingly as she released them from her iron grip.

"Y-You mean you won't..." Shinji tried to ask.

"Of course I won't separate you ! You two lovebirds are too adorable together for that !" She answered cheerfully.

"So you're going to tease us even more. You had a great idea there, Baka Shinji."

"T-Thank you, Misato-San" Shinji finally managed to regain enough composure to make a full sentence.

"You're the only one who knows about us. Well, you and Pen Pen, of course. And we intend on keeping it that way, so don't tell anyone, alright ?" Asuka demanded. She was relieved that everything went well, but that didn't mean they didn't have things to settle.

"I'm glad you trust me enough to tell me this. Trust me, I won't tell anyone, but you guys have to be careful too, okay ? You have Section 2 agents following you pretty much everywhere, and I'm pretty sure _some_ people wouldn't be too happy to know about you two being together."

Asuka grimaced a little at this last word. They hadn't decided if they indeed were together. They probably were, but they, or she, didn't want to put a label on them yet. She was an independent woman. She didn't need anyone. She didn't want to lose this. "We already know that. By the way, it would be nice to have a little bit more freedom. I haven't forgotten Okinawa, you know."

Misato gave her an apologetic look. "You have to be even more careful because now my ass in on the line as well ! I will get fired if anyone learns that I hid this information !"

"Maybe it would be better for everyone involved." Asuka answered sarcastically.

"I know you don't really think that !" She hugged them again, this time less forcefully. They both returned the hug after some awkward seconds. "I'm so happy for you !" She freed them. " I'm going to bed, don't be too loud tonight, lovebirds !"

"Misato !" Both Children blushed and shouted at the same time. But Misato was already out of the dining room and almost at her bedroom. They looked at each other, shrugged, then went to the bathroom to brush their teeth. They got even redder when they realized it was just like during their sync training. They then went to their room in silence.

.

.

The light of the setting sun made the depiction of the Kabbalistic Tree of Life in the scarcely furnished office glimmer eerily.

"This is a development we did not foresee." Fuyutsuki stated, breaking the silence after what had seemed like hours to him. Maybe it had been.

"If development it is.." Gendo answered." There is nothing concrete as of right now." The last thing they had listened to was the audio recording of the last fight, before the two Evangelions were swallowed by the Shadow.

"This could endanger the scenario." Fuyutsuki had learned over the years how to talk to his superior in order to coax informations from him.. Gendo still kept his secrets, of course, but the Professor had managed to get informations he should not have known thanks to this skill he had developed.

"As I said, we do not have anything concrete. I will have Rei gather informations on them. We are not going to take measures, especially since it could prove beneficial to the scenario." Gendo replied in his usual deadpan tone.

"How is that ?"

""We did not have any use for the Second anymore. Now, we might be able to use her to "motivate" the Third. You have seen how he reacted when he encountered Rei. He can easily be manipulated. If he is infatuated with the Second, this will be even easier... And if the need shall arise, we can use more persuasive measures." Gendo crossed his fingers before his mouth as he finished his sentence.

"Are you saying.." Fuyutsuki was cut before he could finish his question.

"Yes. Furthermore, it might be just what we would need t use him as a contingency in case Rei was to become... Unreliable." Gendo stated.

Fuyutsuki could have kept the conversation going, yet his thoughts prevented him from doing so. 'Yui would have never accepted you using _her_ son like this. Will you be able to look her in the eyes after this ?' His thoughts were interrupted by his phone ringing.

"What ?" He answered sternly.

A hesitant and shaky voice answered the question. "The... The Second Branch Sir, it disappeared."

"It disappeared ?! The entire Second Branch just vanished ?!" Fuyutsuki wasn't taken aback as much as he sounded. He only repeated the information for the other person in the room.

"Yes, Sir, it's been confirmed. It's gone."

.

.

.'Gott this had to be the worst idea this idiot ever had ! Asuka thought, and this time she decided to tell Shinji about it. She typed her message on her computer and sent it.

Asuka L.S. : "_This has to be the worst idea you ever had, idiot._"

Shinji I. : "_What ?_" Shinji cleverly replied.

Asuka L.S. : "_Me, Hikari, you and your Stooges._"

Shinji I : "_Sorry._"

Asuka L.S. :"_I'm going to punch you if this class ever ends._"

Asuka L.S. : "_We can't just start this without a good reason._"

Shinji I. : "_At least you're thinking about it, I'm glad._" It was easier for Shinji to be open on instant messaging. There was a rather long pause in their conversation. Shinji could hear Asuka typing, then stopping, then restarting a few times before he received a new message.

Asuka L.S. : "_Okay. I admit. It's not that bad of an idea._"

Asuka L.S. : "_It's just that we can't just tell them that it's NERV related. It might be enough for your idiot friends but Hikari would never buy it._"

Shinji I. : "_You think the class rep will agree ?_"

Asuka L.S. : "_You just gave me a great idea ! Tell me you forgot our lunches today !_"

Shinji I. : "_You will scream at me ?_"

Asuka L.S. : "_Oh yes ! But it's a small sacrifice, don't you think ?_"

Shinji I. : "_I don't have a choice anyway. Please don't be too harsh._"

Asuka L.S. : "_You know me !_" She concluded with a smirk that he didn't see. Indeed, he knew her. He knew she was going to be harsh. Or he would soon find out.

The class went on forever in everyone's mind until finally, the bell rang, marking the beginning of lunch break.

"Lunch time ! Lunch time ! This is the single best thing about school !" Toji exclaimed, his lecture-induced torpor already far behind him. Nothing could taint his good mood. Nothing except a high pitched shriek coming from a Demon. He turned in the direction of the parasitic noise just in time to see said Demon punching his friend rather hard on the shoulder. Shinji's cry of pain was drowned in Asuka's rambling.

"You didn't make lunches for us ?" She asked with all the anger she could muster. She knew that her lunch was safely packed in Shinji's bag, but she had to pass on it in order to move her plan forward.

"I didn't have time to cook last night. I had too much homework." Shinji managed to sound convincing. He used his disappointment to fuel his acting. He would have to eat the disgusting "food" of the cafeteria or skip lunch altogether

"And that's your excuse for me having to go without lunch ?!" She was about to drop the act and go rummage through Shinji's bag to get her lunch when she was interrupted by Toji.

"A husband and wife quarrel ?" Shinji and Asuka both blushed furiously at his comment. The other students around them started laughing and cheering as the both of them felt heat course through their bodies. They wanted nothing more than to disappear at this instant. The thought crossed both their minds that their secret had been discovered and that it was just a matter of time now before they would be separated.

"It's not like that !" They regained their composure at the same time and shouted to Toji in unison.

"Hikari, come with me !" Asuka demanded, and Hikari obliged. She hadn't been really angry when she had been screaming at Shinji, but Toji's snarky comment had put her in a bad mood. When they were far enough away from anyone, she spoke again. "I didn't want to be this hard on you."

"Don't worry, I understand." Hikari replied. They went to a quiet place and sat down. "Do you want to share my lunch ? I always make too much anyway."

'I really don't deserve a friend like you.' Asuka thought before nodding. "Thank you !" She said with a smile. Hikari started eating as both of them fell silent again. After a while, Asuka broke the silence. "Hey, could I sleep at your place tonight ?"

"Uhm... Sure ! Of course ! But if you don't mind me asking, why ?" Hikari was surprised. Asuka had never been one to partake in this kind of activities. She was too mature for that, she always said.

"I spend far too much time with the idiot, Jock Stooge's joke earlier is proof of that. I need some time off from this wimp or else everyone is going to start believing we really are a married couple !" She answered, her eyes in the distance.

'Everyone already believes that. You two are the only one who don't see it.' Hikari thought before giving her bento box to Asuka who quickly shoved as much food as she could in her mouth. "I already told you, you should be nicer to him." She said, a hint of annoyance in her voice. "And you could be nicer to Suzuhara too." She mumbled, almost inaudibly. Almost.

She didn't want to talk about Shinji, maybe tonight she would but for now, she was glad to have an opportunity to end this conversation. "And why should I be nicer to Suzuhara ?" She asked in a mellow tone.

"No reason !" Hikari yelped as she turned beet red, then fell silent.

"I'll have to go back home to pick some stuff up, I'll come to your house after okay ?" Asuka stated, relieved to have dodged that bullet.

"I... Yeah. Okay !" She still wasn't over the shock brought by Asuka's incredible hearing.

.

.

When the bell marking the end of the day rang, every student in classroom 2-A sighed with relief. They all packed their bags and left the classroom in record time, except for four of them. As Asuka finally informed Shinji that she was spending the night at Hikari's, much to his disappointment, Hikari herself went to speak to Toji. Asuka gave Shinji a reassuring, albeit discreet smile and whispered to him "Come on, you can handle sleeping alone for one night, right ?" He nodded slightly, with a smile tainted with a little sadness. Asuka then turned on her heels and left the classroom on her own.

"Suzuhara, you've got the duty this week. Get to work !" Hikari said with her usual authority.

"What do you mean ?" Toji answered, looking confused.

"The class printout ! Didn't you hear the teacher tell you to deliver this ?"

"Come on, you can ask the other person on duty, can't you ?" Toji replied, clearly showing how unwilling he was.

"Miss Ayanami is absent today !" Hikari's behavior hadn't changed.

"Ayanami and me ? Then I guess there's no choice. But I don't want to go to some girl's place by myself." Toji said as he saw an opportunity to make this chore less boring.

Hikari saw an opportunity as well and decided to go with it. Sure, it would mean making Asuka wait, but she would understand. She would probably go on and on about how stupid Toji was, but she would understand. "Well, I can go with you..."

But her hopes vanished when Toji shouted. "Shinji ! Walk home with me, will you ?"

.

.

Unfortunately for Toji, the walk to Rei's apartment didn't offer much in the way of entertainment. Shinji didn't seem to be in a talking mood, even less than usual. He seemed to be pondering something. When they arrived at Rei's front door, Toji refrained from commenting on it. Or on her building. Or on her neighborhood for that matter. He knew that it was a sketchy neighborhood to say the least, but he hadn't witnessed how dilapidated it looked with his own eyes. Every building there seemed about to crumble. Everything was dirty and full of rubble.

"Ayanami, we're coming in." Shinji stated after they had stayed for some time in front of the door.

"You can't enter a girl's room without her permission." Toji retorted with evident shock in his voice.

"We've got no choice. She won't see it if we leave it there." Shinji said while gesturing at the mailbox. He then opened the door when he finished his sentence. "Excuse us..." When he didn't get an answer, he entered, took off his shoes and headed inside the main room, followed closely by Toji.

"Good grief ! This is a girl's room ? It's so decrepit." Toji said in an astounded tone.

Shinji didn't fail to notice that the upper drawer of Rei's dresser was slightly ajar. He shook the memory out of his mind and went to the bed, where he placed the printouts. After that, he knelt down and started picking up dirty rags from the floor.

"Hey, you shouldn't touch anything ! She'll get pissed !" Toji said in a warning tone when he saw what his friend was doing.

"I'm just cleaning up."

"I won't help you ! That's not a man's job !"

"Okay, but Misato hates guys like that." Shinji answered sardonically. He hadn't asked for any help, but it was too easy to pass up.

Toji gasped. "I don't care ! It's my policy !" He obviously was flustered.

Shinji picked up his garbage bag and headed for another pile of rags. Toji sat down on a chair, still watching him, still not helping him.

"Come to think of it, you've changed."

"What ?" Shinji didn't seem to pay attention, or he really hadn't understood.

"You, Shinji." Toji clarified as Shinji turned to face him "The first time I saw you, I really thought you were a jerk. You didn't seem like you would do something for someone else." He paused, then his eyes went to the ceiling. "I guess you're just really reserved."

Shinji pondered this comment for a few seconds. "I guess opening up to others can lead to good things." Their conversation was interrupted when Rei entered her apartment.

"Excuse us !" Toji said raising his hand at her.

"What ?" Rei said without inflection.

"Those are the school bulletins you have piled up." Toji answered while pointing his thumb in the general direction of the printouts.

"I'm sorry ! I took it upon myself to clean up a little. But I didn't touch anything except trash." Shinji chimed in, raising his garbage bag.

Rei blushed. "T-Thank you." Shinji was shocked to see her troubled like this. They then bid her farewell and left her alone.

Rei then slumped onto her bed. She laid there for some time, her arms in front of her face, deep in thought.

"Thank you... Words of gratitude. Words I've never used. Not even to him. I cannot spy on Ikari." She spoke to herself, with disappointment, or even disgust in her tone. It was very subtle, but it was there. She was confused, never before had she disobeyed an order, expecially one from the Commander, but she couldn't bring herself to do something that might harm the only person which showed real kindness towards her.

.

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On their way home, they didn't speak once again but Toji wanted to know more about what Shinji had told him. "What did you mean ? When we were at Rei's."

"Oh. I-I meant that doing something for someone. O-Or just t-talking, can lead to good things." he didn't really like where the conversation was going, one wrong step and Toji would learn about him and Asuka.

"Do you have something to tell me then ?" Toji sensed that there was something more to this story, so he pushed Shinji.

"Erm... I m-mean that I've been alone most of the time... B-before I arrived here... So it's something that I had never learned." It was getting more and more uncomfortable for Shinji, he had to think of something fast. But just as he was about to mumble incomprehensibly, an idea came to his mind. "Y-You see, if I had talked to you instead of letting you punch me without doing anything, maybe we could have avoided it altogether."

Satisfied with this answer Toji answered. "Yeah... I guess you're right..."

Still frightened about the possible outcome he wished to avoid, Shinji decided to make a hasty retreat. Running away was still his preferred strategy in many situations. "Well, I-I have to go this way, I have some errands to run. Bye !" He went away without waiting for Toji to answer. He had thought about it when walking with Toji. Asuka wouldn't be home tonight, it was the perfect moment so he decided to put his plan into motion. And for that, he indeed had some errands to run.

"Bye..." Toji answered. "... Eva pilots are sure weird all right."

.

.

A/N : Well. This chapter was hard to write ! I guess I experimented writer's block for the first time. It was pretty cool, it allowed me to watch all 39 episodes of Nadia again. Good anime, I recommend it !

I tried to correct some of the "mistakes" I made in the previous chapter. They are not really mistakes, but I guess I should have let this chapter rest more because I wasn't satisfied with some things that I wrote in it. Oh well, what's done is done as they say.

Anyway, I hope you like it, and as always, thanks for reading !


	7. Hold on

Spending the evening with Hikari had been nice. Even though Asuka wasn't entirely looking forward to seeing how the night would go. She was still too proud to show her weaknesses, so she hid how she felt to Shinji, but she knew that her nightmares hadn't disappeared, that they were still there, waiting to come back. She tried not to think about it, enjoying the time she was spending with her best friend. They had a good time chatting about this and that, exchanging pleasantries, cooking (Asuka even helped !), Hikari had wanted to ask her if she wanted to cook something for Shinji, but abstained when she remembered why Asuka was here in the first place. She wanted to talk to her about him though, to understand what was in her mind, but she didn't want to sour the mood.

Long story short, they had a great time, nothing to complain about.

'Is she going to tell me about her crush for Jock Stooge one day ?!' Except that. Finding stuff to complain about had always been one of Asuka's strong suit. Except that this time, her complain was justified. Her whole plan relied on this, and she knew that demanding answers was the easiest way to fail her little operation miserably. And Asuka Langley Soryu did not fail. She had to wait. Which was another problem, since she wasn't known for her patience. Waiting for Hikari to spit it out was taking a toll on her nerves. She wanted to lead the discussion towards him, but the only things she could think about concerning Toji were demeaning to say the least, and since she had never called him by his name, she thought it wouldn't work as planned. She still had time, she could still wait until the next morning, when they would be on their way to school.

.

.

The evening passed and gave way to the night. The two girls went to bed in Hikari's room, which, in the image of her resident, was tidy and clean, almost spartan, with very few decorations and furnitures, yet still felt welcoming and cozy. It was rather big, with a double bed, a meridian in one corner, a desk on the opposite corner and a TV. Asuka was sleeping on a futon on the floor between the bed and the TV. They went to her room relatively early, not to bother (and be bothered by) her family. They played video games for a while, idly chatting at the same time. Eventually, they decided to go to bed and call it a night, but Asuka didn't want to sleep yet.

"So, wanna talk about Suzuhara ?"Asuka finally asked, her voice low so as not to disturb Hikari's family. She couldn't stand waiting anymore.

"How did you know ?" Hikari replied a bit startled.

"It's pretty obvious. The three stooges are the only ones who can't see it." Asuka answered, smiling. A reassuring smile which was meant to show that she wasn't judging her friend. Not that it was very much visible in the dark room.

"Ikari seems naive" Hikari stated, once again trying to steer the conversation towards Shinji. If she was to talk about her crush, so was Asuka, she thought.

"Actually, he's just a dolt" Asuka said, raising a finger to emphasize her point. "He's an idiot too. He hasn't got any idea as to how to relate to others."

"Why are you always like this when talking about him ? Do you hate him that much ?" Hikari was disappointed. Once again Asuka wasn't going to tell her anything, nor be honest with herself.

Asuka didn't expect that question. And she didn't want to lie to her friend, yet she couldn't tell her the truth. As much as she trusted her, this was their thing. Hers and Shinji's. She had already compromised enough by telling Misato, she wasn't about to tell anyone else yet. "I... Don't hate him... I... We... He's one of the only ones who can understand me..." She lamely answered, unnerved by her hesitation. "Since he's a Pilot as well." And quickly added. She didn't know what else she could say to be honest without saying too much.

"Then why are you always like this with him ?" Hikari asked, quite surprised that she had been able to coax this much from her friend.

"... I don't know. To be honest I don't mind spending time with him that much. I want things to be clear I guess. We live together, we train together, we fight together... I don't want people to think that we could be a thing." It was mostly an honest answer. 'This is our secret. Nobody has to know.' She added mentally.

"Most people already believe it Asuka. Some of your admirers gave up on you because of that." Hikari stated. She wasn't too keen on gossiping, but her role of class representative meant that she had ears everywhere.

'And I don't want to find out what they'd do if they knew.' Asuka thought before answering, getting carried away. "And some others think of it as a challenge. Those same _boys_ who only want me as a trophy." She spat the word with visible disgust.

"I thought you liked the attention." Hikari wasn't sure about herself when she said that. But she heard this directly from Asuka in the past, who had always taken great pride in not going unnoticed.

"I do hate it !" She blurted out vehemently. "They are just lusting after my appearance, my body. It's shallow and it signifies nothing. Even worse, I'm the Red Demon for most of them ! They can't stand me yet they want me. I feel sick just thinking about them !" Her mind went back to Shinji and what he told her about his mother. 'None of these jerks can understand me, or would even try to. And I still lock out the only one who can...'

Seeing her best friend like this, Hikari was moved, she had never told her such personal things before. "It's unusual for you to be this open. I'm glad you trust me enough to tell me all this."

"I don't talk about myself, you're right. I don't like to. But I learned there's some good to be had when talking, so I'm trying..." She paused not sure of how to continue, and having talked about her enough for now. "Can I ask you one thing ?"

"What ?" Hikari knew that the conversation just came back to her and her crush.

"What do you see in a simple minded stooge like that ?" Asuka asked calmly, her tone indicated to Hikari that she wasn't insulting him. Much.

"His compassion..." Hikari answered, blushing.

"I really don't understand you sometimes..." She stated, nonplussed. Inside, however, she was happy, her plan had worked, again, with some adjustments, maybe, but it had worked, with the benefit of having shared something with someone, which relieved her of a weight on her shoulders. Even though it hadn't been her goal, she was happy to feel relieved of it. 'One more success for Asuka Langley Soryu, strategist.' She amusedly thought. "That being said, I can help you. How would you like to eat with him at school ?"

"You could do that ?" Her voice couldn't have sounded happier.

"I can use my influence so that the Stooges and us eat together. I'll have to tell everything to the idiot, of course. We'll tell the other Stooges that it's NERV related, they'll never suspect anything." Asuka explained.

"I don't know." As much as she would have liked to eat with Toji, Hikari still wasn't sure.

"Don't worry. I'll make sure he won't tell anyone." Asuka had already thought of everything. And she knew Shinji wouldn't jeopardize the both of them being able to spend more time together.

"But we'll be using him. It doesn't seem fair." Hikari inquired, worried.

Asuka hadn't thought about this, because she knew he was the one who had wanted this in the first place. The idea had crossed her mind as well, but she didn't want to admit it to him. Thankfully, the answer came naturally to her. "This is nothing compared to what I'll have to endure. I'll have to be there too ! Plus, he'll have the privilege of basking in my glory."

"And you'll be able to spend more time with him !" Hikari teased, hoping that after what she had said, Asuka would finally take the hint !

"Don't push it. This is a great sacrifice I'm willing to make to help you. You'll be forever in my debt !" Asuka joked in her most solemn tone.

"I agree ! When do we start ?"

.

.

With all that he had to do, Shinji arrived home later than usual, laden with several grocery bags. "I'm home." he said automatically as he kicked off his shoes while focusing on not dropping anything. When he reached the kitchen, was greeted by one of his roommates.

"Hey Shin-Chan, I thought you'd be here when I arrived !" Misato said before seeing him struggling a little with his burden. "Oh my ! What's all this ? I thought we had enough groceries for a while ! " She added as she came closer to him, not to help, but to rummage through one of the bags. "Hmmm, potatoes, sausages, flour, chocolate..." She then added with an overly teasing tone, even for her. "Well well well ! Does my lovely Shinji intend to do something special for his lovely girlfriend ?"

Shinji instantly blushed upon hearing the word 'girlfriend'. "Y-yeah... Sh-she's not here t-tonight, so I wanted to surprise her." he stuttered lamely.

"That's so very sweet of you Shin-Chan !" Misato kept on teasing him, ruffling his hair in the process. "You're such a sweetheart !" Shinji couldn't do anything but stay frozen while Misato was punishing him with her teasing skills. She finally stopped and took his bags to put them on the kitchen table. "I'm sorry Shinji. It's just that I'm really happy for you guys !"

Regaining his composure enough, he finally spoke. "T-that's alright... Misato-San, c-can I ask you something ?" Shinji asked, clearly embarrassed.

But embarrassed from what he had to ask or what she had done, Misato had no clue. "Of course, what is it ?" It took her as a consequence all her willpower not to start teasing him again.

"I... Don't know when we'll be able to... But... You know..." He was too sheepish to finish his sentence.

"You're just too sweet ! Of course I won't be there to get in your way ! Just tell me when you know and I'll go out with Kaji if I'm not at NERV dealing with paperwork !" She did her best to keep her tone and expression as happy as it was, even while thinking about how much work she still had to do in the aftermath of the last Angel battle.

"... Sorry." Shinji felt guilty for imposing himself and his ideas on her. Not to mention Pen Pen, whose fridge was to be partly commandeered in order to store the ingredients he had bought. It was the only place where he was sure Asuka wouldn't go to.

'Don't worry about it ! I told you. You deserve to be happy. Both of you, so if I can help, count on me to do it !" Misato brushed his worries cheerily. "I saw you rented a movie. Don't forget to watch it before you guys eat, so at least you have one thing to talk about !"

It's at this moment that it hit him. For most of his life, Shinji Ikari had been alone. Living with his teacher had been nothing more than convenient, he had a roof over his head, food in his plate, but barely any social interaction. At this time, he merely existed, and it was enough for him, at least, it felt like it was enough. But upon hearing Misato's answer, he finally understood that living with others could be so much more, and he realized how much he had missed in the last years. Getting closer to Asuka had opened his eyes. And Misato helped him understand that things that could have been so trivial, so insignificant, were incredibly important. Her helping him was one thing, Toji standing up for him was another, Rei smiling to him was one too. In the past, he would have brushed these things off, but now they were impossible to ignore. They overwhelmed him. He managed to finally answer a simple "Thank you." with tears in his eyes and a cracking voice.

Misato understood. She had seen how the boy used to be in the few months that she had known him. It was heartwarming for her to see him growing like he was doing. She thus settled for a slight nod and a smile before leaving him alone. She faintly heard Shinji pleading and negotiating with Pen Pen in order to use his fridge for a few days over the sound of the TV.

.

.

Like every day since she had moved in with them, Shinji had prepared Asuka's lunch for the day. He had been slightly disappointed as a consequence when he saw her eating a bento prepared by Hikari. Only slightly because he was really happy to see her. It had not even been a full day, but he got used to having her sleeping next to him really quickly. He had settled for giving his extra lunch to Toji.

"Shinji, that's a hidden talent ya got there. The Demon really can't appreciate anything !" Toji exclaimed, his mouth still filled with food. He had been glad to eat a properly cooked meal instead of the disgusting food of the cafeteria, but he hadn't anticipated it to be this good !

Shinji however, felt rather conflicted. On the one hand, even as small as it was, this praising of his cooking filled him with joy. He hadn't been praised a lot during his short life, so each and every one were memories he kept close to his heart. The small ones like this one and the more important ones alike. On the other hand, it was getting more and more difficult for him to keep a straight face when his friends insulted his girlfriend... Misato's choice of words sure had a way to stir the young boy's mind. He had kept a long part of the night thinking about it. Of course he had already given it some thought, but never had it been so overpowering before. 'Girlfriend ?' The question kept ringing in his brain. Just one word. One word which carried so much implications. 'Is she my girlfriend ?' The idea thrilled him, but he couldn't talk to her about it, lest he suffered a swift retribution. If the discussion was to be brought up, she would be the one to do it.

It was the only thing he could think about, consequently, he wasn't able to suppress the grimace which contorted his features when he heard the blow directed at his fellow pilot.

"What is it ? What did she do ?" Kensuke didn't fail to notice this slip in his friend's composure. Toji's face grew more serious as he put down the bento box to fully concentrate on what Shinji would say.

"Nothing !" he quickly answered. Much too quickly not to be suspicious.

"Very convincing. Come on, tell us !" Toji pressed.

"She was at Hikari's yesterday. How could she have done anything ?" Shinji said, matter-of-factly. He felt guilty for being glad for so many reasons that she wasn't there last night. He had missed her, her presence, her warmth, her scent, but he couldn't deny that it had been convenient for him. And it kept on being convenient, which made him feel even guiltier.

"Oh. Well then, I hope you enjoyed your respite." Kensuke joked. "It must have been nice to have a peaceful evening for once !"

But Shinji just answered "Hmmm." before going back to wallowing in his guilt.

.

.

"I was worried about you." Shinji always felt more comfortable talking in the darkness of their room, when her head was laying on his chest, when she wasn't facing him directly. Since they had told Misato, it was now officially their room, not only hers. That being said, he had slept in his own bed when she wasn't there. He didn't feel comfortable enough yet. He still felt like he would have intruded in her privacy.

"Seriously Ikari, you really need to stop thinking I'm just a helpless little girl !" Asuka shot back, a little annoyed. 'But never stop worrying about me, please.' Her own mind implored.

"I'm sorry... Ouch !" He yelped in pain as Asuka pinched him. He understood why. "It's just that... That you... Y-you looked tired today a-and you haven't had any nightmares since we..." He wasn't sure it was a good idea to talk about this, but he wanted to be honest with her. And he had genuinely been worried about her.

'So you noticed that.' Asuka was surprised, but not in a bad way. "We stayed up late talking." She answered plainly. Shinji, however, had also noticed that Hikari didn't seem as tired as her. "But I had nightmares too. How did you know ?"

He didn't really know how to formulate this. He was sure she would get angry. Against his better judgment, he decided to be truthful with her. "I heard you sometimes before..."

"And you never tried to comfort me ?" She did sound a bit angry.

"I didn't know how ! I-I was sure you'd kick me out of your room, literally." He was getting really nervous now.

'You could have just held me.' Asuka thought. "You could have tried." He was right, she probably would have been really pissed at him for seeing her like this, for pitying her. It wasn't as bad now, she knew it was genuine care, not pity, and she could open up more, even if she kept most of her thoughts and feelings to herself.

"You want to talk about them ?" Shinji inquired, not knowing where to go from this. However, he held her a bit tighter as a response. He was there now. He would comfort her if he could, right now, it was the only thing he could think about.

"No." Her answer was harsh, not leaving any room for discussion. They stayed like this, in each other's arms for some time, in silence. Shinji felt his eyelids getting heavier, the soothing effect of her body against him relaxing him so much that he was almost asleep. "Did you know that Hikari had a crush on one of your stooges ?"

Shinji jolted. He wasn't expecting to be pulled out from sleep. Asuka chuckled at his reaction. "She has a crush on Kensuke ?" He asked, drowsy.

"On Jock Stooge, idiot ! Gott, you really _are_ dense !" She corrected him, smiling. "Anyway, thanks to them, we have our cover now." She added.

"It was well worth getting yelled at then." He barely finished his sentence before yawning.

"Gute Nacht, Dummkopf !" She said softly before planting a soft peck on his lips. A victory, however small, always made her happy, and being able to gloat about it made it even better.

"Good night, Asuka."

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.

To say that this first lunch they spent together had been awkward was an understatement. Hikari had been thrilled, of course, at first, as well as Asuka and Shinji, even though they didn't show it. Asuka had done a great job at looking deeply annoyed by the situation. In the end, she didn't have to act anymore. The other two didn't seem very happy to have to share this moment of freedom from the painfully dull lessons with the Red Demon and the Pigtailed Dictator. Thus, they all ate in uneasy silence, every small talk and conversation attempts falling flat.

Suffice it to say, Asuka was not happy about that. She hadn't expected the most pleasant lunch break of her life, mainly because it was a silly thing to expect, but at least the two Stooges could have made some efforts. She hadn't spoken much to Shinji on their way to NERV as a consequence, because she didn't want to vent her frustration on him too much, even if it had been his idea in the first place ! As she wasn't sure that she would be able to stay calm, she had settled for quickening her pace, leaving him behind. 'And now I have to go fetch Misato for Doctor Fake Blond. Don't they have phones in this organization ? Gott !' She was about to go change into her plugsuit when she had been asked by Ritsuko.

She found her in the cafeteria, and was pleasantly surprised to see who she was with. Not as much as she thought she would be though, but hey, she still had to act like she was. "Kaji !" She shouted in her cutest voice. She then turned to Misato. "The doc wants to see you." Before turning back to face Kaji, completely ignoring Misato's answer. "So, are you going to buy me a drink ?" She half asked, half demanded in the same mellow voice.

"Sure thing kiddo ! I wanted to show you something !" He said as he selected a drink for his former ward. He knew her well enough not to have to ask her what she wanted. They then walked side by side outside until they reached a small garden in a clearing surrounded by various trees with...

"Watermelons ?" Asuka asked, nonplussed.

"Yeah, aren't they cute ? This is my hobby. Keep it a secret, okay ?" Kaji said cheerily. "Growing... Making something grow is really great. One can see and learn so many things from the process. It also brings pleasure." He had something on his mind, something that he had wanted to talk about with her or Shinji for a while now, so he steered the conversation towards it. Asuka stood still, her eyes on the watermelons, she didn't answer. "Have you found what gives you pleasure, Asuka ?" Kaji continued his monologue.

Images of Shinji came through her mind. A slight smile appeared on her lips. "I don't know." It was an honest answer. Sure, she had something that made her happy right now, but she didn't know if it would last, or even if it was indeed real happiness. There were many questions she still had to answer.

"I think you have..." She turned her head towards him, not sure of where this was going. After a short pause, he continued. "I know about you and Shinji."

Asuka's eyes went wide. "How ? I'm going to kill Misato !" She was annoyed, but not that angry. Kaji was one of the few people she trusted, to a certain extent. She wasn't someone who could trust someone blindly. He was still the only one she wasn't mad at for knowing so much about her past. Even though nobody deserved to know, he had proved himself to her.

"She hasn't told me anything. I checked on you guys when Katsuragi and I came back from the wedding." He paused. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to spy on you."

"That night was..." She trailed off, pensive, before her haughtiness came back. "So..." She started on a teasing tone. "How did it make you feel ? Weren't you sad when you understood that you missed your chance with me ? That no woman you'll ever be with will be as good as I am ?" She flicked her hair over her shoulder with her right hand to emphasize her point.

"Missed my chance ? I guess you like the boy more than I would have expected !" He joked, making her blush. She turned her head to hide it.

Asuka was flustered. She hadn't expected her comment to backfire so much. She hadn't expected it to backfire at all, in fact. "I mean..." But she didn't know how to finish that sentence. Having someone tell her this, especially Kaji, had a tremendous effect on her. Indeed, she liked the boy, she trusted him far more than most, she had told him things that almost nobody else knew. She had shared her doubts with him. She had showed him so much in the last days. It scared her. She felt like she was losing herself, that she was losing what characterized her. Yet she couldn't help but feel excited at the prospect as well. She was realizing more and more that she wasn't alone anymore.

Kaji let the silence linger some time before continuing. "Did you tell him ?"

"You know this isn't me... Besides, he knows." She said, staring at the watermelons before her.

Kaji nodded. "Maybe he does. But there are some things that should be said." He trailed off, obviously, it was an advice that stemmed from his own experience. She didn't answer. "You've grown a lot in the last months. It takes a lot of strength to live by oneself, but it takes even more courage to allow others close to you, especially for you." He was about to continue when his phone rang. "Yes ? Hello ?" He paused to listen to his interlocutor. "It's Katsuragi. The sync test will be starting soon."

Asuka took a few steps towards Central Dogma before she stopped. "Thanks, Kaji."

.

.

The next day, Shinji was barely able to contain his impatience. Asuka had been in a good mood since she had reclaimed her position of highest sync ratio holder. She had bragged about it on their way home, during dinner, before sleep and on their way to school in the morning. As a consequence, he was expecting impatiently. Surely, lunch wouldn't go as bad as it had the day before, one might have said that it couldn't. If Asuka was in a good mood, maybe things would be less awkward. When the bell rang, he was about to go to his friends when the school PA system stopped him.

_Attention student Toji Suzuhara. Toji Suzuhara, report to the Principal's office._

"What the..." Toji wasn't able to finish his sentence as Kensuke cut him.

"What did you do ?" Kensuke asked. His tone was enough to convey the "again" he left out of the question.

"I don't know." He answered, genuinely unaware as to why he was to go see the Principal. He didn't show it, but he was scared. Scared that it was to tell him bad news about his sister. She was recovering well enough, but it didn't prevent him from being concerned. She was still far from having fully recovered. His fears were mostly unfounded, since she just had some broken bones and some reeducation to undergo, but he couldn't help it. He loved his sister too much not to worry about her.

He thus left the classroom without even looking at anyone else. Shinji's shoulders sagged, today wouldn't be the day when he would see his friends start to get along with Asuka. He was all the more surprised when she tapped on his shoulder.

"So, you guys are coming with us or what ?" She asked, although her tone was neither interrogative, nor amicable.

He looked at her quizzically. "Erm, why ?"

"Because we have to, idiot. You really think I would spend even more time with you if I had a choice ?"

She had to remind him, but finally Shinji got it, they had to keep the act so they wouldn't blow their cover. At that moment, he had really wanted to slap himself. "S-sorry... Kensuke ?" His friend understood and came, albeit reluctantly.

Everyone was surprised at the end of the lunch period. It hadn't been unpleasant, far from it. They had all managed to at least tolerate each other, even if some uneasiness remained. They chatted together about mostly uninteresting things, but it was a major improvement over the previous time. Some insults had been exchanged, of course, but it hadn't soured the mood too much. They had speculated on why Toji had to go see the Principal, talked about how boring their teacher was, about homeworks. Kensuke had talked about his trip to New Yokosuka with Shinji while the girls had talked about themselves as they weren't interested by old warships. All the while, Shinji kept mostly quiet, secretly enjoying every second of this, they all enjoyed it, but Shinji made sure to make the most of it. He had been surprised to receive a message from Kensuke shortly after the class resumed.

Kensuke A. : _I really didn't expect the Demon to be able to talk and not scream !_

Shinji didn't answer, but he smiled. He assumed it was Kensuke's way of saying that he had enjoyed it too. Maybe there was hope !

Toji came back later and didn't speak a word to anyone. He didn't share Shinji's sentiment. He didn't answer any question, nor did he seem to even hear them. He was too deep in his thoughts. Kensuke tried to press him further to no avail, so he left him moping alone. His impromptu meeting in the Principal's office left him troubled.

'Fourth Child.' He hated his new title. He had accepted because he had managed to have his sister transferred to NERV's hospital, so she would get better treatments, but it left a bitter taste in his mouth. 'Unit 03's pilot.' He had seen how painful it had been for Shinji when he fought, he had understood why he hated piloting. 'Activation test in two days.' He still hated the Evas himself for what happened to his sister, he had forgiven Shinji, but not NERV.

He still was on duty so he stayed in school longer than everyone, thinking about every implications of being an Eva Pilot. The more he thought about it, the more he thought he had made a mistake. He grabbed a late lunch before he finished his chores. Hikari saw him when she made a last round through the school corridors. She stopped to look at him, not knowing what to say or do. Telling him about duty didn't seem like a good idea.

"Suzuhara ! Are you okay ?" It was the only thing she could think of to break the ice.

"I'm fine. I'll finish my duty after my lunch, don't worry." He said in a flat tone.

Hikari guessed from his body language that he wasn't, but didn't insist. She nodded and left him alone.

After having finished his chores, he went to the basketball court. He stayed there a long time, facing the hoop, still deep in thought. 'I shouldn't have accepted. I should have told that doctor to go to hell !' Yet he couldn't bring himself to run away from it. It was too late of course, and he started to believe that he did belong inside an Evangelion. Now, he would have the power to change things, he would be able to protect his family, his friends, Tokyo-3 and the world. He didn't have to like that, he just had to do it. He threw the ball into the hoop as his resolve hardened. It had taken him excruciatingly long hours to come to this conclusion.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the Pacific Ocean, a gigantic airplane took off, carrying as its cargo the black behemoth which was to become the most defining part of his life.

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A/N : Hey !

I finally found a precise timeline ! Not that I had looked thoroughly before but hey, I'm not going to make as much mistakes on that front from now on ! Also, I made some ellipses I didn't mention, mainly because I didn't know I made them when I wrote the previous chapters !

Anyway, thanks for reading ! If you have advices, suggestions or anything, don't hesitate !

Bye !


	8. Little trip to heaven

She held his hand. It was a simple gesture, but it meant the world for the both of them. Especially since it was outside of the safety of Misato's apartment ! Well, it was in the elevator on their way home, but still.

Sure, they had already done more, but this was different. Ever since her conversation with Kaji, Asuka's curiosity had reached impossible heights. It had taken her some time but finally the need to verify some theories had been too much. And yes. Holding his hand, this simple action, made her feel better. It soothed her. She had already come to terms with the fact that she liked him, yet she still felt the need to prove it to herself. She didn't know if she refused to believe it, or if she just couldn't.

Shinji, for his part, was elated. Everything in his life right now was going so well ! Asuka was getting along well enough with at least one of his friends, he had people who cared about him, and now this. Feeling Asuka's fingers intertwined with his was almost enough to make his mind go blank. He had the feeling that this was going to be a great night.

The elevator ride had been far too short according to them both, and as soon as it disappeared, they missed the sensation of the other's fingers. Two troubled teenagers thus entered the apartment in silence. The girl went straight to her room while the boy stopped in the kitchen. A few seconds later Asuka came back to the kitchen with a bundle of clothes in her arms and just announced. "I'm going to take a shower."

"Just a shower ?" Shinji asked and immediately regretted it. He needed time to prepare everything for Asuka, but he couldn't have been less subtle about it. "... I-I mean... Dinner won't be ready for a while... If you want, you can take your time." He justified himself. Or at least tried to. He knew that Asuka always took her time in the bathroom, but tonight he needed all the time he could get.

Asuka bought it. Though she also understood that her roommate had something on his mind. " What is it, Third Child ?"

"N-Nothing !" He answered much too quickly, and his stuttering didn't help either. "It's just that I'm trying something I haven't done before tonight. So I might take some time to get it right." This was true enough.

"Come on. Spit it out." She demanded menacingly.

Defeated, Shinji's head dropped, his shoulders slumped. "I wanted to surprise you... Sorry."

Asuka couldn't hide her surprise upon hearing that 'He wants to do something for me ? But why ? And Gott why did I have to ruin everything ? Well played, Soryu.' She didn't even react on his unjustified apology.

"I'm going to take a bath." She just replied, hoping this would be enough. "Just... Let me know when you're ready."

Shinji raised his head just in time to see her disappear towards the bathroom. He sighed in relief and smiled to himself.

.

.

Almost two hours later. Shinji had done everything he had to do. If only Asuka hadn't been as inquisitive, the surprise would have been perfect. Two hours was the bare minimum for her when she felt like taking a bath. He never really knew what she was doing in there for that long, he never understood what was so appealing in soaking in one's own bad memories.

Pen Pen had been very happy to get his whole fridge back. And Shinji was relieved not to have to suffer the penguin's passive-aggressive behavior anymore. Shinji could have sworn that every time he wanted to walk somewhere in the apartment, there was something for him to step on or to make him stumble. His toothbrush and other personal belongings also disappeared and reappeared in incongruous places. Shinji thought that it was a bit over the top, but endured it nonetheless.

He had called Misato, almost too late, but she had dismissed his worries with encouragements and just a little bit of teasing which had made him squirm.

The table was set, the food was in the fridge, the sausages wouldn't take long to cook. "You can come out, Asuka." She stormed out of the bathroom and into the dining room before he had finished his sentence, wearing an over-sized shirt and a pair of cotton shorts. "How long have you been waiting ?" Shinji asked, not even trying to hide his surprise.

"So, what is it ?" She ignored him. She knew she should have waited a little longer but she just couldn't. So she concealed her embarrassment by looking for anything that was out of the ordinary. The table was set nicely, but there was no plates. She kept looking around her when she noticed something very peculiar. "Where is the TV ?"

"I-I moved it into my room. I r-rented a movie." Having to rush through everything in order to be as fast as possible not to keep her "locked up" in the bathroom for too long had occupied his mind, but his nervousness came back to him as soon as she had entered the room.

"And it took you that long ?" She asked sneeringly. "You really should put some muscles on that body of yours."

"I cooked too." He answered coldly, a bit hurt.

"I was kidding Shinji ! What do we eat ?"

It took him a few seconds to regain his composure. 'Shinji ? Did I hear that right ? She called me by my name, without insults or anything ?' He couldn't believe it, it had already happened, but so rarely that it always had the same effect on him. "W-we should watch the movie first..."

"I know. It doesn't matter. I'm hungry !" She said, smiling.

It took him a few minutes finish his preparations. Asuka was sitting at the kitchen table, intently watching him while getting her nostrils filled with the delicious smell of cooked sausages. Shinji then put two plates on the tables.

"Kartoffelsalat ? I hope it wasn't too difficult." She said sarcastically. Too sarcastically, in fact. "I really appreciate it. It looks very good, thanks." She added with a smile, reaching to Shinji's hand with her own.

Shinji blushed. "You wouldn't believe how difficult it is to find proper ingredients for western food here." This lightened the mood, Asuka's comment was already forgotten and they ate in silence. Shinji remembered that had they watched the movie first, they would have had something to talk about, but this wasn't uncomfortable, quite the contrary. They both were enjoying just being together, and even if it tasted a bit strange to him, he liked the food nonetheless. Asuka was too, she was savoring each and every bite she took, for once, not shoveling it in her mouth as fast as possible. "Y-You didn't put your hair clips back, I l-like when you let your hair down." Shinji said shyly.

Asuka blushed as well and decided to change the subject after a few seconds of relatively awkward silence. "Gott I didn't know I'd miss proper food that much. That really was a nice surprise Third Child !" She was feeling a bit homesick however. Not that she considered that she had a proper "home". She didn't consider the house she lived in with her father or NERV Berlin home. But she missed her country. She had spent the first thirteen years of her life there, Germany was her home. A home where she didn't stand out as much in a crowd, a home which had shaped her into the young woman she was. She was starting to feel a bit melancholic, so she put those feelings aside for now. "Some sake would go along nicely with this !"

"But Asuka..." She cut him.

"I know I know, we're too young to drink alcohol. Gott, you're no fun !" She said playfully.

"Do you want dessert ?" Shinji asked when they had both finished their plate.

Asuka had stuffed herself with the main course, since she hadn't been expecting more. She was about to politely decline when Shinji took said dessert out of the fridge. "Black forest cake ?! Don't tell me you made it yourself !"

"I did." Shinji simply stated, blushing, again, understanding from her reaction he had made a good choice.

"What are you, stupid ? Of course I want some ! You could have told me before !" Shinji cut two slices and put them on the table. As soon as Asuka's plate touched the table, she pounced on the dessert as if she had been starving for weeks. "That's so good ! One of the best I've ever eaten !" She said with her mouth full, not caring anymore about good manners. If she were being honest, she wouldn't have said that. It was his first time baking it, after all. But the intention, the care behind it, and the fact tat she hadn't eaten Black Forest cake since before she left Germany largely compensated for his lack of practice. "You do realize that from now on, you're going to have to make me more anytime I'll ask, right ?" She sighed in contentment as she finished her plate, rubbing her stomach contently with her right hand. "Let's go to your room !" Shinji blushed upon hearing that. "To watch the movie, pervert." She paused and smirked. "I ate way too much to do anything else." She added teasingly. 'And I spend way too much time with Misato !' She added mentally.

Shinji fell off his chair and quickly stood up, trying -and failing miserably- to look as if nothing happened. They both went to his room. He had installed the TV across from his bed and had brought every pillows and blankets he felt comfortable taking so that they would have a cozy place to watch the movie in.

It was nothing much, but Asuka was really pleasantly surprised. "Why your room ?" She asked.

"It doesn't have windows. So nobody will be able to-to s-spy on us." When he realized what he had said, he blushed even more. He tried to cover himself by adding. "It's the only place we're sure Section 2 will not watch."

He didn't see how much Asuka blushed as well. She said nothing as she flopped on the small bed. She gestured him to come next to her, then showed her appreciation and thankfulness by snuggling as close to him as possible, wrapping him in her arms. "Thank you, Shinji." She murmured before kissing him passionately. "This night is getting better by the minute." She said giddily. Shinji couldn't answer and just pressed play on the remote. The movie started with Henry Purcell's music and a black screen, then the images shown train tracks filmed from above, then a typical pre-Second Impact western Europe landscape from a train window...

.

.

"You know, I wasn't really sold on a romantic movie, but this one was really good." Asuka whispered to break the silence. They had been holding each other on Shinji's bed for the entire film, snuggling against each other to be as comfortable as possible, but none of them spoke a single word before the ending credits started to roll. It was a simple story, a boy meets a girl in a train and decide to stay together in Vienna for the night. Talking and learning about each other in the process.

"It was nice seeing Europe. Does it still look like this ?"

"Austria isn't Germany, but it looks similar enough. It's not completely like this though. Second Impact messed things up pretty bad in Germany too." She paused. Again, getting brought back to her youth in Europe. It's not that she disliked Japan. In fact, the more she lived there, the more she liked it, for several reasons. But still, she was a stranger, a _gaijin_, in this country. It had been disturbing enough when she started dreaming -or having nightmares- in Japanese instead of German. She felt like she was losing her roots. Again, she mentally blocked those thoughts for the time being. Shinji had not wanted to make her wistful with this. He wanted to make her happy, and thus, there was something that she wanted to return the favor. "You know... They kind of reminded me of us..." She was looking at a dark corner of Shinji's room. "They started talking and fell..." She quickly corrected herself. "And got closer..." Then trailed off. "But it has only been one sided. For us I mean... When I talked to Kaji yesterday, he told me one thing..." Shinji was unsettled as seeing Asuka like this. She wasn't her usual self. She sounded scared, almost timid. "I guess what I want to say is..." She paused, gathering her courage. She paused for a long time. The silence was getting heavier in the room but he didn't want to interrupt her. Whatever she wanted to say, she would say when she would have decided. He wasn't about to try and force her to say anything. He just held her a bit tighter.

The silence was broken by something. It took Shinji several seconds to realize that it was his phone. He was startled, already thinking that it was to tell him there was an Angel attack. Asuka showed some signs of frustration but she let him pick up it up. She stayed close to him to listen though.

"Hello ?" Shinji asked nervously.

"Shin-man. I'm outside. Open, I have something important to tell you."

As soon as Shinji hung up the phone, Asuka exploded. "Gott I'm going to kill that Stooge !" She yelled as she bolted towards the front door.

"Asuka wait, if you open the door he'll suspect something !" Shinji pleaded, but Asuka's rage made it impossible for her to listen to reason.

"What the Hell are you doing here ?!" She screamed as soon as the front door opened.

If Toji had been surprised at seeing Asuka opening the door instead of Shinji, he didn't show it."Not now. Please, Asuka."

He had never called her by her name before, so she understood that this was something important. Her anger receded a little as a consequence. "Okay. But you're going to pay for this."

"Stay with us. You have to know too." Toji said before sitting at the kitchen table, seemingly not noticing the incriminating evidence all over it. When the three Children were seated, he sighed heavily before speaking. "I'm the Fourth Child."

.

.

The night didn't offer much rest for Shinji and Asuka. Toji didn't stay long after his announcement. It would have been useless. If he had come there for comfort, it wasn't being provided by the other two Children. The three of them had stayed silent for some time, Shinji in utter shock, Asuka between disbelief and anger, Toji was expecting something, anything, that never came, which eventually prompted his decision to leave.

Consequently, the next day was just as bad. None of the Children were in the mood for small talk, Toji wasn't even in class this day, so all of the members of their little group ate alone. '

'Why did _he _have to be the Fourth Child ? It doesn't make sense !' Asuka was furious. 'This Stooge will be more of a liability on the battlefield than anything else ! We'll have to hold his hand and make sure he doesn't get hurt rather than focusing on the Angels !.. It's not his hand I'd like to hold ! Aaargh ! And he couldn't have come at a worst moment too !' Her frustration had reached peak intensity since her aborted attempt at talking to Shinji. 'Everything seemed so easy in that movie, so natural, why can't I tell him what I need to tell him like that ? I'm really trying, Shinji... I just can't !' She dropped her head in frustration and disappointment, stifling a sigh with her hands.

Toji for his part was at school, just not in class. At lunch break, he moved to a roof where no one ever came in order not to be disturbed during his introspection. He was disturbed nevertheless by someone.

"Suzuhara..." Rei said to attract his attention.

"Oh, Ayanami, if you're looking for Shinji, he isn't here... You know about it, don't you ?" He paused for a second. "That's funny, you're the last one I expected to come talk to me out of the three of you..." He sounded empty, no emotions at all transpired from his voice. "It's pretty rare for you to be concerned about someone else."

"Really ? I'm not sure I understand." She replied as undemonstratively as him.

"You care about Shinji." Toji stated the obvious, even if it was more obvious for him than her.

"His well being is indeed important to me." Rei realized.

'Thanks for thinking about _my_ well being.' "Yeah. You definitely have something for him." He didn't understand how the conversation came to this point, even though he was the one who brought the subject in the first place. He was getting less and less comfortable with it. The rational part of his mind knew that Rei wouldn't offer him any help on the subject that was troubling him, but it hadn't stopped him from hoping.

She pondered the idea for some time "I don't think so. Furthermore, it would be inappropriate for me to interfere between Pilot Ikari and Pilot Soryu."

"You mean they..? That would explain why Soryu was so pissed yesterday." He trailed off.

"I am only speculating. I have no certitudes as of yet." This information would have made him blow a fuse normally. He would have questioned his friend on his betrayal until he would have confessed, but he was much to preoccupied by his own problems to pay it any heed.

Shinji left the classroom as soon as the bell rang, in silence. He isolated himself as well. He didn't want anyone to be the unfortunate victim of his anger.

'Father, why did you do this ?' He had reflected on this all night, and came to the conclusion that the person responsible for Toji being a pilot was the one who made him come to Tokyo-3 in the first place, the one who was also responsible for all his suffering. 'Why do you always do this ? Why do you do everything you can to destroy everything I care about ? Why...' His blood froze in his veins at that moment. 'He must never find out about Asuka. I can't stand the idea of something happening to her.' His fears for Toji were not forgotten, but they weren't on the forefront of his mind anymore either.

.

.

As tired as he was, Shinji still couldn't sleep. Even Asuka's presence couldn't calm him and allow him a much needed rest. He didn't blame her for sleeping though, she had always been more pragmatic than him, not to mention less attached to Toji. He had pondered for some time why she was asleep now and not the night before, but couldn't find any answer.

The more he tried to convince himself there was no use in staying awake, that it wouldn't change who was to pilot Unit 03, the more frustrated he got. With himself, mainly, but on a broader level with everything. It was unfair for Toji to be a pilot, to have to suffer like he suffered against the Angels. He managed to free himself from Asuka's embrace without waking her and went to the balcony from the door in her room, leaving it slightly ajar not to wake her up with the sound it could make. Maybe some fresh air would relax him, maybe.

"Kaji-San ? You're not asleep ?" He was surprised to see him on the balcony as well, a cigarette in his mouth.

"No, not yet." Kaji whispered back without turning his head from the horizon.

Shinji decided it was a good opportunity to learn some things. "What's my father like ?"

"Well, there's a surprise question." Kaji retorted with his usual grin forming on his lips. "I thought you'd ask about Asuka. Or even Katsuragi."

"It seems like you're always with my father." Kaji was trying to dodge the question, but Shinji needed answers. He blamed his father for what was happening, and he needed to understand why is father was acting like he was.

"Commander Fuyutsuki is the one who's always with him. Have you been asking around about your father ?" He took one last drag before flipping his cigarette over the railing.

"I haven't been around him much." He tried to keep his frustration to himself.

"So, you don't really know him ?" Kaji asked, trying to find a new angle to divert the conversation from this subject. 'The boy doesn't need to know how much of an asshole his father is.'

"I thought I had learned about him lately. About his work, about my mother... But I just don't know anymore." This time he failed.

"People really don't understand themselves Shinji. So they can't understand each other. Understanding 100% of anything is impossible. That's why we spend so much time trying to understand our own motivations and those of others. That's what makes life so interesting." 'And boy, let me tell you, you won't get bored if you try to understand your father !' He joked to himself, his smile getting a little wider.

"Does that mean you don't understand Misato-San either ?" Shinji asked, deadpan, wiping Kaji's grin out of his face.

He took a second before answering. "The kanji we use for the word "she" literally means "woman far away". Women will always be on the distant shore of a great gulf of misunderstanding. The current dividing men and women is deeper than the ocean." Kaji said with philosophy. He had come to terms with this theory already, and he felt it was a thing that Shinji needed to know.

Shinji kept silent for some time, thinking about what he just heard. "Then I'll do everything to reach Asuka on the other side. Or I'll spend my life trying !" He knew Asuka hadn't told him everything about her, and that he didn't understand everything that made her who she was, but he also knew that he genuinely thought every single word he just said.

"You really mean it, don't you ?" Kaji knew this was a rhetorical question, which was promptly confirmed by Shinji nodding his head, a determined frown set on his face. "You guys just might be able to do it, you know. You both are more similar than you think."

"She's the strongest person I know. I'm scared that one day she'll wake up and realize how much better she would be if I wasn't in her life !" Shinji said honestly. "I'm not anything like her ! I'm weak, I'm pathetic, I'm worthless !" Shinji raised his voice. He wasn't whispering anymore, in fact, he was almost screaming when he finished his sentence. He was about to continue when Kaji interrupted him.

"You're not !" Kaji's didn't raise his voice, but spoke with much more passion and authority now. "Just think back to what you've accomplished since you arrived in Tokyo-3. You climbed into the Eva and protected us every time we needed you to. With barely any hesitation ! You stood in harm's way to protect everyone around you ! You found someone who needs you, even if she might never admit it, to you or anyone else." He turned his gaze to look Shinji in the eyes. "You are braver than you think, Shinji. And you should endeavor to prove it to her." He paused briefly for emphasis. "And more importantly to yourself."

Shinji wasn't expecting such an outburst, or so much praising. It made him feel better, even if he still had trouble believing it. "I... I will. For her. She's well worth the effort." He paused. "Thank you, Kaji-San." The long-haired man's little speech shook him. Maybe people had a better opinion of him than he thought.

'You're right, she is... And I know someone else who is...' He thought, this little conversation was almost enough to make him rethink the importance of his quest for the truth. "Goodnight, Shinji."

Silently, Shinji went back to bed. Asuka had her back turned to him, so he couldn't see the stray tear which escaped her eye as she closed them. 'I'm not, baka Shinji. I really am not.'

.

.

The next day, the sun was scorching in Matsushiro. But the Fourth Child, Toji Suzuhara, designated pilot of Evangelion Unit 03 didn't have trouble breathing because of the stifling heat. It was because it was the second time in his life that he had to breathe a liquid, and the first time that he had time to think about how much LCL smelled like blood.

The first time, he had been too scared to even register what was happening, then too stunned at seeing his friend fight for his life inside the Evangelion.

For their lives.

He had been asked to get into his entry-plug while they finished preparations for the test. 'First they make me sit through a boring briefing for hours _too damn_ _early_ in the morning ! And why ? I just need to sit still and focus on my "link" with the Eva. It could have taken three seconds ! Then they make me wait, doing nothing for the better part of the day and now I'm waiting, again, bored out of my mind, again, in this entry-plug, while those nerds finish their calculations on whatever... Well, at least my plugsuit looks cool.' He was about to settle in more comfortably to take a nap when a voice shattered his hopes of dozing off.

"Pilot Suzuhara, we're initiating the activation test. Get ready." It was the voice of Dr Akagi, he thought as he grabbed the butterfly handles, closing his eyes and breathing the foul-smelling liquid deeply.

His heart accelerated, and he was pretty sure he was sweating, but he couldn't be sure since it would instantly dissolve into the LCL. 'Here goes nothing.' He grimly thought as the techs spoke over the comm which he wasn't paying attention to, too focused on this particular moment. The tension he hadn't felt throughout the day hitting him full force right now. He wasn't a Pilot before. He still wasn't a Pilot. But he was going to be. Any second now. He thought about Shinji, and regretted again that he punched him as his heart threatened to break through his ribcage. He thought about his sister, who was getting better treatments now that she had been transferred. Thanks to this. He would be able to protect her from now on.

The entry-plug's walls turned from black to the kaleidoscope of colors and patterns which signified the Eva's activation before settling on a view of the outside world. An Eva cage, steel and concrete everywhere, ensnaring the giant war machine. Toji didn't have time to admire the "view", however, as his world turned white just a second later.

It was at this moment that the Matsushiro Secondary Experiment Facility disappeared in a gigantic explosion.

.

.

A/N : Another one down ! I had this chapter mostly typed for the longest time, but I got stuck towards the end and I just couldn't manage to find what to write, so I procrastinated for a long time before forcing myself to go back and finish it ! I really didn't expect Shinji of all characters to be the hardest to develop for me ! Also, I adopted a second cat, not really interesting, I know, but I can use him as an excuse, he doesn't like when I type because it wakes him up !

On an other note, I think I finally found my ending. Took me long enough ! I'm still not sure though and sometimes, I wish there would be someone I could bounce ideas at to see if they are good or just plain stupid !

I'm still looking for a good image for my cover. I'm pretty sure this one is good enough, but maybe the grass is greener somewhere else !

To conclude, I have to say that I'm sorry. I really wanted to have the fight against Bardiel in this chapter, but I kinda got carried away. The vast majority of this fic is planned, but I'm still unable to precisely know what my chapters will contain.

Anyway, thanks again to everyone who reads this. It really means a lot. If you have something to say, don't hesitate to review !

Bye !


	9. Sins of my father

The setting sun was bathing everything in an orange hue. Eva Unit 01 was slouched next to a small mountain in order to preserve its power. Having deployed the Evas this far of Tokyo-3 meant that the city would most likely be safe, but it caused logistics problems when it came to powering the humanoid weapons. Numerous rows of huge generators were installed next to power lines to provide the necessary electricity. Unit 01 was facing west, giving Shinji a beautiful view of the sunset over the mountain range. However, he wasn't interested in sightseeing at the moment.

"An accident in Matsushiro ?! No way ! What happened to Misato and Toji ?" He exclaimed with worry.

"Contact hasn't been restored yet." Rei replied only through her radio, which puzzled Shinji a little.

"But then, what will we do ?" He was clearly scared. Every time he went to battle, Misato had always been there to guide him. Even if he had disobeyed her orders at times, he always trusted her to have his best interest in mind during those encounters. The only exception was against the ninth Angel, Matarael, but even then, Asuka had told him what to do. She was too far away from him today to be able to come up with a plan that would help them defeat this new Angel.

"Stop whining !" Asuka scolded him as she opened a direct video channel between them both. "There's nothing else we can do now !"

"But how can we fight Angels by ourselves ?" She shot him a look of a mix between disbelief and annoyance. There were three of them against only one, and among them was a trained soldier, a genius who had learned about combat strategies. She discussed with herself whether she should answer or just ignore him when Rei took the decision for her.

"Commander Ikari will take command now." Rei's face appeared next to Asuka's, in her own video feed. Had he thought about it, he would have found it strange that the camera from Unit 00 would be behind the pilot, but what he just learned was far more important.

"My father will..." He trailed off, on the one hand reassured to have someone in command of this operation, and on the other, upset that this someone happened to be his father.

.

.

Shinji had waited for what seemed like hours for something to happen, but the reality was that it was closer to only one if the position of the sun was to be any indication. His introspection and moping were interrupted when Shigeru spoke. "Target is approaching."

"All units prepare for ground combat." Makoto chimed in through the pilots' radios as well.

Shinji raised his head and squinted his eyes in a vain attempt to shield them from the light of the setting sun. A black silhouette was approaching slowly just between Unit 01 and the sun. Activating his Eva's built in zoom, he managed to identify the black shape better. "No way ! An Angel ? Is this an Angel ?" He asked.

"Is this my birthday ?" Asuka exclaimed ecstatically, unaware that she had just interrupted NERV's Supreme Commander. "I get to beat up Jock Stooge today ?"

"Correct, this is the target." replied said Supreme Commander.

"But this is an Eva ! Toji's piloting it !"

"That's all the more reason !" Asuka said as she willed her Eva to stand. "Unit 02, engaging !"

"Asuka ! You can't !"

"Watch me !" She answered cheerily, raising her rocket launcher. "Fire !" A gigantic rocket shot out of her weapon, then another, and another. They flew rapidly towards their target before exploding against the familiar octagonal orange shield. "It's an Eva, idiot ! And an Angel ! It has an AT-field, don't worry about him !" She kept on firing her rocket launcher with a smile on her face. It quickly vanished however when her target jumped at an impossible height. Her combat training allowed her not to be too disoriented when the targeting system of her Eva made it move on its own accord, following the enemy while still shooting rockets until the magazine was empty. She had raised her AT-field as she had kept unloading her weapon at Unit 03. It didn't help, however, when the black behemoth pierced through the smoke, and her AT-field, and landed directly on her with an ear-piercing noise which Shinji heard through the comm window before it turned to static. He still heard Asuka scream from the top of her lungs over the sound of metal crashing against metal, of what sounded like giant fists bludgeoning something metallic before the communication became completely silent.

He had watched the scene from afar, he mainly saw explosions moving very slowly towards him, then in the air, like inverted fireworks. Black explosions which stood out against the red sun. He could see Unit 03 fall from the sky and saw that the last shots managed to make it deviate slightly from its trajectory.

"Asuka !" Shinji shouted at the comm window, but he received no answer. "Unit 01, moving to engage !" He shouted with determination and urgency.

"No." This lone word was enough to freeze his blood in his veins and his Eva at the same time. "You shall remain at your current location. You are the last line of defense in case Rei fails."

Shinji wanted to disagree. Every muscle in his body screamed for him to run and go help Asuka. His father's voice carried far too much authority over him. He reluctantly went back to his initial position. 'What are you doing ?' He asked his father in his mind only. Now was not the time for a father and son discussion. He heard one of the techs saying that Asuka was alive in her entry-plug. It would have to be enough for the time being.

A little further away, Rei was waiting behind a mountain which provided her cover and concealment from the Angel. She could hear its steps as it came closer.

"Rei, avoid close range combat and stop the target. I'm sending Unit 01 in now." Commander Ikari said. It was a lie of course, but it wasn't important. Rei wouldn't doubt his words, she would do what she was meant to do. What she was born for.

"Roger." Rei simply answered, trying to focus on the battle. She was struggling, however. One of her fellow pilot was down. A second was imprisoned inside an Angel, maybe he was conscious. Forced to watch as his Eva was attacking the people he knew. The third pilot was upset because of what was happening. It was the main reason why she couldn't fully concentrate on the task at hand. She knew that Shinji was attached to the other two pilots, and that them being hurt was hurting him as well. She also knew that he wouldn't be able to destroy this Angel if it meant injuring his friend in the process. Or worse. She had to do something. She had to help him. She had to be the one to destroy this Angel so that Shinji wouldn't have to. Maybe he would hate her for that, but it was according to her the best alternative.

The Eva walked on her left side, a few dozen meters away, seemingly unaware of her presence and continued on its way. It looked like an animal. It walked without coordination. Its arms hanging on its sides, not moving with the steps it took. Its mouth was opened and shown red teeth. Its eyes looked like Unit 01's, the same menacing shape and white light. It took a few more steps before abruptly stopping and convulsing on its legs as if the pilot was fighting inside to regain control over it. It hunched forward before jumping again and landing on Unit 00, pinning it face first to the ground, its right arm squeezing its neck.

The impact made Rei dizzy for a second before the pain in her cheek made her come to her sense. The first thing she realized was that she couldn't move. The whole weight of Unit 03 was enough to prevent her Eva from any useful movement. 'I can't let him face this by himself.' Rei thought as she started wriggling under her enemy. Her Eva's right arm tried to grab onto something to help her pry herself free. The Angel let go of Unit 00's neck, only to punch the back of its head with uncanny violence in order to keep its enemy in place. Rei didn't feel the impacts as much as if she had received them directly, but it had been enough to make her head spin. Her fading consciousness made each blow a little bit less painful than the one preceding it. Her vision was getting darker and darker, the pain was becoming fainter and fainter. When the black Eva was satisfied with Unit 00's lack of movement, it released a pinkish ooze from its left arm, which poured in heavy drops on Unit 00's arm. Rei barely registered the pain in her numbness and didn't try to fight back. She could only faintly ear what sounded like the Commander's voice giving an order through her ringing ears before she jumped and screamed when an exploding pain ran through her left arm before her Eva was remotely deactivated. She grabbed her left shoulder with her right hand and reluctantly turned her head with greeted teeth, expecting to see her arm severed from her body as it had been the case for her Eva.

The Angel was now back up, looking down on its fallen prey for a few seconds before resuming its journey towards its mission.

Shinji heard everything through the comm system in awe, refusing to believe what was happening.

"Unit 00 is severely damaged. The pilot is wounded." Maya had just said.

"No way..."

"The target is approaching you. It will contact you in T-minus 20. You must destroy it." His father said as stoically as always.

"But this target is... Toji's in there, isn't he ?" Shinji stated coolly. "Another friend of mine." He had his pallet rifle raised and pointing at the rogue Eva, but the conflict in his mind at the moment stopped him from pulling the trigger. Unit 03 roared devilishly before jumping at Unit 01 feet first, shattering the latter's weapon in the process. Unit 01 landed on its back as the 13th Angel landed on all fours, which made it possible for Shinji to see the Entry-plug protruding from the former Eva's back. "An Entry-plug. Toji's in there, just as I thought." He said as he made his Eva stand up. Unit 03 launched its right arm which extended impossibly until it took a hold of Unit 01's neck, then the left arm, strangling Shinji in the process. It pinned down its enemy against a hill, its hands firmly grasping the other's neck and squeezing. Shinji was struggling to get air into his lungs, refusing to pass out, yet not doing anything to remove the appendages obstructing his throat.

"Shinji, why don't you fight ?" His father's brought him back to reality and helped him focus on something else than his current lack of oxygen.

"Toji's in there, Father !" he answered with ragged breath.

"Irrelevant ! It is an Angel ! Our enemy !" Gendo growled, losing his calm against his disobedient son.

"But... But I can't !" He was getting desperate, facing this Cornelian choice. "I must help him ! I can't kill !"

"If you don't, you will die."

"I'd rather die !" He said, his choice made. "Two of my friends have already been hurt. I won't be responsible for another one !"

"Cut all synchronization between the pilot and Unit 01. Do it now." Was the only answer his father gave.

"Cut it ?" Maya interjected disbelievingly.

"Correct. Switch the control circuit to the dummy plug."

"But the dummy plug still isn't functioning properly." Maya tried, and failed, to reason. "Without Dr Akagi's approval..."

"It's still better than the pilot. Do It !"

"Yes, Sir." Maya caved in.

Shinji had heard all of the exchange through the comm link, but couldn't pay it very much attention. He was trying his best to keep breathing until the inside of his entry-plug turned black and he finally was able to breathe unhindered. The view from the outside world came back quickly though, with a red hue when the dummy system activated. "What is it ?.. What in the hell are you doing, Father ?!" He shouted, not wanting to believe what he was imagining. The only answer he got was his Eva's hands moving on their own, getting higher and higher until finally they reached Unit 03's neck and tightened. Unit 01 barely struggled before overpowering its foe, gaining the upper ground and applying more and more force on its hold until finally, the Angel's neck gave in and broke under the pressure, its limbs going limp while it let out a final growl of agony.

The purple Eva wasn't finished however. It threw its now silent enemy on the ground and punched its head with such incredible strength that it exploded in a fountain of blood and bones, splattering everything around it. It then grabbed onto its breastplate and tore it, throwing it away before keeping its assault.

"Stop this !" Shinji screamed over the comm as its Eva was keeping on pummeling the lifeless Eva Unit 03. "Father, no ! Stop doing this now !" He was shaking the butterfly handles frantically in a vain hope to regain control of his behemoth.

He watched powerlessly as his friend was getting destroyed with his own hands until something hit his Eva from the side and sent it crashing several meters away from the bloodbath. When he regained enough of his senses, he saw through the cockpit the silhouette of Unit 02 standing before it "What are you doing idiot ? It's dead !"

Asuka was indeed alive. She had been knocked out by Unit 03 but came to with the noises of destruction made by Unit 01. Her Eva was standing victoriously before it as it struggled to stand up. "Asuka ! Go away ! I'm not controlling anything !" Shinji just had time to say before his Eva threw a vicious punch in Unit 02's midsection. It was enough to make the red Eva flinch, but it didn't go down. On the contrary, it used its new position to lunge at Unit 01 head first, tackling it to the ground. Asuka didn't stop there. She stood back up and tried to reach the umbilical cable. She managed to grab it, but Unit 01 used Asuka's lack of focus to its advantage, elbowing Unit 02 on the back of the head then punching it violently in the ribs several times. Asuka shouted in pain at each blow while Shinji was still maniacally shaking the butterfly handles. It then seized it by the torso before lifting it face down, then threw it with inhuman strength as far as it could. Asuka cursed in German before crashing against the mountainside. She had always hated falling in her Eva, not only because falling is seldom an enjoyable experience, but also because her inner ear and brain never managed to understand what was happening. She always felt dizzy and a little sick when it happened. As if it weren't already enough, her spine felt like it broke at the impact. Seeing Unit 02 not standing back up, Unit 01 returned to its original target.

It turned it over and grabbed the Entry-plug with its right hand and started squeezing it. The massive purple hand was shaking with the effort. "Damn ! Stop ! Stop it ! Stop it ! Stop it ! Stop it ! Stop it !" Shinji begged as the metal of the Entry-plug was starting to bend under the pressure.

"Arschloch !" Asuka shouted as Unit 02 stabbed Shinji's Eva's forearm with its Progressive Knife and twisted the vibrating blade inside the wound, making it release the cylinder which fell on the ground in a loud ringing noise. "This stupid autopilot should make sure its target is really done before turning its back on it ! By the way, idiot, when I'll tell this story, I'll make sure to tell your friends that you were going to kill Jock Stooge ! They'll ditch your ass and I'll be the hero !" Asuka badmouthed him in order to give her courage, and also because she wanted revenge for Unit 01's last move ! She knew he wasn't responsible for what was happening and she also understood rather quickly what the dummy plug was capable of. She had to stay focused and not expose any weaknesses if she was to win this fight. She pulled out her knife from Unit 01's arm and took a defensive stance a few steps away, making the knife pivot in her Eva's hand so that the blade was facing downward and putting her left hand opened in front of her, ready for a counterattack. Which never came. The purple giant stood still, as if paralyzed. Shinji was back in the darkness, the dummy plug had been deactivated.

.

.

Two days later, Shinji woke up in a hospital bed. His injuries were not really serious, even if a case could have been made for his larynx. The doctors had decided to keep him sedated for some time in order to help his recovery. The first thing he noticed was as a consequence a familiar ceiling which he had learned to hate. He then noticed someone on the bed next to his. "Toji ?.." He silently stood up and left the room, not daring to look, out of shame and self-loathing, at his friend who was lying in this hospital bed because of him. He couldn't bare the idea of having hurt him. He thus went to the reception desk. "Uhm... Sorry... Could you please tell me in which room Asuka Langley Soryu is ?" He asked hesitantly, almost too scared to go and see for himself what he had done to her as well. What gave him the courage to ask was what he had told her that night. That he would always be there for her.

The nurse, a woman in her mid forties with black hair tied in a bun raised her gaze from her computer screen and studied him for a few seconds before answering. "Oh, mister Ikari. I'm afraid she hasn't been checked in the hospital after the fight." She looked at her watch. "She must be home then !" She said with a smile, then added awkwardly after a pause. "I've always wanted to say thank you... You know, for saving us all, battle after battle..."

She was still talking but Shinji couldn't pay attention to her. He knew he wanted to see Asuka, but that was it. He was still hazy after waking up from what must have been anesthetics induced slumber. He just nodded when he didn't hear the nurse's voice anymore.

"Can I help you with something else ?" She added warmly when she saw him still standing there.

He shook his head to clear his mind. "Are my clothes here ?"

"I'm really sorry. But we can have them brought from your locker. We have received orders from Major Katsuragi, you can leave as soon as they arrive."

"Can I use your phone then ?" Clearly he didn't care about leaving the hospital.

Realizing her mistake, she replied too enthusiastically. "Oh ! Sure ! Anything for you, mister Ikari !" She handed him the wireless phone. He walked a few feet away towards the exit before dialing the number of the apartment. He waited until he heard the beginning of the recorded message of the answering machine. He hung the phone up and gave it back to the nurse. "Is Rei Ayanami here ?"

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"Disobeying orders, personal occupation of an Eva, attack on one of your fellow Pilots, partial destruction of an Eva... These are all criminal offenses. Do you have anything to say ?"

Asuka had spent the last two days in a cell in the depths of NERV. They at least had the decency to bring her fresh clothes. So she was there, in the Commander's gigantic office, clad in her school uniform and her wrists restrained with triple cuffs. Her hair was a mess, she had not been allowed to take a shower so they were sticky because of the dried LCL. She had taken down her hair clips and rearranged it in a ponytail to make it look at least presentable enough. Her lower ribcage was bandaged under her uniform. It was uncomfortable for her to breathe, and the lingering pain didn't help either. She was frowning, and was probably just about to explode. "My actions were necessary. I saved a Pilot and his Eva. I don't think Pilot Ikari has been injured because of what I did." She hadn't heard him scream when she stabbed his Eva. "I think this small cut is not important compared to having another Unit at our disposal."

"Not important ?" Gendo was really displeased upon hearing that the Second Child's lack of regret. Of course, she could not know that she had injured his precious Yui, but he couldn't accept that. "Effective immediately, you are relieved of duty. You are not the Second Child anymore." He didn't raise his voice nor show any emotion, but he wanted to make her suffer as much as possible for what she had done. So he took his time explaining his decision. "We will arrange for you to be sent back to Germany."

"You can't do that ! I am the Second Child ! I'm Asuka Langley Soryu ! Designated Pilot of Eva Unit 02 ! You need me !" She screamed in rage and denial.

"As you said, _Miss_ Soryu. You have saved an Eva and its Pilot. And since we have only needed three Evangelions to repel the Angels so far, your service will no longer be needed." He said, a slight smirk on his lips, hidden behind his hands. "Dismissed."

'They don't need me.' She was stunned, the impact of what had just happened too much for her. She had lost everything. She had been training her whole life for this single purpose and now it was taken from her. What was she to do now ? She did not even react when two Section 2 agents grabbed her by the arms and dragged her out of the office.

"Are you really sure this was what had to be done ?" Fuyutsuki asked once they were alone.

"Positive. She attacked Yui intentionally."

"According to the Dead Sea Scrolls, the next Angel will be the most powerful."

"That's irrelevant. You know how violent and dangerous the Third Child can be given the circumstances. I just gave him those circumstances. Of course the Second could have been kept as decoy, or cannon fodder, yet it will not be necessary. She still could have been useful to us, however now we can replace her with the Fourth in the Scenario." Gendo stated.

"He might not be as easily manipulated."

"He is more stable than the Second." He paused for a second. "I should have known that Dr Soryu would be a mistake. It is good to finally be rid of its consequences. I wasn't expecting her to be able to save both Unit 03 and its Pilot, maybe I should have thanked her for giving us the possibility to get rid of her."

"Your son will probably hate you for this. Even more so if there was indeed something between them." Fuyutsuki said, maybe to give him a chance to change his mind.

"It does not matter as long as he carries out with our plan. Furthermore, the more isolated he is, the less he will have to distract him from this mission." Gendo answered coldly. Fuyutsuki winced behind his interlocutor's back but said nothing. However, it didn't mean that he agreed with his superior.

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Shinji shyly entered the room where Rei was according to the nurse, slightly opening the door at first and whispering "Ayanami, I'm coming in." The room she was in was smaller than the one he used to occupy, it was only big enough for one bed. "Hi, Ayanami." he said just as shyly.

"Hello, Pilot Ikari." She was half sitting, half lying on her bed in her hospital gown. The pillows had been rearranged to allow her to have something to rest her back on. Her head was bandaged, not unlike the first time he had met her all those months ago. However, none of her eyes were covered this time. She also had her left arm in a sling. "What can I do for you ?"

"How are you ?"

"I am well, thank you. I have just been kept here under observation. I went to see you yesterday. You were still unconscious."

"I'm glad you're okay, Ayanami." At least one of his friends was alright. "Do you know where Asuka is ? She's not at the hospital."

"I was unconscious when I have been extracted from my entry-plug. I am not aware of her whereabouts as a consequence." Rei simply stated. It wasn't much, but Shinji was still surprised to hear that many words coming from her.

"I'm scared about her. I saw everything that happened during the fight. I'm afraid I might have hurt her." As much as Shinji was interested in Rei's condition, he was more interested in Asuka's. "She isn't home, and she isn't in the hospital. It's too late for her to still be in school. I'm really worried."

"I cannot help you." was Rei's only answer.

"Sorry." He said automatically, his mind still focused on Asuka. "Bye." he said as he left the room, not even waiting for an answer.

.

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He didn't feel like going home. He wanted to go and look for Asuka, but he didn't know where to start, so he decided it would be better to wait for her there. When he entered the apartment, he heard steps coming towards him and saw her rushing in the entryway. She tackled him in a desperate hug. "Where were you ?" She mumbled in his neck as she squeezed him tighter. She had fought against it as much as she could have, but in the end, she had to admit that she _needed_ Shinji after what happened to her. So the time she had waited for him felt like torturous hours. She was a nervous wreck, her eyes were burning, she didn't care anymore about the pain in her chest or the fact that she was still coated in dried LCL.

"I was at the hospital. I wanted to go and see you but you weren't there so I went to see Ayanami bef..."

"Are you kidding me ?!" This was the last straw for her. Having him go see Rei reminded her too much of what her father had done all those years ago. When he had left her mother when she lost her mind, when she became useless. "I have spent the last two days in a goddamn cell ! That's where I was ! For saving your stupid friend's ass ! And when I was locked up you jumped at the opportunity and went to see Wondergirl ?!" She shouted as she pushed him away, allowing him to see her blood injected eyes.

"I hoped she knew where you were !" Shinji tried to plea.

"I can't believe it ! When I arrived here, I expected to be able to talk to my boyfriend !" Neither she nor Shinji realized which word she had just used. "I was naively thinking that you'd be there for me, as you promised me ! But you were too busy trying to have your way with that freaking doll !" She had tears in her eyes and her fists were clenched. Her whole body was tense.

"You don't understand !" he tried to interject.

"Don't worry, I won't stand in your way for too much longer ! Just... Leave me alone." She said in a tone Shinji had never heard coming from her before. As if she had just given up. She then turned around and started walking towards her room.

He didn't understand what she had meant by that but he wasn't about to abandon her nor run away. He thus quickly caught up to her and grabbed her hand. "Asuka, please..." He couldn't finish his sentence as Asuka's other hand connected with his face in a slap which felt more like a punch.

"I hate you !" She screamed, her voice cracking and tears threatening to fall from her eyes. She stormed out of the apartment leaving a shocked Third Child behind her.

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.

She ran as fast as she could in her injured state until her chest was too painful for her to continue. She had quickly realized what had just happened. She had lost patience yet again. And yet again Shinji had been her victim. And this time she didn't hold back. She wanted to convince herself that it didn't matter since she was being sent back to Germany. But it proved too hard for her. She had thrown away one of the too few good things in her life because of her temper. She wanted to collapse and disappear, but the remnants of her pride made her keep going until she reached her destination.

Hikari opened the front door and was horrified when she saw her friend's sorry state. She invited her in and took care of her as much as she could. However, Asuka never talked about the things that were obviously upsetting her. As a matter of fact, she didn't talk much at all during her stay. Hikari wanted to help, to alleviate her burden but couldn't find any way to do so. It was especially painful when she could hear her friend cry when she thought no one could. She wanted to reach out to her, but she had no idea what to say. She knew that with Asuka, one wrong step would only make things worse. So she decided to be there. To be present for her at any time. When Asuka woke up because she was having a nightmare, Hikari stayed awake with her in silence, hoping that it would be, if not enough, at least helpful.

One day, when Hikari came home from school, she found out that Asuka wasn't there anymore. She left without saying goodbye, it was better that way. She was now waiting for the train which would bring her to the airport, which would in turn bring her back to Germany. At the same time to a former life and to a completely new and unknown one.

She had been waiting there for hours, having left early to be sure not to stumble upon Hikari or anyone else, sitting uncomfortably on the floor, cursing Japan for its lack of benches in train stations. Misato came to talk to her. It felt nice, even if she would rather have had Kaji come bid her farewell. It lifted her spirits a little, until Misato spoke about Shinji. Just hearing his name brought memories and feelings that she didn't want to have, so she shouted for Misato to shut up and leave her alone. It was harsh, and she regretted it too, but she just couldn't have this discussion.

She was wondering what she would do in Germany. What she could do now that she was a nobody, and that nobody cared about her anymore. Not Kaji, who didn't come see her one last time. Did he even know ? Did he even care ? Not Hikari, who didn't even try to talk to her. Not Misato, who didn't pull any strings to have her reinstated. Not Shinji... Especially not Shinji. She probably would have just shouted at him again just to hate herself even more afterwards.

And it was the same in Germany. None of her guardians had liked her back then. Her father didn't care. She was alone. Desperately, crushingly alone. She had always prided herself on living for herself, on not needing anyone. But now, knowing what it felt like to have someone she could count on, she felt she couldn't live like she used to anymore, yet she would never be so dumb as to allow someone close to her ever again. Because she knew that she would eventually mess everything up, just like she did with Shinji. She wanted to cry, again, on the dirty floor of this empty train station, but managed to swallow back the tears and the lump in her throat after clenching her eyes shut and taking a few deep breaths.

"I can't blame him from running away. I know I would have." She said to the emptiness around her. "Who would want to be with someone as worthless as me ?" She chuckled humorlessly. "I didn't even have to tell him I got fired for him to figure out he would be much better without me... I lost everything. And it's all my fault." A single tear that she couldn't hold back escaped her left eye.

_A special state of emergency is declared for the Tokai region. All citizens must evacuate to their designated shelters immediately. Repeating..._

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A/N : This chapter was really interesting to write. My first real battle ! I hope I did a good job ! On that note, I've always felt like this battle was kinda lazy in canon. Asuka gets punched once or twice and ejects. I understand that the scenario needed Shinji to be alone but hey ! It's Asuka we're talking about. She dived into a volcano to prove everyone that she was the best (among other reasons) and she charged an Angel head first after both her arms had been severed. She doesn't run away from a fight !

I would have loved to add some more German here and there, but I don't speak German at all and I didn't want to make any mistakes.

As always, if you have anything to say, advice or anything, don't hesitate ! And most importantly, thanks for reading !


	10. In the Colosseum

"Where's Asuka ?" Shinji was feeling ambivalent about this Angel attack. On the one hand, he was apprehensive of the fight that was to take place in the near future, as he always was when he had to get inside his entry-plug, and on the other he could barely wait to see Asuka. It had been two nights since she had stormed out of the apartment and he starting to really miss her. This Angel almost seemed like a blessing in disguise to him since it meant that he would finally be able to see her again. He had no idea of how it would go or what he would do or say, but he was determined to do anything in order for her to forgive him. 'Boyfriend...' This word kept repeating in his mind 'I was her boyfriend.' He thought with melancholy.

He was thus sitting in his entry-plug. His Eva had been positioned inside the Geofront, directly next to the Headquarters. He was wielding a pallet rifle, his right hand feeling a little numb because of the wound his Eva had sustained and which was not completely healed yet. Every second seemed to last a lifetime. It was far too unusual to be deployed below the surface, something was very wrong, and the briefing didn't tell him a lot about what was happening. He was shivering a little with anticipation. Or maybe angst was really to blame.

"Miss Soryu is no longer a member of NERV." The cold voice of his father declared.

"What do you mean she's no longer a member of NERV ? You fired her !?" Shinji retorted, not believing his ears. "Are you stupid !?" The rhetorical question came without him even realizing, living with Asuka sure had left an impression on him. "She's the best Pilot among the three of us !" He said angrily, forgetting about Toji.

"I do not have to justify myself to you. But if you really want to know, she is too unstable for us to risk everyone's safety. Her reckless behavior made her a liability."

"I shouldn't be surprised." Shinji said flatly, his anger giving him confidence. He was overwhelmed by what he had just learned and its implications. Now it made sense to him why Asuka had been upset last time they saw each other, and why he hadn't seen her since. He wanted to slap himself for not having insisted when she told him she hated him. For not following her when she stormed out of the apartment. He should have stood his ground and insisted on knowing what was on her mind. 'I should have been there for her.' He thought bitterly before focusing back on the present, deciding not to delve on it just yet, there were more pressing matters at the moment. "We beat the last Angel ! She saved Toji ! He would have been killed if she hadn't been there ! You have punished her because she's done the right thing !" He was about to continue lashing out his father when an explosion brought his focus back to the battle. He was now very angry, and decided to use this anger against the Angel which had just appeared above him.

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Asuka had left the station and had walked to the closest shelter automatically, almost like a robot. She could see it a few dozen meters away. She could also see Unit 01 further away, and in the same automatic way, she passed by the shelter and kept on walking towards the Evangelion. Towards Shinji.

"What are you doing there kiddo ?" Kaji said while she was walking a few meters away from him. He had his left hand in his pocket and was holding a watering can with his other hand.

Asuka didn't seem surprised by the display in front of her, it had been as if she had woken from a trance. She had walked towards the Headquarters without even thinking about it, and arrived right at Kaji's secret garden. He was there, not in a shelter, but then again, neither was she. "I've been fired, in case you didn't know." She said sarcastically. "And if I'm going to die today, it certainly won't be in one of these shelters !" She recovered quickly, hiding her true reason.

"And you want to see how Shinji's faring." Kaji simply said, seeing clearly through her facade, still watering his melons. They could see Unit 01 standing still in the distance, partially hidden by the pine trees standing in the way, a pallet rifle in its hands, its right wrist still bandaged from the previous fight.

"... We... Things didn't end well between us... I messed everything up. Big surprise right ?" She answered despondently, still transfixed by the purple giant.

"You didn't talk to him since ?" He asked, already knowing the answer.

"I couldn't. Not after what I did..." She didn't sound at all like she was supposed to. Even her demeanor was different, Kaji noticed. Her whole body language made her looked downcast, almost resigned. The fact that she wasn't wearing her neural connectors was what stood out more to the man next to her. "Besides, he's better off without me." At this precise moment, a huge explosion rocked the Geofront. They both staggered but didn't even try to take cover. Soon after, the grotesque form of the Angel appeared from the breach it had created. It looked more or less humanoid, with a disproportionately large black and white torso compared to its limbs. Its arms looked like paper ribbons, far too short to be used effectively in combat. At its center was a red sphere, its core. A stone-like mask adorned the top of its torso, locked in an eerie grimace. It descended slowly from the chasm, taking its time to approach its objective.

It then disappeared in a cloud of smoke as Shinji fired its weapon. The noise was excruciatingly loud, and amplified by the Geofront acting as a gigantic sound box. When the gun stopped firing, Asuka wasn't expecting to see the smoke dissipate as Unit 01 didn't try to shoot the Angel anymore. Shinji had remembered his fight against the fourth Angel, when a cloud of smoke that he was responsible for gave his enemy the advantage over him. Hence, he stopped firing and studied his enemy for some time. She thought about what she would have done, emptying magazine after magazine at the Angel, eroding its AT Field at the same time to weaken it from a distance.

"Is that really what you think ?" Kaji resumed their conversation as if nothing had happened, scratching his scruffy chin with his free hand.

"Of course not !" Asuka blurted out before she could filter her answer. The exhaustion of the past few days was taking its toll on her. "It felt nice to be able to count on someone. But I screwed it up..." As she said that, Unit 01 drew its progressive knife. "It doesn't matter now anyway. He probably hates me now... I could probably coerce him into staying with me, but that would just be selfish..." She trailed off. 'And I'd only hurt him in the end.'

"You've changed. You've grown so much in the last few weeks." He stated, proud of his former ward.

"I hate it ! Things were so much easier when I thought I could live only for myself ! I feel like I failed myself !" Her fire was coming back to her as she spoke. She wasn't being completely honest, of course, but at least her outburst meant that she wasn't defeated yet. She might have been stripped bare of her status, of her title, of her Eva, but nobody could rid her of her pride ! The Angel and Unit 01 were now looking at each other, studying each other, waiting for the other to move first.

"Don't think of it that way. You haven't failed, you have learned."

"And just what the hell did I learn !?" She spat out. "I already knew that living just by myself was less painful than this !"

"You've learned that you can be more than just an Eva Pilot. And that you don't have to be alone. That there are people out there who care, I mean genuinely care about you." He stated, looking at Unit 01 for a few seconds.

"And what good does it make ?" Asuka asked, fuming, turning to face her interlocutor. For the first time since they had started talking, she had managed to pry her eyes off Unit 01. She missed as a consequence the Angel throwing its ribbon arm at the Eva, who barely dodged it before taking a defensive stance a fair distance away from its foe. "After the battle is over I'll be escorted back to the station so I can be shipped back to Germany !" She was torn between anger and despair.

"If we survive." Unit 00 emerged from the ground at this moment, a sonic glaive in its only hand, since its left arm wasn't regenerated yet. Rei gave the weapon to Shinji who tried to close the gap between him and the Angel to attack it with his now longer range. Rei stayed back and picked up one of the many weapons which were laid close to Unit 01's position, a rocket launcher, and fired some distraction shots at the Angel. "It's said if an Angel makes contact with Adam, who lies below here, humanity will be eradicated. The Third Impact." Shinji barely avoided a ribbon coming for him by lunging forward while ducking. Slowly but surely, he was getting closer to his target.

Asuka turned her gaze back to the battle before her, silently cheering and encouraging Shinji. "Don't worry about it, he's the Invincible Shinji, he can't lose !" She said dismissively. "He'll kick this Angel's a-Shinji ! Duck !" She shouted as the Angel threw another of his ribbons at Unit 01 who managed to dodge it by quickly moving right, only to arrive directly in the path of the Angel's second ribbon. As if he had heard Asuka's command, he ducked and avoided the attack, however, his umbilical cable didn't. Both ends of the cable erupted in a fountain of sparks as they were cleanly cut off. Unit 01 staggered for a second, as if Shinji had let doubt overcome him until it started moving again, just in time to raise its glaive in front of its face to protect himself from the ribbon thrown by the Angel, which connected with tremendous force against the blade, cutting itself through all its length on the weapon. One of the halves hit Unit 01's left shoulder pylon, severing it with its momentum before falling limp on the ground behind the Eva, useless.

"Asuka, the only thing I can do is stand here and water." Kaji said, not paying any attention to the battle or the girl tensing up next to him. "But you, you have something that you can do. That only you can do." With only one usable arm, the Angel was now less efficient when attacking, and as a consequence, less threatening. Unable to focus on both targets at the same time, it seemed overwhelmed by the two Evangelions fighting it. "If you both die, at least he'll know that you had his back until the end..." The Angel was getting attacked more and more relentlessly now, until it stopped focusing on Unit 01. It turned to face the other Eva as its eyes started to glow, taking the two Pilots by surprise. A second after, a gigantic explosion rocked the inside of the Geofront and engulfed Unit 00. When the smoke cleared, the blue Evangelion was motionless, silent, lying down on the ground several hundred meters from its previous position, its armor melted on the front because of the explosion. Shinji seemed stunned, as Unit 01 didn't do anything for several agonizing seconds. "And if you survive, you'll be able to talk to him. He might not forgive you, especially for not telling him about you leaving Japan... But you owe it to him... To the both you." Shinji had retreated to the laying form of Unit 00 to put it on its side and grab its umbilical cable. Its entry-plug ejected as soon as it could, propelling itself away from the battle.

"You're right. Thanks, Kaji..." She trailed off for a few seconds. "And thanks for not doing anything on the Over the Rainbow. A lesser man wouldn't have been able to resist... But seriously, I'm sorry... For everything." Asuka said, not daring to look him in the eyes, though her feelings of weakness and shame from the apology were nothing compared to the determination and excitement she felt for the battles she was about to fight. First, she had to somehow get back inside her Eva, then she had to destroy this Angel. With its new source of power, Unit 01 resumed its assault. Shinji was fighting like a demon, Unit 01 was, if not gracefully, efficiently dodging every attack sent its way and getting closer and closer to its target. Maybe he wouldn't need her at all. Maybe nothing would change. She put those thoughts at the back of her mind for the time being. It was no use worrying about this right now, she wasn't even sure they, or rather _he_, would let her pilot anyway.

Kaji let out a small understanding smile. "Go." He didn't have to say anything more. He perfectly knew what she meant, and what it meant to her to say those words. Asuka ran like she never ran before. The entrance to the Geofront wasn't very far from Kaji's garden, but every second counted. She wasn't paying attention to the battle anymore, already focusing on getting to him, she was getting excited at the prospect of showing him that she still had his back. Huge cracking and slicing noises almost made her stop to look behind her but she refused to waste precious time, trying to mentally block the noises of crashes around her in order to reach the entrance as quickly as possible, using this short run to clear her head and prepare herself mentally.

.

.

Things were getting dire in the Command Center. Everyone was trying their best not to panic. Even Fuyutsuki, behind his impassible stance, was feeling rather uneasy. Ritsuko was furiously typing on a computer next to Maya which was trying her best just to keep up with her sempai. But despite their best efforts, Unit 02 wouldn't accept the Dummy Plug. Ritsuko had tried to explain that Dr. Soryu's failed contact experiment and subsequent split of her soul made the synchronization with the Dummy plug too erratic to make Unit 02 usable in combat to Gendo. At times, the sync ratio was completely acceptable, but it never lasted long. With no apparent reason to people who didn't know the inner workings of an Evangelion, it dipped below the activation threshold, then reactivated, without regularity or any kind of pattern. The consequence was that the Eva deactivated in the middle of an action for several seconds, then reactivated and so on and so forth, so it would be completely useless against the Angel. But the Commander had given the order. The Dummy Plug had to synchronize with Unit 02, so Ritsuko and Maya were trying to find a way to circumvent this major setback. The constant headache Ritsuko was dealing with since she got injured in the explosion of the Matsushiro Experiment Facility didn't help.

Toji was in the entry-plug, desperately trying as well to synchronize with the red giant, but his lack of training made it clear that he wouldn't succeed. That he wouldn't be able to help his friend. He would have probably been able to do something in his own Eva, but it was far from being repaired, and still under quarantine. Gendo had no intention of using him in the first place, he had expected the Dummy Plug to easily sync with Unit 02. But desperate times call for desperate measures, so he had been ordered to get into Unit 02. Toji still tried as much as he could to do something. He hated the helplessness he felt while hearing Shinji's enraged screams through the comm channel.

Things were not going according to plan, so Gendo was bracing himself for a Third Impact which would not be on his own terms. Maybe he would still be reunited with Yui. His theorizations came to a halt when he heard sounds which didn't fit with the situation. He seemed to hear people cheering in the Eva cage below. He stopped pacing in the Eva's control room and turned towards the source of these unexpected noises. "Why are you here ?" He said upon noticing the reason of this joyfulness.

The entry-plug slid out of the Evangelion and its hatch opened, revealing Toji who jumped on the gangway next to him to watch the scene unfolding before his eyes.

"I am the Pilot of Evangelion Unit 02 ! I am Asuka Langley Soryu !" She shouted with determination and defiance. She knew that if he had been capable of launching her Eva without her, he would have done it by now. So for whatever reason, he needed her. A sardonic smile appeared on her lips.

She ran to the entry-plug without even waiting for the Commander to accept what was happening. Toji waited for her to be close enough to speak. "Well, looks like nobody can make this pile of junk move but you, Devil ! Even their damn autopilot didn't work !.. It's good to see you." He said with a genuine smile on his face, probably the first one he ever directed her.

"I'll show you how it's done, scrub !" She answered with a smile of her own, with no real aggression towards her usurper, already climbing inside the plug.

One of the techs caught up to them as they were talking and almost ceremoniously offered her a new set of A10 hair clips which she quickly put in their rightful place. "Thanks for coming back. We really needed you." He timidly said before leaving almost faster than he arrived. Most of the techs admired the Pilots of the Evas they were assigned to, this one was no exception.

"Go kick its ass !" Toji managed to add before the entry-plug sealed shut and slid inside Unit 02's neck. When the activation sequence started, Asuka felt something. She felt the connection between her and her Eva like never before. It felt clearer, more direct. When the walls of the entry-plug showed her the outside world, she was ready.

.

.

Panic was now clearly etched on the face of every person present in the Command Center. And it had been spreading like wildfire in the entire Headquarters since Misato had ordered all personnel to be evacuated. It had been breached, and the attacker had promptly reached the Command Center. Everyone looked in horror at the Angel when its eyes started to glow threateningly. Time seemed to stop, silence seemed to envelop her as she closed her eyes and took her cross in her right hand, her left arm still in a cast, and prepared as much as she could for her impending fate. A deafening noise broke the silence in her mind and all the alarms resumed blaring in her ears. She opened her eyes just in time to catch a glimpse of a red blur punching the Angel away from them. Her brain kicked back into gear almost immediately as she realized what was happening. "Unit 02 !? Asuka !"

The only answer she got was a furious scream from the German girl. She had been feeling powerless and sorry for herself for the past two days, but not anymore. Her confrontation with the Commander had just been an appetizer, and this fight was the main course. As soon as she had carved herself a passage to the Command Center and seen the Angel, she let her rage lead her actions. She wasn't in her entry-plug to save humanity right now, she was there to kill. Her pent-up frustration over the last days now only served to fuel her ire. This Angel was going to die. All it could do would only postpone the ineluctable. The red Eva punched its enemy repeatedly before pushing it against the wall on the other side of the room, destroying it as well in the process. All crew members let out a sigh of relief as the threat was moved away from them.

The Angel stumbled and fell on its back in the empty Eva cage. Asuka, carried by her momentum fell on top of it. She raised her Eva's fist in order to punch the Angel again. A light emanated from its eyes but Asuka had seen this attack on the surface, she quickly dodged to the right thanks to her instinct and combat training. The laser only managed to hit the ceiling, making debris fall over Unit 02. Asuka should have been stunned by the huge chunks of metal and concrete falling on her back and head, however, in this state, nothing could stop her. She stumbled a little when she stood back up because of the rubble on the ground and the weight of the Angel that she was pulling with her by its face. Its "neck" stretched a little before the rest of its body followed the movement.

She punched it again a few times for good measure when it was standing. Asuka wondered for a brief second if this was the same Angel she had seen while talking to Kaji. It didn't react, it didn't try to fight back. She focused back on her objective and pushed it as far as she could, against the wall of an Eva lift. "Misato !" It had been the only intelligible sound erupting from her mouth since she had joined the fight. It had been unnecessary, since the Major had already given the order to launch the catapult. She maintained the Angel's face against the steel rail all the way up to the top, making sparks erupt from the friction. "Hey Third ! You and I will have a talk once this is over !" She didn't really want to sound threatening, but her actual mindset made it impossible to sound any other way. She was determined, angry. She wanted to show the Commander that she could not be that easily replaced. That he had made a mistake. That he needed her to win this war.

The two giants carried their momentum when the lift stopped, projecting them both in the air. She had already started to switch her position, standing over the Angel while still in the air, one foot right on her enemy's core, the other leg bent in order to put the most weight on the first one. She was emulating the position in which she had, with Shinji, literally landed the final blow on the Seventh Angel. It was at this moment, seconds before landing, that she froze. Out of her the corner of her eye first, she saw Unit 01, then she turned her head to make sure what she saw was real. There it was, a few dozen meters away from her, still standing. It had been decapitated. She couldn't concentrate on anything but him anymore. This was the reason why he didn't answer. She desperately wanted to know if he was alright. If he was still alive. With the sync ratio he had managed to attain during the tests, the neural feedback could have given him whiplash, or it could have blocked his trachea, making him choke to death, alone in his entry-plug.

She didn't even notice two rock-like appendages emerging from around the Angel's core, encasing it so they were between the core and her Eva's foot. The behemoths crashed on the ground not far from Unit 01's beheaded form. Unit 02 lost its stance and tumbled away from the Angel, destroying the landscape in its way. The fall put Asuka out of her daze, and she turned her attention back to the Angel with renewed anger, swearing and threatening loudly her foe in German. She launched her Eva head first towards the Angel, tackling it to the ground before punching it again.

She was boiling with rage, hitting it with all her might when suddenly, the walls of her entry-plug turned black. "No !" She shouted as she understood what happened. No more power. She had failed. There was nothing left standing between the Angel and the end of the world. She wouldn't see Shinji again. It was over. In the darkness of her entry-plug, Asuka started to cry once more. She didn't even care when her Eva was thrown away, nor when an explosion rocked her entry-plug. She just let herself get overwhelmed with helplessness, openly sobbing, not paying any attention to her confined surroundings. As time passed, she became more and more aware of loud impacts rocking her entry-plug, interrupting her despondency. The impacts were slow, but relentless, merciless. Some times later, the loud thuds were joined by the noise of something cracking all around her.

"No !" She shrieked. She had given up for a moment. Not anymore. She was Asuka Langley Soryu. She did not give up. "I can't lose ! I won't lose !" The hits didn't stop, nor did they increase in speed as she was now yanking furiously her butterfly handles, screaming madly, not caring anymore if anyone could hear her. "Move ! Move gottverdammt ! Move !" The impacts only served to make her more enraged. "Move ! Move ! You have to move !" She thought the Angel was mocking her personally now that she had fallen, humiliating her without honor. "I can't lose ! If I lose then it's all over and I can't let this happen !" The red behemoth didn't move, however. She kept on pushing the butterfly handles desperately, weakly wailing at the same time. Finally, this rollercoaster of emotions of the past days proved to be too much, even for the great Asuka Langley Soryu. She slammed her fist lamely on her right control yoke with a short shout full of anger, frustration and sadness, slouching on her seat.

The weight of her defeat was slowly creeping back to overwhelm her. "Move ! If you don't move we'll all die !" She lamented. "I don't want to die..." She solemnly said, her tears dissolving inside the LCL around her. "...I haven't had the chance to tell him how much he means to me... If we die, he'll never know that I... Love him."

She raised her head, her eyes wide when she heard a thunderous heartbeat. She stayed still when she heard another... Then another... Then another. She was completely paralyzed as her Eva finally answered her plea and awakened. Its four eyes lit up as the top and lower parts of its face mask shifted in order to reveal them. It raised its AT Field to block the next attack of the Angel. The ribbon-like arm was shredded as soon as it made contact with the octagonal barrier, and the reverberation was enough to injure the Angel itself, which crashed on its back while blood poured from the gashes it had just received.

Unit 02 stood up slowly, taking its time as its threat was neutralized for the time being. It breathed heavily through its mouth then arched and roared powerfully before falling on all fours and making its way towards its fallen foe. It stopped for a few seconds only to bury its fingers in the monster's eyes, preventing it from trying to retaliate with a last, desperate attack.

Unit 02's eyes narrowed in a vicious expression of anticipation. It then lowered its head towards the Angel until it abruptly stopped, its action impeded by some obstacle. It snarled in frustration, then arched back up before grabbing the lower part of its face mask at the chin with both hands before pulling on it with all its strength while roaring ferociously. The bottom of the face mask broke after a few seconds on both sides of the beast's jaw, freeing its mouth. The Eva let out a vicious scream, now unhindered by the restraining mask, its teeth glowing in the artificial light of the Geofront, before resuming its previous action. It started savagely eating the Angel, tearing its flesh, ripping its bones before crunching them in its powerful jaw. The beast suddenly straightened and looked cautiously behind its back before returning to its meal.

The Angel was dead, however Unit 02 was still very much active. It looked around for a few seconds before standing on its hind legs, the armor binding it to humanity's will breaking as the beast's muscles expanded on its arms, torso and back. It roared to the Heavens above as if daring humanity or the Angels, or anything else to try and stop it.

.

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A/N : This one's a little late. It's been mostly finished for a while but I just kept getting back to it and changing one word here, a sentence there etc etc. I basically had to force myself to just send it or I would have never been satisfied enough to do it !

I don't really understand how Shinji went from the station to a shelter inside the Geofront. It would have made more sense for him to be on the surface.

I really need a beta reader. I thought I could do everything by myself, keep this fic only mine, but that's selfish I guess. I need help to tie all of this together and make sure it's, if not good, at least acceptable ! Oh and if this person speaks German, that's even better ! I feel like I'm not doing justice to Asuka. If you're interested, PM me !

Anyway, thanks for reading !

Bye !


	11. The world keeps turning

Day 2 :

I didn't have this notebook yesterday so what I'll just write what happened today. I could have put everything in the same entry but I wanted to relate everything day by day. So this is the day I got out of the hospital. I wasn't seriously injured during the battle, nothing more than some bruises. I spent a day there... Well, more like 30 something hours. I guess I just needed some rest. Mr Kaji came here at the end of the day. I imagine Misato needed someone to babysit me since she wasn't coming home. Too much work she said. It makes sense considering the last battle. She didn't tell me anything about you which is what worries me the most. I know that you came back and that you killed the Angel, but what happened ? Why can't I see you ? Why does nobody want to tell me anything ? Even Mr Kaji seemed worried. We didn't talk much, even I thought the silence was awkward !

What happened to you ?

Day 3 :

Mr Kaji came by again. I guess I'll have to get used to him being here from now on. He just gave me this notebook. He told me to write about what I think, what I feel. And as you can see I am doing just that. I can already see you laugh at my face for obeying orders, just like with the cello... Or the Eva. But it helps, somehow.

Misato called me some hours later. Mr Kaji was nice enough not to try and disturb me while I was in my room. She gave me good news... I think. She told me that you were still alive, that you were still in your Eva, but that something happened during the battle. From what I understood, your sync ratio was so high that you got absorbed inside your Eva. So you're still there but you aren't, and you can't leave. Misato told me that Dr Akagi had a plan to get you out, but that it would take some time. I stayed on my bed for hours afterwards I think to try and make sense of it.

I guess this notebook will serve as a way for me to relate to you what happens while you're gone. That is, if you even accept to read it. Mr Kaji told me that you and him talked before you came back, but he didn't want to tell me what it was about. He only said that you were not mad at me, and that you regretted yelling at me the last time we saw each other.

You know, I shouldn't have let you go. I should have ran after you. I learned what my fath... What the Commander did. I feel so ashamed of myself for what I did... Or didn't do. For not insisting on knowing what was bothering you. For not being there to comfort you when you needed me.

Do you remember the night we first kissed ? That night, I promised myself I wouldn't run away from you anymore. And despite my word, I did. By not following you, I did. I failed you. You will not like this, but I'm sorry. Sincerely.

Day 4 :

If everyday is like this, I won't use a lot of pages of this notebook, that's for sure. Nothing happened. Misato is still at NERV. I think she's avoiding me. I don't understand why. I already know everything, right ? Do you think she's still hiding things from me ? This is killing me ! I'm starting to think that she doesn't come home because she does have bad news to tell me.

Mr Kaji didn't come either, oddly enough. I spent the whole day alone, in my room. I didn't even bother myself with cooking. I'm not hungry, I'm sad. The only thing I feel is sadness, but the tears won't come.

Oh ! I fed Pen Pen. At least I did something today. He seems somber too. I guess he misses you as well.

Day 5 :

Misato came back today. I don't know what I was expecting though, she just drank beer after beer as soon as she passed the threshold. She didn't even come see me before. It still cheered me a little to see her, even though we hardly talked.

I thought I would be pry some information out of her in her state but she kept silent. I'm really worried now. I'm really starting to doubt that I'll be able to give you this notebook one day.

But this isn't the worst part. Do you want to know it ? She cooked for the both of us. And I realized this only when I had finished eating ! I have to do something, I can't stay like this. I didn't even think what she "cooked" was that bad, can you believe this ?

Day 6 :

Today was the first sync test since the Angel. We had to do them in the test plugs, since all the Evas are still being repaired. If another Angel attacks us, we won't last long. None of them can be used yet.

I thought this test would help me think about something else. Guess what ? It didn't. And I did horribly. I don't care to be honest. I didn't even react when Misato told me that I was barely above the activation threshold. Even Toji did better than me.

He tried to talk to me but I left as soon and as quickly as possible. I had only one thing on my mind when I came to NERV today, I wanted to see Unit 02... To see you. It was very strange to see it with all those bandages instead of the armor on its face. And its eyes They looked so... Alive... So human. I don't really know how to describe them, they were really unsettling. I had the impression that your Eva was looking at me the whole time I stayed there.

There were wires sticking out of it from everywhere. I don't know why they are here. Are they some sort of life support for you ? Are they used to monitor the Eva ? It doesn't matter. What matters to me was that you are there. I promise I'll come visit you as much as possible, but I thought about it, I can't come everyday and stay there all the time. It's already suspicious enough of me to come see Unit 02 in the first place. So I decided to come see you every time there'll be sync test or when I need to go to NERV.

Day 7 :

We talked with Misato in the evening. She told me she had realized that she hadn't been there for me and promised me that she would from now on. I guess my sync ratio was really that bad !

She promised me that she would not avoid me anymore, and that she shouldn't have done it in the first place. It still feels strange you know. I've spent most of my life alone, I'm not used to having someone tell me that sort of things. My teacher would have probably ignored me completely in this situation, and he wouldn't have apologized, or even realized how it would have made me feel.

We also talked about relationships. Like the one we used to have. It was really awkward. That's what made me realize that she was "back". She was really enjoying herself while teasing me. Overall, it was almost a normal evening. It was nice.

Day 8 :

Ayanami came to the apartment today. I was really surprised to see her. She wanted to talk to me, maybe she was worried since I didn't come back to school since the last Angel. She asked me how I felt and more importantly, why I felt this way. She didn't say it like that but what she meant was that she didn't quite understand the concept of sadness.

We didn't talk for a long time, Ayanami just came, asked me some questions and left. We talked about the Commander and this time she didn't slap me for telling her what I thought about him.

Day 9 :

I went to see the Commander today. I was about to spend yet another day doing nothing except reminiscing about you and the time we spent together when my mind took another direction. I thought about the last time we talked... The last time I saw you, except this time it didn't make me wistful, it made me angry. Very angry. So I left the apartment and went straight to my... To the Commander's office.

And I completely lost control ! It seemed so unreal, as if it was someone else, as if I was watching it from outside my body. At one point I thought he might have me arrested or something but I just didn't care, I kept going and kept going until Section 2 agents took me out of the office and back to the apartment. I'm not proud of saying that but it felt good. I just slumped when I arrived home, drained of all my energy. It's been satisfying.

I can't believe he could have been stupid enough to fire you. If we had been together... I mean all three of us, we might have been able to kill the Angel without... Your accident. I've never been this angry at anyone before. To think I used to fight to have him notice me... I'm pretty sure he has now.

Day 10 :

Venting out all my anger must have had a really good effect on me, because this morning I decided I'd go back to school. I felt confident, I thought I could overcome any challenge !

I was wrong. Very wrong. I realized this mistake as soon as I arrived. It wasn't that bad at first, I went straight to the classroom so I didn't see many people, it was pretty early.

Then all I could do was look at your empty desk. I just stayed there, dumbly looking at your desk, everyone passing by me. I didn't even acknowledge them until one of them punched my shoulder rather hard. Toji. I hadn't faced him since I almost killed him. I didn't even think about him. I was paralyzed when I saw him. If it weren't for you, he'd probably be dead, and I didn't even check on him after the battle ! So I ran. I ran away from school and went straight back to the apartment.

I thought I was safe. I was wrong, again. I underestimated Toji. He came after school. He just told me not to worry about him, that he was fine. He promised that if I continued feeling sorry about what happened he'd kick the crap out of me. He left right after that. I guess he knew I wouldn't have picked up the phone if he had called. At least he doesn't know about us.

Misato was very supportive, she reassured me when she came home, told me that I could take as much time off school as I needed. She also told me that Dr Akagi was making good progress. I have to trust her, no one knows the Evas like she does. Maya's helping a lot too.

Day 11 :

Toji and Kensuke came to see me today. It makes sense, after what happened yesterday. And I imagine Toji wanted to make sure I was doing as he had told. I'm still standing, so I guess I passed the test. Anyway, nothing really interesting happened, we just talked and payed some video games. It felt nice I have to admit. My only regret is that I can't talk to them. Not because we agreed on not telling anyone. Just because I don't feel like I want to tell them. I don't know if you see what I mean, I'm not sure I understand myself.

Day 12 :

It was Mr Kaji's turn to be here today. He wanted to know how I was feeling. We talked for a long time. About you, about Misato... He stayed a while so I won't bore you with the uninteresting parts, but something peculiar happened. When I told him in details how I felt, he seemed pensive. He wasn't smiling like he usually does. I really can't hazard a guess as to what I could have said that could have had this effect on him.

I just told him how sad I was that you weren't there anymore... Even just putting this on paper seems strange. I'm not used to sharing my feelings like that. It's even more strange that I'm writing them here, so that means that I'm writing them for you to read...

Anyway. I told him that I didn't know how I would feel if I didn't see you again. That I already felt devastated... That I thought you deserved a proper burial, even if you wouldn't be there... Just like my mother.

He almost seemed shocked when I told him that. I say almost because I just can't be sure with him, he never shows his emotions. But I can assure you I saw something.

Day 13 :

I have not been in your room since the last time we saw each other. I promise. But after what happened, I needed to. It's part of you, your little world, with your clothes and magazines on the floor. Your still unmade bed ! And it still smells like you a little. I didn't want to intrude, I swear, I didn't feel like you would have wanted me to anymore. But today I had to. I try to cope with your disappearance, but it's just too much. I'm scared. Scared that I'll never see you again. I miss you.

I should explain why. Today, we had a sync test. We were four. The new Pilot's name is Kaworu Nagisa. He's the Fifth Child. He was sent here as dedicated Pilot for Unit 02. They replaced you ! And the only reason I can think of for them doing this is that you're not coming back.

He tried to talk to me after the test, I kind of lost control and lashed out at him. I even tried to punch him ! Toji was there, he caught me before I could do anything. I feel kind of bad because he seems nice enough. But he's replacing you... I'm thankful that Toji stopped me, even though I still feel bad when I see him.

You would have been proud I think. I lost control just because of what he is in relation to you. I'm less patient than I thought. It makes sense... You're the only one who tried my patience to this extent before that. And I know I would never have lost control against you.

Day 14 :

We talked about you with Misato. We spent the day together, she managed to take a day off just to take care of me. She told me about the time she was your guardian in Germany, it seemed nice. At least she seemed to have enjoyed it. She told me she even missed the times when you both fought ! Because it always passed. She said she was sad that as time went by you seemed to grow colder and more distant towards everyone... Except me, she added that she was really happy to see how we had a positive influence on each other. She wasn't teasing this time, which made me all the more uncomfortable !

When I asked her why you were distant, she refused to tell me. She said that if you wanted me to know, you would be the one to tell me when you'd come back. I really, genuinely wish I knew. I already told you, I hate to know how sad you are and not being able to do anything about it.

Misato's trying to stay positive and I can't thank her enough for that, but you know her, she's really not good with this kind of things. I know she's preoccupied. I want to believe her when she says you'll come back, but it's really hard.

Day 15 :

Toji came to see me after school. He knows about us. My reaction when he asked if this was true was... Eloquent, to say the least. He told me that Ayanami had shared her suspicions with him one day. So much for keeping it secret.

He doesn't really approve, but he doesn't know you like I do. That being said, he respects you a lot. He told me about your comeback to NERV, he was really impressed at how you talked to the Commander ! Don't repeat it but he told me that the Commander scares him. I can relate.

Before he left, he told me he was happy for us. Well, he said for me, but it's a start, right ?

At first I was... Apprehensive. I didn't want to talk to him. He has already moved on, but I didn't. I don't think he realizes what could have happened. That being said, I'm glad we talked. It took my mind of everything, even if it was only temporary.

Day 16 :

Everything reminds me of you. Take this room for example. If I'm in there, it's because of you, because you stole my bedroom when you moved in. Now that I think about it, I really don't understand what came to Misato's mind when she took you in as well. Did she plan for me to get kicked out of my room ? She must have. You would never have agreed to live in the smallest room of the apartment. She must have known that ! Maybe she wanted me to protest.

Do you want to know why I didn't ? There are two reasons. First, I knew it wouldn't have changed anything. I know, this is not a good reason, I know I should stand my ground. I didn't because of the second reason, which is that wanted you to stay. If I had insisted enough on not wanting to live in the closet, Misato would have made one of us leave, and I didn't want that. I wanted to get to know you. I didn't like my new room, obviously, but that was a small price to pay for what I could gain for it.

I thought about all this when I was making breakfast this morning. You usually used to be there, sitting at the table behind me, yelling at me for not cooking fast enough, complaining because you were angry at one thing or another. It's funny how our perception of things can change. Now I would give anything just to have you yell at me again.

Day 17 :

I wonder... What would you have done I had been the one absorbed ? If I had to guess, I think you would have been mad at me for disappearing like that. You would probably have just waited for me to return to yell at me and call me an idiot !

Maybe you would have been sad ? Even just a little ? In any case, I'm sure you would have taken this much better than I do. You've always been so strong.

Day 18 :

I watched the movie we saw together again. I want to believe that they kept their promise. That they both came back and were reunited. I understand it's just wishful thinking, and that I'm just projecting my own hopes, but I can't tell you how much I need to believe they were reunited in the end...

Day 19 :

Well ! That was an interesting day ! Toji took me to visit his sister at the hospital. She reminded me a lot of you ! She might be stuck in the hospital but she doesn't let it get to her ! She's so energetic and lively. You wouldn't recognize Toji when he's around her, he's so quiet around her. That's probably because Sakura is always scolding him !

Toji told me she's getting better every day, so she'll be released soon. He hasn't told her yet because he doesn't want to keep her hopes up. I can understand that, she already can't stand in one place ! That's to be expected, she's bored out of her mind in there. She's been in the hospital for five months and she told me her most exciting day has been when she got transferred to NERV hospital. He told me that he accepted to become a Pilot because of that. He asked me why I was still piloting, since he knows how much I hate it, so I told him that he and I fought for the same reason. That I fight for you, that I won't run away from a fight because you count on me to have your back, even if I know you don't need me to !

I wasn't sure I would be telling you this, but I also felt very queasy around her. She kept telling me I saved her life, that I was a hero. I've never considered myself a hero. I hate being called that. She's in the hospital because of me ! And she calls me a hero. I don't understand. I still think Toji did the right thing when he punched me... She did get hurt because of me. And I wasn't even able to protect you. If I had fought better, she wouldn't have been injured and you probably would still be there.

Day 20 :

I went to see you after the test today, as usual. I'd like to come more, but I don't want to attract too much attention. The techs didn't seem to care, they must be used to seeing me by now. Some of them looked at me solemnly, I don't know if it's because they pity me or if they sympathize with my sorrow. To be honest, I don't really care, as long as they leave me alone.

Misato doesn't like that. She understands why I do it so she lets me, yet she'd rather I did not go see you. She's right, it's dangerous, but that doesn't change anything. Seeing your Eva is the only form of contact I still have with you, and I really need it, I'm starting to have trouble remembering your face or your voice.

The good news is that all our Evas are repaired and ready for combat. When I asked, Dr Akagi promised me they would use yours only if they don't have any other choice. The Fifth Child is only a backup in case Ayanami, Toji and I fail, and it won't happen. I won't let it. My sync rate is not as high as it used to be but it's climbing up slowly, and Toji promised me he'd help. He seemed really honest, you must have left quite an impression on him !

Day 21 :

Kensuke came today. I feel like everyone takes turn just not to leave me alone. I'm a little angry about that, but on the other hand, it's nice so overall I'm glad they do.

He has no clue as to what's been going on between you and me,, I'm pretty sure of that, because he kept telling me that not having you to boss me around had to be amazing. According to him, I'm on vacation from you and your moods right now.

You know what I think about that, so you can guess how it made me feel to hear this. Don't get me wrong, I still really appreciate what he's doing for me, what they all are, but I can't believe he hasn't put two and two together yet. Then again you had to tell me about Toji and Hikari.

He invited me to go to the arcade tomorrow with the three of them, I wanted to say no, but I might have a good time so I accepted.

Day 22 :

Mission accomplished. I had a lot of fun. So much that I didn't think about you for a few hours. And it made me feel guilty. It's not that I feel that I'm not allowed to have fun now that you're... Not there, it's just that it doesn't feel right. You should still be with us, having fun with us, living your life !

Sometimes it feels like everyone just kept going, not realizing just how much they have lost too. They don't realize that they might be dead tomorrow because you won't be there to protect them !

Not thinking about you feels like I'm betraying you in a way, like I'm starting to do just as they do, forgetting you. It's not right. I should think about you all the time. You disappeared ! You might never come back ! They should erect a statue in your memory ! Declare a national holiday ! And I should not stop thinking about you like I did. I'm pathetic.

Day 23 :

Sometimes I wish that I didn't come to your room when I did. If I had ran away like I always used to, it would have been easier for me to cope with your disappearance. Losing you hurts more than any physical pain. I feel so empty. And guilty for even thinking this. I don't want you to believe that I regret what happened between us. I really don't, I promise, it's just that it's almost unbearable sometimes.

Sometimes it just feels like it's too much to handle, and there's absolutely nothing I can do. It's horrible to be this powerless. The only thing I can do is accept it and move on. I don't want to. And I won't.

Misato does everything she can to reassure me. She always tells me that Dr Akagi is making progress and that you'll be back with us soon. She doesn't know anything. Even Dr Akagi doesn't know anything. There's no way of knowing for sure that you'll come back ! If things had stayed as they were, I would have lost a friend. It would have been hard of course, but it would have been nothing compared to this.

I lost you. The one I care for the most. The one I was the most scared of losing. And I don't want to talk about it to anyone, because no one would understand. You're the only one who could understand. The only one I want to talk to about it.

Day 24 :

Do you want to come back in the first place ? I thought about it last night. I know the question is strange, but I mean, maybe you're happy. If you're conscious of what's happening maybe forcing you to come back would only be cruel.

I'm not sure I would. I've tried all my life to run away from the pain, and not being aware of what's happening sounds almost... Appealing.

If I had been given this choice a few weeks ago, I would have probably chosen to stay there, away from the pain, from the loneliness, from the sadness. But now everything is different. You changed everything ! You made me realize that I'm not just an Eva Pilot. That's what I thought before, that people considered me only because of that. You made me realize that people were nice to me, and not just because I'm a Pilot.

I wanted to talk to you before the battle, to face you, just to tell you that I was there for you. I am conscious of the fact that you would have had an easier time believing me if I had followed you last time. I need you to be patient with me too.

Now, with everything that's happened, if I had been absorbed and you had been the one left behind, I would have come back just so I could tell you what I want to tell you.

Day 25 :

Rei and I talked again. It seems they are making good progress towards your rescue. It made me really happy to hear that. Even though it might be stupid, I still hold onto the hope that you'll come back. That I'll be able to see you, even if you don't want to talk to me anymore, I don't care.

The weird part came after. She told me that she understood better how I felt now, she has thought about it a lot after our conversation. She told me that she hoped someone would mourn her as I am mourning your right now if she were to disappear too. And she added that she hated feeling that way because she was hoping to make someone sad because of her, and someone close to her. I told her I would mourn her too. I don't want to. I don't want anyone to die.

She said something that cheered me up though. She said that things were different now without you. Quieter. That made me laugh ! She told me that now, she finds the locker room unnerving because it's too silent. I guess she misses you too. Despite everything that's happened between you.

Day 26 :

Today has to have been the most surprising day since you left. Toji came to visit me. With Hikari. And according to them, I'm the one responsible for them being together now. I made him understand that running away was not a solution. It might seem strange but I am jealous of them. They are together, happy. I envy them so much ! How come they are allowed to be happy together when we can't ? This is so frustrating ! Either they don't realize what happened or they don't care ! It's not fair that they get to keep on with their lives when you can't ! I know this is selfish but I want you back ! I need you back !

Day 27 :

Okay. This week is getting stranger and stranger. As usual I came to see you after the sync test, I'm doing better by the way, I'm almost at my former sync rate, only three points down ! The new Pilot apologized to me when he saw me in the changing room. He told me he understood that I was upset because of him, and that it had never been his intention. He also said something about human hearts being as fragile as glass or something, I can't recall. I shouldn't be mad at him, he has done nothing wrong if we think about it.

It wasn't the strangest thing that happened though. As I said, I was standing in front of Unit 02 as usual, not paying attention to anything but the four eyes before me when someone stopped right next to me. It was Vice Commander Fuyutsuki. He told me that he appreciated my dedication. I was about to tell him that I wasn't doing it to get his approbation or anyone else's when he said something so cryptic that I still think about it as I'm writing these lines. He told me to always remain hopeful... No. He told me not to lose hope. Why would he do that ? Does it mean something ? Do you think I'm over-analyzing things ? He's the closest person to the Commander, maybe he knows things that even Misato doesn't. It's probably nothing, he probably just wanted to comfort me, but it's so strange that I can't help but think about it.

Day 28 :

I finally went back to school. And I managed to get through the day. As you can imagine, the lesson was as boring as it has always been. At least I know I haven't missed much. And Hikari has given me the printouts I didn't have when she came.

It could have been a rather normal day, if people had minded their own business. Everyone kept staring at me. I didn't notice that last time, then again, I didn't notice much that day. Some of them just came to me to ask personal questions and things I didn't want to answer.

Some girls even came and tried to comfort me. I don't understand why now they're talking to me. Why couldn't they do what they always did and ignored me ? They seemed weird, I don't really know how to explain, but them being nice seemed out of place. As I said they used to ignore me, why are they trying to talk to me now ?

Day 29 :

You remember when I told you I went to see the Commander ? Well, I thought about it and I came to the conclusion that he's not the one I should be mad at for what happened.

It should be me.

He has his part of responsibility, of course, but so do I. And if I had been there for you, we could have talked to him together, maybe even with Misato. Maybe we could have convinced him that getting rid of you was a mistake.

Instead of that, I stayed away from you. I didn't try to find you because I was scared of facing you. I'm a pathetic, weak little boy.

Day 30 :

My teacher never taught me about religion, he wasn't very keen on these sorts of things. So I have never believed in any Gods or higher powers. To be perfectly honest, I hadn't even given it much thought. But now, I can understand why someone would.

It seems comforting to just be able to believe that everything happens for a reason, that it is all part of a plan... That your disappearance has a meaning.

Day 31 :

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow they will do whatever they have planned in order to save you. I would have preferred for it to be today. It would have been fitting to have you come back on your birthday.

Misato told me not to come, she told me that I wouldn't be able to keep my emotions to myself and that it would be too dangerous. She's still looking out for us, I'm glad. However, I can't help but notice that there are two meanings in what she said. Of course, I wouldn't be able to hold myself if I saw you tomorrow. I miss you so much. But on the other hand, I know she said that because she doesn't want me around in case the operation fails. Please. I'm begging you if you can somehow hear me or something. Please come back.

This will be the last entry in this journal. Hopefully I'll be able to give it to you tomorrow. Even if I can't, I don't care, as long as you are safe. And if you don't come back, I'll stop writing anyway. Because that will mean that you'll never be able to read it.

There is just one last thing that I wish to tell you however. Something I wish I had told you before, because I'm not sure I'll ever be able to now. I love you, Asuka. And I always will.

.

.

"You... Idiot ! Come here right now !" A shrill voice pierced the eardrums of every person in the Katsuragi residence, waking most of them in the process, as well as some neighbors, probably. Shinji opened the door to Asuka's room just seconds after hearing this and entered her bedroom sheepishly. He was the only one in the apartment except from her not sleeping. Pen Pen was comfortably dozing in his fridge and Misato had brought Kaji with her to her own room some hours earlier.

When he entered the room, he saw Asuka sitting on her bed, facing the door, the notebook still open in front of her. Her eyes were red, and tears were rolling down her cheeks. Shinji turned his face away, not daring to look her in the eyes. "Look at me !" Asuka spoke angrily between sobs. He turned his head and stared into her eyes. He had never seen her so vulnerable before. While studying her, he almost couldn't recognize her, it was as if all her defenses had been destroyed. "I'm crying because of you ! Again !.. I never cry ! I promised myself I wouldn't cry anymore."

"I'm sorry" Shinji was transfixed by the sight before his eyes, so he couldn't think of anything better to answer her.

"Don't you "I'm sorry" me ! You stupid idiot !" She sounded very angry, her whole body was tense. She closed her eyes and sighed loudly. "You know I can't read kanjis, right ?" She wiped her tears with the back of her hand. "But I understood the general idea..." She added before lunging at Shinji in order to wrap her arms around him. She buried her head in his neck, with tears still rolling down her cheeks and landing on his t-shirt. "... And I love you too, idiot !"


	12. Falling down

They just stood there, embracing one another, not daring to let go. Asuka was clinging tightly to him, still crying softly on his neck. She was shivering a little despite the night's warmth.

Shinji didn't know how to feel. What was happening was simultaneously warming and breaking his heart. Warming because she was there. She came back ! This was already enough for him, and she had told him that she loved him too ! And on top of that, she trusted him enough not to hide how she felt right now. But that was the problem. He had never seen her like this before, she looked so small, so frail. He wanted to comfort her, to protect her from whatever demons were making her cry like this. If only he knew what to do. "It-it's okay. I'm here. We both are. I-I love you." He managed to say, emboldened by her previous declaration. The only response he got were her arms tightening around him almost painfully. She sobbed a bit more powerfully too.

A lot of scenarios had gone through Shinji's head while he had waited for her to read the notebook he had given her a few hours ago. This was not one of them. And he couldn't stand it. He couldn't stand to see her sad like that. He decided, as a consequence, to do anything he could to make her feel better. He squared his shoulders and held her more firmly, his right hand gently caressing her head and hair. How he had missed this !.. How he had missed her. After a month without her he was elated to be able to once again see her, smell her, feel her in his arms. It had been far too long.

Yes. He would definitely do anything to cheer her up. She would talk to him when she would be ready, he knew that, and when this would happen, he would help her, he would find a way. In the meantime, the only thing he could do was show her that he was there for her. That he wasn't going anywhere.

"Shinji ?" She called hoarsely once her crying subsided a little.

"What is it ?" He gently whispered in her ear.

"I want to go to bed." She answered, emotionless. He helped her get comfortable on the bed before leaving her room, without even looking at her and thus missing the desperate gaze she cast on him. He came back a few minutes later with a large glass of water.

Asuka's shoulders slumped as relief coursed through her body. She kept silent when she took the glass and brought it to her lips and avidly drank most of it before putting it down on her nightstand while Shinji lied down next to her. She had not realized how thirsty she was. "Thanks." She murmured as she got comfortable close to him, looking him in the eyes, their faces mere centimeters apart, on the same pillow. Despite her bed being large enough for the both of them to sleep rather comfortably, Asuka just refused to release her hold on the Third Child.

.

.

"Tell me precisely how it happened." Gendo Ikari ordered impassible, his hands folded before his mouth. He had read the report, of course, yet there still were elements to this particular event which eluded him.

"Everything we know is in the report I gave you. The whole operation was based on theories and hypotheses. There still are a lot of things we do not know or understand about the Evas." Ritsuko replied. It had been a long day which concluded a long month. She wasn't in the mood to repeat herself.

"What I want to know is how she managed to come back when I specifically told you that this wasn't supposed to happen. I do not appreciate insubordination." Gendo answered threateningly.

"I did exactly what you ordered." She didn't have to justify herself to him. Her actions in the past years should have been eloquent enough. She had been surprised herself when she saw Asuka's naked form on the gangway close to a crying Misato. She had deliberately slipped incorrect codes here and there, where she knew it would be unlikely for Maya to find out. In several places, to make sure her, no, _his_ objective would be complete. She had followed his orders, as she always did, despite his indifference, despite his disdain for her. 'Can't you understand that she came back because she wanted to ?' She thought with contempt. Recently, her opinion of the Supreme Commander shifted, ever so slightly at first. She had done so much for him, sacrificed so much, only to be disrespected as a scientist and as a woman. "Every relevant information considering my tampering with the operation has been added to the report."

The Commander moved a little on his chair, his glasses reflecting the eerie light from his office. "You are dismissed. Today's test shall begin shortly." He didn't even spare a look to the open folder on his office.

"Yes."

.

.

"Asuka's sync ratio has dropped significantly." Maya exclaimed. She had forced herself for a while not to show emotions when she stated those kind of things, but this just wasn't her. She had always been someone who wore her emotions on her sleeve. Too much was at stake here to be detached about what happened. One of NERV's Pilots losing her ability to synchronize with her Eva was a big deal !

"That was to be expected." Ritsuko reassured her assistant. "It's been a month since she last synchronized with an Eva. Even her own body must feel strange to her right now." She opened a comm channel with Unit 02's Entry Plug. "Asuka ? You have to concentrate."

"I'm trying !" Asuka answered angrily. The truth was, she wasn't trying at all. Her mind couldn't have been further away from this sync test as it already was. She had woken up late, still in the arms of the boy she had confessed to the night before, warm and comfortable. The first thing she looked at were his eyes in the dimly lit bedroom. They were full of tenderness and relief. But there was something else. Concern. Worry. His deep blue eyes had always had the power to make her heart skip beats. When she looked at them this morning, she felt that with his help, she would be able to get better.

This feeling was peculiar to her. She had always prided herself of being independent, of not needing anyone. But being loved, after so long, and realizing her own love for him, had changed that fact... Not that she would admit it to him. Or anyone else.

He wasn't drowsy with sleep like her, on the contrary, he looked very much awake. He had waited for her to wake up not to disturb her, she assumed. Maybe it wasn't something important in his mind but it meant a lot to her.

It was Sunday. So they didn't need to go to school, which was a good thing, since she really wasn't in the mood for a boring lesson interspersed with death glares, dumb and tiresome hypocrites wanting to bask in her popularity and love letters from boys who just lusted after her body. This whole menagerie already made her sick at the best of time, now just thinking about them was almost unbearable for her. Not to mention the girls Shinji had talked about ! Those opportunistic harpies ! They would get what they deserved, just not now. Now was the time to enjoy spending time with her boyfriend.

Yes. She was looking forward to spending the day with Shinji. It was selfish, but she desperately wanted him to alleviate her sadness just by being with her. To feel safe in his arms. To eat whatever he would have prepared for her, she didn't care what, she knew it would have tasted divine. Maybe even watch a movie in his old room.

All these hopes came crashing down however when the phone rang.

As a consequence, she didn't care at all about this sync test. Furthermore, she didn't want to be in her Eva. What she had seen, or thought she had seen, throughout last month, had left a deeply disturbing impression on her. She wasn't ready to "face" her Eva just yet. She still wasn't sure if she had just hallucinated or if it had indeed been the truth. Whatever it was, she didn't want to verify it just yet.

That was another reason why she got scolded by Ritsuko. She had closed her heart and mind as soon as she had stepped inside her Entry Plug. She just wanted to be out of there, back home.

But even that wasn't in the cards for her. Ritsuko had wanted her to come to her office as soon as the test ended. She just managed to tell Shinji not to wait for her, but she still told him that she wanted a nice dinner ready when she came back. He had promised her a Black forest cake. That was enough to cheer her up, and help her get through this.

It was already getting dark when she finally got out of the Geofront. 'I'll be home soon. A few more minutes and I'll be with...'

"Hey Soryu !" Her reverie was interrupted by Toji, who was quickly closing the distance between them.

"Hey Monkey-boy !" She greeted back without enthusiasm. "What are you still doing here ?"

"I was with my sister. I go see her every time I'm here." He answered happily, not even noticing Asuka's tone.

"You're a devoted brother, Shinji told me about you and your sister. I... Appreciate your... Abnegation." She said truthfully, albeit a bit reluctantly.

"Did I hear that right ?" Toji replied, flabbergasted. "Did you just compliment me ? Are you alright ?"

"Listen." She paused a little to organize her thoughts. "Shinji's told me how hard last month has been on him. You've been there for him... You've helped him when I..." She hesitated for a moment, unsettling the boy in front of her. "Wasn't there. I'm glad you did. You are a good friend to the idiot. Thank you..." She finally managed to say with some effort. "But don't get me wrong ! That doesn't mean I like you !"

He chuckled. "I sure hope not ! But don't mention it, Demon. It was the least I could do for Shin-Man ! He really was devastated. You know, he really cares about you. And from what I have seen, you might not be so bad for him after all." He trailed off. She was about to leave when he spoke again. "I wanted to thank you too... You know, for saving my life." It was his turn to feel uncomfortable. "I owe you one, and a Suzuhara never forgets his debts !" He paused for a second. "I can see you want to leave, I ain't going to bother you any longer. Take care of Shinji... And yourself. See you tomorrow !"

.

.

'Kaji you fool... You were always such a fool !' Misato had been locked up in this dark cell for hours now. She was hungry. She had wanted to finish catching up with her work before grabbing a latish lunch. She was almost done when those Section 2 goons came. The audacity they shown still pissed her off. They were the ones who had messed up letting the Vice Commander get abducted and she was locked up ? She had managed to keep her composure in front of them and inside her cell, mostly, but she was fuming. Last night had not helped, this sync test had really not been necessary, and seeing the distraught look on Asuka's face the whole time she spent in her Entry Plug had left her worried, as a consequence, she had spent a rather short night.

Kaji couldn't have picked a worst day to play with her nerves. 'Why did you do this ? Don't you think I've got work to do ? And what's the point ? Do you think he'll just tell you everything he knows ? You're an idiot ! If you keep going like this, you'll only manage to get killed !' She let this last thought sink in for a bit. 'Don't get me wrong, I understand... You've always been obsessed by the truth. And I can't blame you for this, I'd really like to know the truth as well !'

"I need a beer." She let out in the empty room. There was so much in her mind at the moment with all these secrets that she dared to hope that the guard outside would hear her and toss her one. Of course, nobody answered her plea.

'We're not so different, you want the truth, I want the Angels dead. But tell me, Kaji, what good is the truth if you're dead ? It hit me recently. I've been living only for revenge since even before I joined NERV. But I'm tired now. I want to live a normal life for Heaven's sake ! And I want... No ! I need you to be a part of it. I learned that thanks to the kids. If they can be happy together why couldn't we ? I know this is selfish, but you know what else is !? Disappearing right after we got back together !' She stood up and kicked the bed she was sitting on "Ow !" Her scream was mixed with the muffled thump made by the impact of her foot with the plank which constituted her bed base. She sat on the ground, her knees to her chest, taking deep breaths to calm herself down. This was getting her nowhere, she couldn't change what was happening, the only thing she could do was get used to the idea. He had already made his decision. 'I swear, if you get yourself killed I'll never forgive you as long as I live !'

She stood up slowly, as if all her strength had left her body and dragged herself back on the bed to lie down on her left side. 'You know, I'm still afraid of the dark. Except when you're with me. Please Kaji, don't die. I'm tired of being miserable, sad and hopeless. ' She wriggled a little, trying to find a more comfortable position.

.

.

It had been far too long since the three roommates had spent a nice and enjoyable evening together. Two Angels had been defeated since the last time, and the last one had attacked over a month ago. Things didn't start well, however, as Shinji seemed to be the only one in a good mood. Things got better as time went on. Shinji's meal helped, but the driving force was that the three of them really needed a break from everything that was happening.

Misato was cheerily intoxicated, celebrating in her own way her reunion with both her young charges. She wasn't completely drunk, just enough to get a small buzz that made her feel jolly. It was also to help her cope with what she knew had happened during the day. She was concerned, but she really wanted to enjoy this moment.

Shinji was smiling. He just couldn't help himself. Things were getting back to normal now that Asuka had come back. It was a small, shy smile, but it was there. It was so rare to see him like this that it was bound to have a positive effect on his roommates. However, his eyes betrayed how worried the boy was.

Asuka was really, genuinely happy to be there, to share this delicious dinner with them. However, she also looked gloomy. Shinji didn't like that, it was so unlike her to sulk like this... It was more like him, he thought humorlessly. She was doing her best to act like she normally would, but he could see how forced it was. When they were together in their room, she didn't hide it from him. That being said, she didn't talk either. She kept what was eating her up to herself. Shinji didn't want to push her, he knew better, so he said nothing, but he desperately wanted her to tell him, if only to share her burden.

Things almost got out of hand when Asuka grabbed the last part of the Black forest cake left in the fridge from yesterday's meal. Misato had tasted it the night before. Shinji had thoughtfully left her a plate of yesterday's meal in the fridge, along with a piece of the cake. She had loved it so much that she couldn't resist and tried to snatch it from Asuka the second she had turned her back. It didn't go well. They started arguing and yelling. Shinji had to intervene, as the two women were about to jump at each other's throat. Misato couldn't win against them both, so she let Asuka eat that last piece, but not before making Shinji promise that he would make another one soon.

.

.

Asuka and Shinji went to bed soon after, while Misato stayed a little longer, doing the dishes. It was her penance for trying to shamelessly steal Asuka's dessert.

Nothing was different between them, yet everything had changed. It had just taken three words. Three little words that they had not said nor heard in far, far too long. They were still in Asuka's bed, as was usual, still snuggling together, arms wrapped around each other.

"Asuka ?" He whispered delicately. "Do you like Beethoven ?"

She opened her eyes as an evil smirk appeared on her face. "Why would I like Beethoven ? You say that because I come from Germany ?" She answered, trying her best to sound offended. "You know that's racist, right ?"

Shinji squirmed uncomfortably. "I-I... It's just... I mean..." He was completely shocked by what she had just said, that she could even think this of him. He tried, but he was speechless.

That's when she started laughing. "I was kidding Shinji ! Why are you asking me this ?"

Still shocked, but reassured nonetheless he took a few seconds to calm down. "T-There is a tradition here in Japan. In December, there are concerts of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony. I wanted to go to a concert with you for..." He trailed off for a second. "For your birthday."

Asuka loved the idea. She had always loved this symphony and despite, or maybe because of the memories hearing it would bring, she wanted to go. However, she was still feeling playful from her previous joke. "Are you sure that will be enough ?" She said sounding a tad disappointed while looking him right in the eyes in the darkness. "I mean, it's an okay gift, but you seem to forget that now that I came back from Unit 02, one might consider that I have two birthdays."

"I... Erm I... Th-that's the only idea I had." He said desperately, trying with all his might not to stutter or sound disappointed himself, and failing spectacularly at both.

"Relax idiot !" She said smiling kindly to him before kissing him gently on the lips. "That's a wonderful gift. I'd really like to go to this concert." She then laid back down, her head on his chest. He let out the breath he was holding in a sigh of relief. They stayed like this for a moment before Asuka broke the silence. "Stop worrying about me, idiot. I'm fine." Her tone wasn't aggressive though. 'If you stop, I swear I'll kill you with my bare hands.'

"How did you know ?" He asked completely taken by surprise. He had done his best not to let it show.

"I can barely breathe. If you held me any tighter you'd probably break some of my ribs. That kinda gave it away." She couldn't hide her disappointment when he loosened his embrace though. He couldn't see it, thankfully. 'I'm not ready Shinji. I can't tell you why I am who I am and what I saw... Not yet.'

"Sorry." He was feeling disappointed too. He hadn't done it on purpose, but that could have been a good opportunity for her to tell him what was bothering her. 'How can I understand you if you won't say anything ?' He thought sadly. But he didn't have to understand her to help her. He gently caressed her back 'If you don't want to tell me about anything you don't have to. I'll always be there for you.' That's what he had told her when they kissed for the first time.

"Idiot." She said tenderly. Maybe it was enough to make him understand. Silence once again enveloped them before she changed the subject. "Why did you go see Wondergirl in the hospital ?"

He fidgeted a little, making her move in unison to keep her comfortable place on his chest. Even having been separated for this long did not change this habit. Because of the contact, of course, and also because they could speak more freely like that than when they were face to face. "Since the nurse didn't know where you were and..." He trailed off before resuming. "And since I was scared to face Toji after what happened, I wanted to make sure that at least she was okay." He snorted humorlessly. "In the end we barely talked about her because I was too preoccupied about you..."

She smiled at that last statement. 'Take that, Wondergirl !'

"I feel bad though..." He continued, unaware of what Asuka was thinking. "She's been isolated her whole life, just like me. It's unfair to ostracize her like that."

The thought had never crossed her mind. She had always disliked the First Child after she had rejected her. She hadn't tried to understand why she was like this. It didn't even cross her mind that she could be just like she used to be, isolated, alone. "Yeah... I guess you're right." She couldn't disagree with him. It indeed was unfair, nobody deserves to live a life of loneliness. Her smile vanished when she said that. She was about to continue when the sound of something heavy scraping on the floor made them both jump. They were about to shrug it off when they heard desperate wailing through the paper thin door.

They got on their feet and rushed outside of the bedroom. The sight that greeted them broke their heart. Misato was kneeling in the kitchen, her elbows resting on the table, she was cradling her head in her arms. She was crying and shouting in front of the telephone, oblivious to the rest of the world. Her body shook with each powerful sob. She didn't even move when a hand gently squeezed her shoulder. Shinji and Asuka came on each side of her in an attempt to support her.

"Misato ?What's going on ?" Asked Asuka worriedly. She didn't answer, she didn't even seem to realize that they were here with her. Her body kept rocking violently as she continued crying. Hesitantly, scared as if the answering machine would burn his finger, Shinji pushed the button to replay the message. Asuka raised her head in shock as she heard the voice belonging to the person who had left the message and as understanding dawned in her mind.

"_Katsuragi, it's me. I'm sure you're listening to this message, especially after I caused you so much trouble. Sorry. Please tell Ritsuko I'm sorry too. Oh, and there's one more thing. I've been growing watermelons. I'd appreciate if you could water them for me. Asuka knows where they are. Katsuragi, take care of the kids, I'll have to lay low for a while. If I see you again, I'll say the words that I couldn't say eight years ago. Bye."_

_This message was recorded at 12:02 PM._

"He's gone." It was almost imperceptible, but the Children heard it, and it shook them to the core. Misato had stopped shouting as soon as she heard Kaji's voice mail, just to hear his voice again. Asuka squatted next to her, she couldn't say anything, so she looked in her sorrowful eyes, her own glimmering with unshed tears. Shinji's hand squeezed the grieving woman's shoulder a bit tighter. "He abandoned me. All for the sake of his stupid quest for truth..." She trailed off, looking away from Asuka, in the distance.

"... We... We're going to a concert in a few days. W-would you like to join us ?" It was lame and he knew it, he just couldn't find anything else to say. Maybe it would take her mind off this. Asuka glared at him when she heard his question, she didn't want anyone to come with them. Her wordless reprimand died as a tired sigh escaped her guardian's mouth.

"... I'd like that." Was all she said, without inflexion, still staring at nothing, her Children's presence soothed her mind, it reminded her that despite Kaji's absence, she wasn't alone. She was still crying, albeit silently now. She couldn't stop crying even if she had wanted to. This pain, even if it were alleviated by her wards, was too much.

Shinji felt powerless. He hated that feeling. He could get inside a giant robot and fight against ungodly monsters, yet he was incapable of helping the woman who had helped him on so many occasions. He wanted to help her so much. That's at this moment that he realized that despite everything, he was still just a child. That didn't mean that he would let Misato face this tragedy alone, though. Silently, he moved away from them to prepare some coffee for everyone, this night was going to be long.

Asuka, still crouched next to Misato, took her hand, a bit too roughly and motioned with her head for her guardian to stand up. Her jaw was clenched, she had a deep frown on her face. They got up and walked to the living room. Misato sat on the couch while Asuka plopped herself down angrily on a pillow on the ground cross-legged, still frowning in a -very- angry scowl, a dark and cold stare adorning her features. Neither of them talked, they just sat there, alone together, thinking about the message, its owner, and what it meant.

A few minutes later, Shinji joined them, a tray in his hands with three mugs on it. He had prepared Misato a simple strong coffee with two sugars, her favorite. He gave Asuka a latte, her favorite hot beverage as well. He had thought about fixing himself some tea, but thought coffee would be better, the bitterness of the liquid would go well with the mood, he gloomily thought. He had served each of them in their favorite mugs, hoping that this simple attention would at least help a little. When he gave her her latte, he brushed discreetly her hand to try and relax Asuka, who was looking angrier by the minute.

They spent most of the time in silence, just drinking their coffees, sometimes talking a little. Asuka never spoke a word, however. After having finished her coffee, Misato seemed almost calm, resigned. "I'm going to take a shower." She said, deadpan, in fact, she sounded empty. Nobody acquiesced. She left without uttering another word.

"Asuka ? Talk to me." Shinji had waited for Misato to leave before asking his girlfriend to share what she was feeling.

"Drop it." She sounded furious. The kind of calm fury that always sent shivers down Shinji's spine. He flinched, but didn't back away. He heard the water stream from the bathroom.

"No. I can see you're angry, tell me what's going..."

"Leave me alone !" She shouted. Her anger finally winning over her restraint. This message had been the last straw. She had already enough to deal with ever since coming back from Unit 02. "Kaji abandoned _me_ too ! Just like everyone else before him ! Just like Mama !" Tears were coming dangerously close to falling down from her deep blue eyes full of anger. "You're gonna abandon me too so you might as well do it right now !"

"No." He said trying to sound as confident as possible. He was scared, and unsettled by what she had just said, but now was not the time for that. He stood up and came close to her. He knelt down to try and hug her, only to receive a violent right hook in the face for his trouble. He fell on his side and held his bruised cheek with his left hand for a few seconds, trying vainly to stop his head from spinning. Yet he didn't back off, he wouldn't run away like last time she hit him, so he came back to her and took her in her arms as quickly as possible, effectively preventing her from punching him again. She struggled for a while with little strength. A part of her wanted nothing to do with him at the moment, but the other part just screamed at her to let him hold her. She finally settled down and slumped in his arms, her head dropped on his shoulder. She weakly raised her arms to return the embrace, clutching his shirt desperately. "Asuka, I couldn't abandon you even if I wanted to. I'm far too scared of you to do that."

She laughed, finally letting go of some of her tension in the comfort of his arms. "Not scared enough, obviously... You're okay ?" She asked when what she had done hit her, concern evident in her voice. She felt reassured by the fact that he was still holding her close to him, he wouldn't had he been mad at her. That wasn't a reason to make it a habit, however. It was the second time she had hit him, the second time she had lost control. She didn't want to wake up alone one day because of her temper, and she knew this would eventually happen if she wasn't able to control herself.

"Oh this ?" He said in a light tone. "It's nothing. You should see the other guy !" They both laughed against each other. The joke wasn't very good, but in their state of mind, it was as if it had been the best joke they had ever heard. They stayed like this a moment before Shinji stood up and went to the kitchen to prepare three more coffees. Asuka never stopped looking at him.

When Misato came out of the bathroom, a hot coffee was waiting for her on the coffee table. She didn't even notice Shinji's red and slightly swollen left cheek as she slouched unceremoniously on the couch. "Well... Happy birthday to me."

.

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A/N : Sorry for the delay ! Christmas is a busy period where I work so I didn't have time to write ! I tried, and I thought I'd be able to have this chapter up sooner, but there's just so much that happens in so little time ! There was a _lot more_ that should have been included in this chapter but hey, this was such a good breaking point that they even used it in the series !

So I got stuck on almost every part of this chapter ! I hope it turned out well, don't hesitate to tell me ! I always enjoy having positive reviews !

I also want to thank you all for sticking with me, we have crossed the 100 followers threshold ! You can't imagine how grateful I am ! Thanks everyone ! You're the best !

Bye !


	13. Picture in a frame

The room he was in was pitch black and large enough to remain cool despite the post Second Impact perpetual summer's heat. The air was stale, however, courtesy of the lack of air conditioning, or windows for that matter, in the room.

His chair was uncomfortable, especially since he had been sitting on it for hours. His handcuffs would undeniably leave marks if they had not already bruised his flesh. He wasn't sure, he couldn't check with his own eyes. His hands were numb due to his restraints obstructing his bloodstream. So he just sat there, waiting to be released or executed by his captors. He didn't really mind either way anymore. All these machinations, all these schemes were making him weary. Especially in the last months. Especially when the last remaining shards of humanity, that he had thought were long gone, manifested themselves, makings things he had repressed for years awaken and stir inside him.

Regret ? Guilt ? The manifestation of his conscience ? Whatever it was, it was now impossible to ignore for the benefit of the Scenario. Torturing children had always been part of it, he knew. He had accepted that. In theory, it had been acceptable, the reality was quite different. Seeing Yui's offspring's dedication to the Second Child had reminded him of how he used to be... Before he decided to follow the man who wanted to prevent humanity from being able to make its own decisions. If, even after being manipulated into being incapable of forming any deep connexion with any other human being, Shinji Ikari had managed to find some semblance of happiness, maybe a world where people live, no matter how stained with sin it was, was not such a bad thing.

There would be no salvation for him, he had no illusions about that. He could have ran away to hide somewhere, or he could have died with his honor intact. He had chosen a third option, he had chosen to survive, which could be considered brave or cowardly, depending on the point of view, and so he had to face the consequences, yet said consequences were about to get even more extreme, as his superior was already coming up with ways to set the Scenario back on its tracks. He knew what that meant. The collateral damages that were the Children were going to be the prime victims of the Scenario's alterations. This thought alone made him flinch. There was no saving his soul anymore, but maybe, just maybe, he could do something to try to atone for his past cowardice, something to maybe set things right.

If Yui was aware of what was happening to her child, and what was about to happen to him, she would probably destroy each and every person involved in the Human Instrumentality Project, her ex-husband and himself included, he thought.

His musings were interrupted by a light which forced him to shut his eyes for a second before he turned his head, not showing any emotion. "Oh, it's you."

"Long time no see." The silhouette answered before approaching him. "I've put the guards outside to sleep for a while."

"This will cost you your life." He said as Kaji knelt behind him to remove his handcuffs.

"All I want is for the kids to be safe." Kaji answered in his usual nonchalant tone as the cuffs fell noisily on the ground. Fuyutsuki was glad to feel blood pumping freely through his hands after so long.

"This is a noble and selfless cause. Your enemies are powerful, however." He replied deadpan. It wasn't a threat, just an assessment of the situation his interlocutor was in. He massaged his wrists as he stood up.

The response was peculiar, coming from the Sub Commander, and Kaji realized it. "I sure could use informations." It was risky, but it had been his plan when he decided to come and free Fuyutsuki from SEELE's grasp. So he asked him, there was no use beating about the bush with this man.

"Maybe you and I should have a talk." He declared as they both walked out of the room. "Not here, though."

"Just tell me this. Why ?" Kaji couldn't hold back his curiosity. His plan was working, or seemed to at least, but he wanted to understand. He looked around a corner to make sure their path was clear. It would have been a shame to get caught now that things seemed to be looking up.

"Let's just say the end might not justify the means anymore." Fuyutsuki stated as calmly as always. He didn't want Kaji to know what he really felt. Anticipation. Apprehension. He was also feeling a little like a rat deserting the ship, now that the Scenario was compromised. It didn't matter, however, he should have never been on this ship to begin with. He was a professor. A man supposed to teach youngsters, to help them. Not torture them psychologically. This endeavor was going to be taxing for the old man, nevertheless, he couldn't stay idle anymore. He was one of the few people who might be able to make a difference. This would have to be enough for now. He had been granted a second chance. He wasn't sure he deserved it, however, he was determined to make it count.

They left the building in silence, their footsteps resonating in the empty hallways, accompanied only by the cicadas.

.

.

They eventually went to bed. Both of them had been trying for the past hours to simply stay awake, their eyes closing for a little longer every time they closed them, the effort required to open them again more important each time. Neither of them wanted to leave Misato alone for the remainder of the night. She was forced in the end to order them to go to bed, reminding them that they had to go to school on the next day. The three of them had just been sitting there in silence for the last hours anyway, so there was little to no point in them staying in the living room, Misato thought, even though she was glad for the silent comfort her charges gave her. She did not thank them, there was no point. And she was too absorbed in her own thoughts to think about politeness.

Ever since Misato got out of the shower, Shinji had been racking his brain to try, without success, to find a gift for his guardian until he couldn't resist anymore and fell asleep with Asuka in his arms, who had already been sleeping for a while. He smiled a little when he managed to see her peaceful expression as she moved from her usual spot close to his heart. She looked peaceful, which soothed him a little. She hadn't really been herself since coming back. She was her usual self most of the time, but sometimes it seemed forced, even more than usual. And there were those moments when she wasn't even trying. These moments scared him the most. She would either openly slump as if she were overwhelmed by whatever was eating at her or she would simply be completely out of it. Either way, Shinji hated seeing her like this, so he was glad to see her get some respite from her demons when she was sleeping.

As usual, they had not paid attention to their old teacher droning about Second Impact, however, this time it was for very different reasons. Asuka was sulking about everything that was happening to her since coming back from Unit 02, while Shinji was still trying to come up with an idea, barely paying attention to all of his surroundings. He had to find it, to find something that would cheer her up, it was the least he could do. There were just too many things going wrong at the moment for him not to do anything. And he could do nothing to help Asuka. He had tried, and was still trying, but he couldn't reach her. He didn't know if she didn't want him to or if she just wasn't ready.

For her part, she had been forced by Shinji to add frustration to the -too- long list of things that were bothering her. She hated that he was not giving her his complete attention as he had been doing for the past months. Nonetheless, she understood. She had started to like Misato more and more as time went by, and she had to admit that she liked living with her, despite how much of a slob she was. She didn't like to see her completely desperate as she had been the previous night. She was used to seeing Misato being cheerful and annoying ! So she let Shinji try to comfort her, since she knew she wouldn't be able to do it, it was just not her thing.

The answer to Shinji's conundrum was so simple that he couldn't believe how long it took him to find it. The last hours of class were like torture to him. He couldn't stop fidgeting on his seat, waiting for the bell to ring to be able to reveal his grand plan to Asuka. Seeing him like this made her feel a little better, his unfamiliar enthusiasm had contaminated her as soon as he had told her what their present to their guardian was. And despite the fact that he had been the one who found the idea, he kept telling her it was their gift. She had to admit, it was really good. All they had to do was buy a frame and wait to see the look on Misato's face.

She couldn't hold back the tears when she unwrapped the now framed picture. It was a simple black frame with a photo which had been taken at the hot springs, one of the few ones that had immortalized the three of them, and Pen Pen, of course ! Shinji didn't even remember its existence until, thinking about all the time he had spent with Misato, he remembered looking at a camera's lens back at the Onsen.

Misato was at the center of the photo, holding the penguin tightly in her arms. She was surrounded by her charges. On her right was Shinji, a shy, embarrassed smile on his face. He looked like he was trying to make himself a small as possible, without leaving the frame, because he knew Misato wouldn't have let him get away with it. That didn't mean he didn't try, since he was a bit further away from Misato than Asuka, who was on her left, winking while making the peace sign with her right hand. She had been in a good mood after having killed the Eighth Angel... Still being alive didn't hurt either.

The picture represented a simpler time, far from the schemes and the brutality of Humans and Angels alike. Their efficiency at the time made them think they were invincible, that this war could be won. They all carried their own burdens, of course, but they didn't feel as overwhelming as right now. They felt like they could be, if not dealt with immediately, at least put aside until the time was right.

But this picture meant so much more. It meant that no matter what life would throw at them, from falling into an active volcano to the disappearance of a loved one, they could always rely on each other. This picture was to become a reminder of that simple yet paramount fact. It needed no explanation. They all understood the underlying message.

Misato, not able to control herself anymore (not that she tried very much), crushed both Asuka and Shinji in her arms, and for once, they both felt genuinely happy to be victims of one of Misato's bear hugs. Soon, the three of them were enjoying a nice group hug which only helped consolidate the bond between them. Eventually, Misato released her wards only to go hang the picture in the living room, so they would be able to see it every time they would need it. Now all they had to do was prepare for the concert.

As she got ready, which meant changing out of her school uniform and putting clothes that were more suited for the occasion, Asuka couldn't help but feel jealous. She wanted the same comfort Shinji was giving Misato with that picture. That damn picture that was almost mocking her. They all were there for each other. She knew that. She knew that Shinji was there for her, he would help her in a heartbeat with what she saw in Unit 02... With what happened to her when she was younger. He would understand. He was the only one who could understand. All she had to do was tell him... And that was the problem. This frustrated her to no end, she wanted to. She just couldn't. She still wasn't ready. It was stupid, she was getting more withdrawn every day, so it was getting harder and harder to tell him. And she knew that one day, he wouldn't even be there anymore to listen to her if she continued like this.

It was gnawing at her. She wanted to explode, to break everything and scream at everyone unlucky enough to cross her path, to drive them away so she could enjoy her downward spiral alone, in peace. The only reason that made her control her anger was Shinji, who, despite also being one of the reasons for her current state of mind, was also the only reason for her not falling apart. 'I'm glad you're there, idiot, but we both know I don't deserve it.' She hated him right now. Because he wasn't running away. Because he was there for her. He was forcing her not to be her egotistical and selfish self. And she loved him as much as she hated him because of that.

However, she realized quickly that there were only two ways this could go. He would either help her through all this until she got better, or she would drag him down with her. She didn't want that, she wanted him to be happy, or at least she didn't want to be responsible for his woes, and she hated thinking like that. It would have been so much easier if she didn't care about him. She forced her eyes shut and took a deep breath.

"One runs the risk of crying a bit if one allows oneself to be tamed." She chuckled cynically, thinking back to this quote from the Little Prince. She had never expected to be in the fox's shoes one day when she read that book when she was younger.

Being like this was getting on her nerves. She wasn't even sure of what she had seen inside Unit 02, how come it affected her so much ? And how could she verify it ? She couldn't ask her Eva, it was just a weapon, how could it answer her ? Did she really want to know ? It would probably take time, but she knew she could do like she always did if she wanted to, bury it as deep as she could and never think about it again. Then she'd be able to get back to her normal self. She wouldn't admit it to herself, but she was scared. Scared that what she had seen inside Unit 02 was the truth. Because if it were, it would mean that her mother had abandoned her intentionally.

.

.

Misato cursed herself for the what must have been the thousandth time since they arrived at the concert hall. She uncrossed her legs and crossed them again. It was a rookie mistake, really, and she should have known better. Really. She should have known not to accept to go to a concert without knowing what said concert was. She had expected some pop music like what Shinji was always listening to on his SDAT. She would have enjoyed that, she liked the singer's voice in the last tracks. She even had dared to to hope for some hard rock or something. Anything that could clear her head.

It's not that she disliked classical music or anything, it's just that she found it so boring !

She was trying, really trying, with all her might, not to show how bored she was, but she knew she was not doing a very good job at the moment. She just couldn't stop fidgeting on her seat. She had to make an effort. A few sighs had already escaped her lips. She rolled her eyes, slouching a little more on her seat and tried her best to stifle a yawn. And she knew the most boring part had not even started yet. This was going to be long. She really didn't want to ruin the concert for her charges. She could see how much they were enjoying themselves. 'Ugh ! How long is the concerto again ?'

Shinji was absolutely fascinated. He had already listened to Beethoven's 9th Symphony a few times but seeing it performed live was a completely different experience ! He had never been to a classical music concert in his young life. To be fair, he had never been to a concert at all. His teacher never saw the point in taking him to one.

Seeing the conductor gesture to one section of the orchestra to an other, moving seemingly at random, yet maintaining the harmony of all the musicians in front of his was astounding to him. All the members of the orchestra played and stopped at exactly the right time, giving life to the music sheets before them, each of them adding their contributions at the perfect moment. He couldn't isolate all of the myriad details of this composition, of course, however, it didn't prevent him from thoroughly enjoying the experience.

At one point during the third movement, he managed to pry his eyes off the violinists' hypnotizing bows and the cellists which captivated him with their dexterity to stare at his girlfriend's face. She had her eyes closed and a serene expression on her face, as if she were completely absorbed by the music. At this precise moment, after studying her face for a few seconds, Shinji Ikari had a very strange epiphany, one that should have sent shivers down his spine. However, it felt so natural at the moment that it didn't perturb him whatsoever.

He wanted to thank his father. Because of his father, he became an Eva Pilot. Because of his father, his life was more hectic than it ever had been before. But he wouldn't change that for the world ! He had friends, he had Misato, his mother/big sister figure, and most importantly, he had her. All the pain, all the sorrow was well worth it as long as he had her in his life. He squeezed her hand gently, making her smile softly before he turned his gaze back to the cellists.

She had very fond yet conflicting memories of this symphony. The first time she had listened to it was when her mother made her listen to an old CD from 1989. She only had vague recollections of it, obviously. Listening to it afterwards always made her feel wistful because of that. This time was no exception, nevertheless, it was also different.

She had always thought that the third movement was boring, the second movement had always been her favorite. However, this time, the third filled her with a sense of calm, of serenity... Of determination. She had never truly understood it before, but now it made her feel at peace. Just like when she was in Shinji's arms at night, when he would chase her nightmares away. He had his fingers intertwined with hers, which emphasized those feelings. He never released his hold on her hand. Their palms were a little sweaty but she couldn't care less. This time, for the first time, thanks to him, the Ode to Joy spoke to her. For the first time, these lyrics managed to make their way into her heart.. It was what she had needed. She had beaten around the bush for far too long already. She had to see for herself what was inside Unit 02. After that, when she would know, she would be able to start talking to Shinji, she would be able to get better.

.

.

Pen Pen had been looking at what was happening in front of him for quite some time, trying to make sense of it. His three roommates, even though he considered them more as his guests, were sitting at the table, eating. Well, not exclusively. Misato was drinking a beer on her seat, her back to the kitchen, which was not extraordinary in its own right, what stood out to the penguin was that she was drinking it really, really slowly, taking little sip after little sip, not downing it in seconds as she usually did. The most surprising thing was that she just kept the can to her lips, yet she was not drinking ! And it was her first beer of the evening ! Shinji was eating quietly, he looked almost normal compared to his roommates. Almost, because occasionally, he would glance to his right to look at Asuka with what could only be interpreted as worry. A few times, he looked like he was about to say or do something, then decided against it and continued eating. Asuka was eating, her chopsticks clanking noisily each time she brought them to her plate. Other than that, she was silent. Completely silent, as if lost in her own thoughts. She was usually so noisy, it was really strange.

He didn't understand those humans sometimes. A month ago everything seemed to be perfectly fine, then Asuka disappeared for a month, and now that she was back none of them seemed happy anymore. He shrugged before waddling back to his fridge. Maybe nobody, even her, wanted her back. That was the only logical explanation.

Since her talk with Shinji last month, Misato had decided to make an effort to spend more time with her charges. It had taken her some time to figure it out, but she needed to be a better guardian for them. 'I guess there's a lot going on right now... I just wish we could have a nice dinner like we used to.'

"I'm finished." Asuka stated while getting up. She took her plate and brought it to the sink. She then left in silence as the telephone started to ring. She didn't even pay it any attention as she walked to her room.

Seeing that no one was going to pick it up, Shinji stood and went for it. Asuka stopped, then resumed her previous action once again.

"Yes, hello ?" Asuka had almost reached her room, her shelter when she was interrupted for a second time. "Asuka ? An international call from Germany for you. It's your mother." Shinji called out to her before she managed to leave. He offered her the phone with a shy smile.

"For me ? From Mama ?" She said shyly, yet with little inflexion, as she grabbed the phone. Shinji kept looking at her while she started speaking German in front of him. He saw her blush a little while answering her interlocutor.

Deciding not to intrude into her privacy, even though he couldn't understand a single word that she was saying at the moment, he decided to go wash the dishes. He couldn't help but listen to her, however. It fascinated him to hear her speak another language. The feeling was peculiar, she was still the same person, her voice was still the same, but he had never heard her speak German for a long time like this. He had almost forgotten that she wasn't Japanese. She sounded so exotic ! When he was done with the dishes, he went to the living room and lounged on the couch, still idly listening to his girlfriend voice.

"Mother..." He thought wistfully. She had never told him anything about her mother. The only time he had mentioned her mother, Asuka had stampeded to her room, her eyes full of tears. 'Why does her mother not call her more often ? And why does Asuka never call her ?' He didn't realize it, but he had started to flex and relax his hand. He was getting angry. He couldn't understand why Asuka would just not call her mother if she had the opportunity. Her mother was alive ! His train of thought was cut short when he heard that Asuka had ended the call. He stood up and turned to her. "You sure talked for a long time." He said, trying to remain as calm as possible. He knew he was glaring at her, he just couldn't help it, his hand was still flexing and relaxing.

"Well, it's our usual bit of communication." Asuka answered with a hint of disappointment in her tone.

"It must be nice to have a family to talk to." Shinji replied as sarcastically as he could. He felt bitter. It wasn't completely Asuka's fault. Maybe she had not told him about her family not to hurt his feelings. It was unintentional, but he felt almost betrayed by her.

She didn't seem to pick up on the caustic comment. "Well, just in appearance. It's only on the surface. She's not my real mother anyway." Shinji's anger disappeared instantly as she said that. "My father moved on with his life rather quickly..." Shinji had walked around the couch and was now facing her. He grabbed her hand with his own. "But it's not like I hate her or anything. I just don't deal with her well. We still talk from time to time because she's my step-mother... Otherwise she would probably have given up like everyone else..." She then added with a smile "You know more than most how I can be !"

They chuckled a little together, still holding hands. "People never gave you the chance you deserve."

She smiled. That same smile that made his knees weak. A smile that he had not seen for more than a month. "Thank you, idiot." She let go of his hand and finally managed to get to her room.

Shinji stood there, watching the door behind which she disappeared. "You're very nice to her." Misato stated, breaking him out of his musing.

"She doesn't show it, but there's something wrong. We have to be there for her." He said with authority, turning to face her.

"You two are really good to each other. You're more confident in yourself. You have not stuttered once while talking to her ! I'm happy for you." She added with melancholy. "I'm very proud of you two." Having said that, she went to the bathroom.

Shinji could hear the bathtub filling up, and since Asuka probably needed to be alone, he decided to go to his old room to occupy himself with some homework.

.

.

The water was draining slowly from the bathtub. There probably were hair again clogging the drain. Asuka was standing in front of the bathtub, naked, the stopper in her left hand, looking idly at the water level going down. "What's happening to me ?" She asked herself quietly. "This is disgusting !.. I should feel sick just thinking about bathing in the same water as Misato and stupid Shinji !"

When the tub was only two thirds full, she put the stopper back in its place. "Yet somehow... It almost feels... Comforting." She said as she turned the hot water on. Bathing in the same water meant that it was usually too cold when the last person got to take their bath. "I don't get it !" She was getting more upset as she continued with her introspection. "I've lived only for myself for so long... It feels so... Alien. And now I don't think I could ever go back to it..." She trailed off, still watching with disinterest as the bathtub was getting full again. "Stupid Shinji ! This is all your fault !" Despite her accusation, she couldn't help but smile softly.

Her smile vanished quickly, however, as a cramp forced her to hold her stomach. She groaned in pain and grit her teeth. "Ugh ! I hate this !" She cried out to externalize her pain. "I don't even want children !" She took a deep breath after closing her eyes. "Right ?.." She frowned at herself while turning off the tap, her right hand still nursing her stomach. "I'm not sure anymore..." She paused. "Things really were easier when Shinji was just an idiot who cooked my food... But he... Loves me... Maybe I'm the idiot." She chuckled humorlessly before getting into the bathtub.

.

.

It was getting quite late when she got out of the bathroom, clad in her pajamas. Shinji was probably already asleep in their bed. She stayed in her bath longer than usual, the warm water doing wonders to her aching stomach. She slid the bathroom door shut quietly before navigating the apartment.

"Asuka ? Are you okay ?" She tried to conceal how startled she had been at hearing Misato's voice.

"I'm fine !" She answered vehemently as she tried to calm her heart rate. Her abdominal pain didn't help with her patience either.

"You know, you shouldn't preoccupy yourself with those things..." Misato continued quietly, not reacting to Asuka's anger.

"Are you kidding me ?" That did it. "You were listening to me ? What the hell Misato ?" She screamed, not caring if Shinji was asleep anymore. Nor the neighbors, for that matter. This intrusion on her privacy was too much at the moment.

"I didn't mean to... I just heard you through the door." She whispered, trying to make her charge understand that shouting this late was not something that should be done.

"I can't believe it ! I'm never truly by myself anymore, except when I'm in the bathroom ! And even there I have to be aware that you could be eavesdropping ?!"

"Asuka... Calm down, you'll wake Shinji. I really didn't mean to. And I promise it won't happen again. I just couldn't ignore what you said." She saw Asuka take a deep breath, maybe talking about Shinji was a good idea to calm her.

"What is it ?" She spat. She wasn't screaming anymore, but she was still extremely angry. "You're going to lecture me now that you intruded into my privacy ?"

Misato tried her best to ignore the sarcasm, it still hurt though. "... You grew up too fast, Asuka." She said, sitting down on her chair at the kitchen table. "Lots of things happened to you... Things you didn't deserve..." She was taking her time to carefully pick her words, the situation was tense enough as it was. Asuka sat down, opting to stay silent for the moment. "You have a lot of responsibilities on you shoulders, so you shouldn't bother yourself with this right now... You have to appreciate what you have." She lowered her head and took a deep breath before looking her charge in the eye again. "Don't squander your chance to be happy." She sounded thoroughly sad, probably thinking about Kaji, Asuka mused. "You and Shinji have a good influence on each other. Focus on this. You can think about all these things later."

She stopped and waited for a reaction from Asuka, who kept silent. She was looking right back at her intently, with animosity, but also with something else. She was really taking into consideration the advice her rude guardian just gave her.

Seeing that she wasn't answering, Misato continued. "I'm sorry I listened to what you said. But I want you to know that if you ever need to talk or anything, I'm here." She smiled warmly, tilting her head to the right a little. "I've been neglecting you since you arrived in Japan. That's an other thing I've messed up !" She tried to sound playful, but it was obvious that she took it seriously. "I want to make it up to you. We're a team ! And I'm supposed to be your guardian, it's about time I start acting like that !"

Asuka's anger had receded quickly once Misato had started her monologue. Receded, not vanished. She had not expected this. She just wanted to go to bed, she was too tired to argue. She could hold some grudges though. "... Thank you..." She didn't know what else to say. She was still angry, of course, but it was nice to know that Misato was there for her as well. She would probably never ask her anything, but it was nice nonetheless. She had wanted Misato to act more like a guardian, even if she would have never admitted it. That was something she absolutely did not want to admit, but she was starting to get tired of handling everything by herself.

She left without saying an other word. She wanted to go to bed, to find comfort in Shinji's arms. They had a sync test the next day, and there was something she had to do.

.

.

A/N : Okay ! This one's been hard, I don't really know why ! I get the feeling that the two last chapters are a bit too slow. As I said before, there's a lot that happens in a very short time. And everything is important !

But hey ! Next chapter will have the battle against Arael ! Everything is planned for. I just need some time to flesh out the last details !

Last thing, it's almost been a year since I posted my first chapter ! Honestly, I still have trouble believing it, but it's still going strong ! Happy birthday !

As usual, thanks for reading, thanks for the follows, favorites and for the reviews !

Bye !


	14. Town with no cheer

"Ugh !" She had tried to be angry when she got out of her entry-plug but all she could manage was annoyance and frustration. She was tired. To be more precise, she was completely exhausted.

She knew that she wanted to know, that she wanted to reach out to whatever was hiding inside her Unit 02, so she focused all her efforts towards that goal during this sync test... To no avail. Sync tests were usually nothing much to her. She had to get inside the entry-plug, concentrate a little if she felt like it and leave. And she had the highest sync rate, usually. This time she had to really concentrate in order to find what she was looking for. If there was something to look for in the first place. She could feel something, like a distant presence lurking, watching her from afar. She didn't know what it was or how to reach it, but she spent all this time trying to get closer to it. But the more she tried, the farther it seemed to get.

She could sense it. So she didn't give up, and even though she had failed, she would try again on the next occasion she would get. She was Asuka Langley Soryu. She didn't give up. But she was demoralized. Not only did she fail in getting to the bottom of what was in Unit 02, she also got her worst sync rate since arriving in Japan.

She sighed again loudly, waiting for the elevator. "What a colossal waste of time !" She exclaimed in the empty hallway. All she wanted was to get out of this accursed place and go back home, where things were not as bad.

Punching that wall was starting to feel like a very good idea... Idea that she quickly dismissed however. Shinji would notice. He would see even the tiniest bruise on her knuckles and he would ask questions she didn't feel like answering. His puppy eyes were already breaking her heart enough, she didn't need to give him more reasons to be sad and worry about her.

She was barely able to suppress a jolt when the elevator doors opened and revealed Rei Ayanami. She covered it by rolling her eyes in an exaggerated fashion before stepping inside, leaning on the wall to her right, her arms crossed.

Rei... Yet an other thing on her to-do list. 'Just... Shut up, Wondergirl. Stay quiet. I'm not in the mood !' She thought angrily. However, Shinji's words kept repeating themselves in her head. And for once she had the opportunity to do something. She was being selfish, again. 'I know it's unfair, but I already have enough to deal with.'

"The Eva won't move unless you open your heart." As if on cue, Rei talked in her usual emotionless tone.

Asuka sighed again. "If it's so easy, how come you're so far behind me and Stupid Shinji ?" She answered as angrily as she could. She just sounded tired, not at all like she usually sounded when she got angry.

"Because I cannot." A hint of annoyance could be heard in her inflexion. She had tensed very slightly upon hearing "Stupid Shinji".

"Why do you always have to be so cryptic ?!" She was raising her voice. "Forget that. Why are you talking to me all of a sudden ?" She couldn't begin to comprehend why Rei would chose this day of all days to talk to her.

"I do not trust the Pilot who is to replace you."

This statement hurt. Bad. The last thing she wanted was to be replaced. She had trained to be the best most of her life. They couldn't replace her like that. It was unfair. She didn't show it however"... Yeah. Right. Because everyone knows you trust me with your life !" She still hadn't accepted that Rei had declined her friendship, as a consequence, her statement sounded false. Asuka was in a whirlwind of emotions, all of them negative, just because of one sentence. She wanted this conversation to end. She was exhausted, all she wanted was to go home and sulk in peace.

"You are a valuable Pilot. The three of us have already defeated several Angels together. Moreover, Pilot Ikari trusts you, that is enough for me." All these were facts. Just plain statements, nothing more, nothing less, yet it made Asuka feel a little better. 'I really must have lost my edge.' She thought bitterly.

Ding.

Asuka was taken aback by this answer. It was the first time Rei had told her something which could be interpreted as a compliment. Or something even remotely positive, for that matter. "... Erm... Thanks ? I guess ?.." She answered as she got out of the elevator. Rei followed suit, which puzzled her, since she was standing just in front of the doors. "What ?" Asuka snarled without turning.

"I wish to discuss further things with you." Rei said as calmly as possible, but she was unnerved.

Asuka really couldn't be sure but she would have sworn she heard worry in Rei's voice nonetheless. "My, my... You're a real chatterbox ! Who would have thought ?" She answered sardonically.

"Can I accompany you ?" Rei asked, all emotions gone from her once again.

"Don't you think it's already been enough for one day ?" She asked as clearly as possible 'If she can't understand sarcasm, I'll make it clear for her.' She was at her limit now. She avoided speaking with Rei even when she was having a good day, she didn't need to chat with her right now.

"Please, Pilot Soryu, this is important." Rei didn't react when Asuka tried and mostly failed to stifle a gasp. She knew this must have sounded desperate coming for her, but she had to tell her what was happening.

"Ugh ! Fine ! Whatever !" Asuka answered, defeated, and intrigued, she couldn't deny it. She knew Rei would not give up easily, the best thing to do was to hear her out and maybe eventually she would be done with this day.

They both walked in silence in the corridors leading out of the Geofront for a few minutes. Asuka was getting pretty annoyed at her fellow Pilot's silence. 'If she wanted to talk, why isn't she talking right now !?'

"There are surveillance systems everywhere in the Geofront. I don't want this conversation to be overheard." Asuka heard Rei say. It startled her a little, it was as if she was reading her mind. She rationalized it quickly though. It probably wasn't that hard to guess.

"We're out now."

"Commander Ikari suspects that you and Pilot Ikari are romantically involved."

"Wha..? We... That's none of his business !" Asuka stopped dead in her tracks and turned to face her fellow pilot. Terror etched on her face. It quickly turned to rage and hatred. "And none of yours either !" She screamed, her face red from embarrassment and anger.

Rei stayed silent for a few seconds, studying the redhead's face. "Indeed. It is not. The Commander is not sure yet, however, he is actively seeking confirmation. He has asked me to report to him if I were to learn that you were in a relationship."

"So you asked me just so you could go back to this asshole and tell him everything like the good little doll you are ?" Asuka was -very- glad to be this angry, otherwise she would have blushed so much at the word relationship that even Rei would have gotten the message.

"I am not a doll." Rei answered calmly.

"You are a doll ! You're going to run to your beloved Commander and tell him everything that just happened ! I ha..."

Rei sternly cut her, without even raising her voice. "I am not a doll." She repeated for emphasis. "And I am not going to tell him anything." She trailed off, still scrutinizing Asuka's face, which adorned a mix of terror, anger and incomprehension. When she didn't speak up, Rei resumed. "I just wanted you and Pilot Ikari to be aware that the Commander is watching you."

Asuka was about to explode when what Rei just told her, and what it implied, hit her. "I... Thank you, Wondergirl."

Rei didn't do anything to acknowledge Asuka's gratitude. She just turned on her heels and walked away. Before she got out of her sight, Asuka drew her attention once again. "Wondergirl ?" Rei stopped and turned around to look at her fellow pilot. "And thanks for taking care of the idiot last month. I owe you one." Rei nodded then continued walking.

.

.

Later that night, Shinji and Asuka were idly lounging in their room. Shinji had put a pillow between the wall and his back to make his position more comfortable. Asuka was leaning with her back against him, snuggled in his arms.

"... I'm sorry... You know... For punching you." She broke the silence after some minutes, her voice was low, just above a whisper.

"That's okay, I understand." Shinji answered, squeezing her reassuringly.

It would have worked on most people, but not Asuka. "Don't !" her voice wasn't calm nor low anymore. "You shouldn't accept that ! I don't want you to think that this is normal, idiot ! I don't want you to accept when I hurt you." Her voice cracked a little, but she mostly kept her composure. This was important, she had to make him understand that even if she lost control sometimes, she didn't mean to, and moreover, that he had to stand up to her.

"I'm sorry." He answered meekly.

"No ! I am sorry." She emphasized. "I hurt you. Don't be sorry ! You can't lower your head and accept when someone hurts you, not even me !" She sounded angry, but she just wanted to make sure he understood.

"You were sad... I can't blame you for this." Shinji reassured her once again. She had already enough bothering her. He couldn't put another burden of her shoulders. He could take it. He would take it, for her.

There was a somewhat uncomfortable pause before she spoke again. "Why do you put up with me ?" She couldn't deny the fact that she feared his answer. She wasn't even sure why she asked the question, it just came out.

Shinji took some time to answer. Too much. Asuka elbowed him a little too harshly to make him answer faster. "... You are you."

"That doesn't mean anything." She said, annoyed and rolled her eyes for good measure. He couldn't see it but she was sure he felt it !

"I know." He answered with a smile which annoyed her just a bit more. "I-it's just that... I... I lo-love you. All of you... I just wish you'd talk to me when something is bothering you." His voice got more sullen.

"That's not who I am. I can't just tell you everything like that." 'Like you did' She added mentally.

"You don't have to do this by yourself." He answered, half-pleading, half-disappointed.

"I know." Her voice got mellower. "You'll always be there for me." She felt him tense suddenly as she said that, hugging her a bit too tight and too forcefully. She laughed gently. "What ? You think I'd forget ? Don't worry, I'll make sure you keep your promise !"

Shinji calmed down and caressed her arm a little as if nothing happened. "Then let me help you." He said with determination.

"You already help me." She turned her head so they could look at each other. "Much more than you think. I... There are things I have to deal with before I can talk to you."

"Okay." He agreed, with just a hint of disappointment. "That's enough for me."

"Really ?" She raised an eyebrow. "I didn't think you'd be so easy to convince."

"You're the Great Asuka Langley Soryu." Shinji declared as solemnly as possible. "You have one word ! Thus I know that you will tell me everything eventually !" They both chuckled softly.

"I... I can't argue with that." She rested her forehead against his, looking in his deep blue eyes for what seemed like the first time in ages. "Thank you, Stupid Shinji." She wriggled in his arms until she was mostly facing him, her forehead still against his. They looked in each other's eyes until, in unison, they got closer and closer.

They closed their eyes as their lips met in a passionate kiss. An intimate moment that they had not shared for a long time. Ir crossed Shinji's mind that the last time they had shared a moment like this was before she got absorbed in her Eva. As a consequence, it got more intense quite rapidly, both teenagers getting caught in the moment. They slipped under the cover and before they knew it, Asuka was on top of Shinji, straddling him. When they broke the kiss, Shinji looked at her with loving, albeit dazed eyes, breathing heavily. Asuka opened her eyes and smiled at him, panting a little, trying to conceal her own feelings as much as she could. Her long red hair cascading messily on one side of her face, her cheeks flushed. "By the way, Wondergirl knows about us now. And your asshole of a father is onto us. What's the matter with him ?" She had to change the subject or things would have escalated too quickly. Both their hands were already under the other's shirt. Shinji's were on her back, and hers on his stomach.

Shinji's expression became serious in an instant. "We can't get caught ! He already tried to get rid of you. He tried to replace you !" He frowned and continued through clenched teeth. "I won't let him."

"He can't get rid of me !" She said in a light tone, beaming because of how much she enjoyed his concern for her. "As you said, he already tried ! We'll just have to be even more careful." She then planted a small kiss on his lips. "Stop worrying about it and sleep, idiot."

.

.

_Signal from Eva Unit 02 showing no problems._

_VA connection and fusion are normal. Rate of proliferation is within expected limits._

Asuka was standing in front of her Evangelion in its cage, her arms crossed. The Eva was getting prepared for the sync test, all she had to do was wait until it was ready. She just stood there, consequently, on the gangway.

"I always thought you were just a puppet. That all you had just been created to obey my orders..." She said to her Eva glumly. "But I need to know if what I saw was true." She frowned defiantly. "What are you hiding from me ?.. Are you really inside ?"

She didn't get an answer. All she could hear was the low humming of the machines surrounding her and the lapping of the liquid submerging most of her Eva.

"Did... Did you choose to stop being my mama on purpose ?" She tried to look at the giant before her menacingly, but she had to close her eyes to keep the tears at bay. She took a deep breath. Just before the alarms started blaring.

_All hands, battle stations, level one ! Prepare for anti-air combat !_

"I'll find out eventually ! Just you wait !" She barked. "This Angel just bought you some time !" She added as she ran towards her entry-plug. She wouldn't run away. She would get her answers. Nothing, not even an Angel would stop her.

.

.

"Angel visually confirmed. Here is the highest magnification." Aoba said, putting the satellite image of the Angel on the Command Center's main screen. The most angelic looking one so far. It looked like a gigantic pair of wings attached to a body which features could not be seen. The whole creature seemed to be made of light, emphasizing its angelic appearance. It stayed in its place, motionless.

"It isn't budging from its satellite orbit." Hyuga continued, not raising his eyes from his own screen.

"It's maintaining a set distance from our location." Aoba confirmed, trying to find something that could help them in the upcoming battle.

"Which means, it's waiting for a chance to descend and close in, or it can attack us without the need to do so." Misato stated. As usual during battle, she looked calm. She was trying to come up with a strategy to dispose of this new threat.

"We can't make a careless move at this rate." Makoto answered.

"Either way, we can't do anything about it unless the target moves within our firing range. The Eva Units aren't capable of attacking anything in orbit." Misato thought out loud. She was getting worried about the Children.

"We have three Evas and there's nothing we can do against this target." Aoba said dejected. Every battle was different, making it impossible for them to be able to rely on a strategy that had already worked in the past.

"That's it !" Misato exclaimed. "A simultaneous shot from the three of them on a set point might be enough to neutralize the Angel !" She opened a comm window with the three Evas. "Everyone's ready ? The target is not moving from orbit. We will have to use all our long-ranged weapons in conjunction with the others to maximize our efficiency and try to destroy it. Shinji, Toji, you'll use the positron rifles. Rei, you'll use the positron sniper rifle."

"Unit 01 will use the sniper rifle." Commander Ikari chimed in before the Children could answer.

"Yes sir." Misato answered, puzzled. She decided not to discuss the Commander's orders. "Now. Since the different projectiles you will be using do not travel at the same speed, you will have to rely on a countdown which will tell you when to shoot." She then added in a lighter tone. "I don't expect anything but perfection from you guys ! Good luck !" She winked as she closed the communication with the Evas.

"Yeah. No pressure." Toji said sarcastically. Despite his comment, he felt confident. He had been training a lot in the past month in simulations, so in theory, he knew how to use his weapon. He didn't need more.

"Consider yourself lucky. It was way worse when that Angel fell from the sky !" Shinji joked to lighten the mood. At this moment, all three Evangelions got launched to the surface. Shinji went further back and got in position, waiting for the tech crew to finish preparing the weapon while Rei and Toji went next to the catapults which were to bring them theirs.

"Aren't we sending Unit 02 ?" Makoto asked. He was monitoring the Pilots so he had a direct video feed from the four entry-plugs, Asuka's included.

"It's been put on suspension under Commander Ikari's strict orders." Misato answered. 'I suppose it's not surprising after what happened.' She added mentally. She didn't like this. She felt conflicted. On the one hand, she couldn't disagree with the Commander's decision, having seen with her own eyes what Unit 02 was capable of in the last battle. On the other hand, she knew that if the situation was to go bad, Asuka would be very difficult to handle.

.

.

"The rain feels weird." Toji said to break the silence. The tension was growing with every second. His positron rifle arrived at this moment, he retrieved it and plugged it to its power source.

"Yeah. It's the first time I fight in the rain." Shinji answered, his weapon was charged, he only had to wait for the countdown to begin. He looked to his right, to his comm windows. Toji was just putting the targeting system on while Rei was picking up her own positron rifle. She didn't betray any emotion. He wondered for a second what she could be thinking about before focusing back to the battle. He didn't have a comm window opened with Asuka. It wouldn't have been justified, and since it was now official that the Commander was meddling in their private life, it was far too dangerous.

From the corner of his eye he could see Toji aiming his rifle towards the heavens above.

'Come on come on come on come on' Toji kept repeating this mantra in his head as he was waiting for his reticles to align. "What the ?.."

"Toji ! Move !" Shinji screamed as a blinding beam of light descended from the sky directly on his friend.

"Aaaaaaaargh !" Toji shouted at the top of his lungs as his Eva started convulsing.

.

.

The alarm started in the Command center where everyone was completely stunned by what they were witnessing. "Is it a direct energy weapon ?!" Misato asked urgently.

"No, I'm not getting any thermal energy readings." Aoba answered.

"His psychograph readings are agitated !" Maya looked scared when she shared this information "Mental contamination beginning !"

Ritsuko looked utterly terrified. "The Angel is launching a psychological attack ? They can comprehend the mind of a human being ?" This could have dire consequences.

.

.

"Goddamn it !" Toji screamed as he started shooting his rifle at random. He kept unloading his weapon, while groaning in pain until it clicked empty. He kept pulling the trigger several times in his pain induced confusion before dropping the positron rifle.

"I'm going to help him !" Shinji shouted as he abandoned his position.

"No. You have to stay at your position." Commander Ikari said in his coldest voice. He was starting to have enough of his son's attitude. He didn't want him to put Unit 01 in harm's way.

"That wasn't a question, Father." Shinji spat the last word, then added sarcastically. "I'm sorry, but I don't have time to argue with you. My friend is in danger." As he talked, he got his Eva closer to Unit 03. He stopped for a few seconds before charging the Eva as quickly as possible, tackling it outside of the beam of light. The plan would have worked perfectly if the impact had not killed most of his momentum. Now, Shinji was the one trapped in the light.

.

.

"Rei ! Go down into Dogma and use the Lance ! Hurry !"

"The Lance of Longinus ?!" Fuyutsuki asked with evident concern. "Ikari, that is..."

"This is our only way to bring the target's down. We do not know what the consequences will be for Unit 01. There is no time to waste." Gendo's worry was enough to shut the Sub-Commander up.

"Analysis of the ray of light ?!" Misato demanded, trying not to listen to Shinji's screams of pain.

"It's an energy wave within the visible spectrum ! It's similar to the AT-Field, but details are unknown !" Makoto answered.

"What about Shinji ?" Ritsuko asked Maya. She couldn't read what was on her screen.

"He's in danger ! The mental contamination has entered Y !" Maya answered, her eyes still fixed on her screen, she didn't want to miss any critical information concerning the Pilot's status.

"Monkey-boy ! Do something !" Asuka's scream paralyzed everyone who heard it. It was filled with hope and despair at the same time, with helplessness and terror.

"Toji can't help him. His plug was ejected as soon as he got out of the light." Misato told her, there was no point in hiding the truth from her.

"I'll go then !"

"No ! Your Eva is frozen. You have to stand by." Misato ordered with as much authority as she could, hoping it would be enough.

"Like hell I will !" Was Asuka's answer. She then started to get her Eva free of its restraints in order to make her way towards the elevators.

"Major." Gendo said. He didn't have to say anything more. The order was very clear.

"Increase the pressure of Unit 02's LCL to maximum." Misato ordered, her head low, just loud enough for the crew to hear. She had to. She didn't have a choice. She cut the communication with Unit 02 at the same time, too ashamed of herself to listen to what Asuka would say. She didn't even pay attention to the conversation that was occurring right behind her back.

.

.

"Aaaaaargh ! Stop ! Stop ! Stop it ! Stay out of my head !" Shinji screamed at the top of his lungs. His throat was getting sore, his screams more and more hoarse.

"Shinji ! Get out of here ! Fall back !" Misato shouted but Shinji didn't hear her.

"Aaaaaaaaaargh !"

*Flash*

Shinji was standing in a large room. His father, Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki and Doctor Akagi were behind him. He was just in front of a window, smiling and waving at his mother. She was looking at him for what would be the last time before she entered Unit 01's entry-plug. And before she was wiped from this existence. This memory had always been with him. The Angel just showed him what he had subconsciously repressed for years.

*Flash*

"Leave me alone !" His voice was getting weaker.

*Flash*

He could barely see anything. His whole vision was filled with reddish orange. He was hot. Very hot. With some effort, he could see his Eva's hand, outstretched as much as possible. He could also see a second hand. Unit 02's. Just out of reach.

"Shinji ! Shinji !" He could hear her screaming. He had never heard her so terrified in his life. "I don't want to die !" He couldn't see the hand anymore. He had arrived too late. He failed to grab Unit 02 before it sunk in the volcano. "Shinji ! Please ! I don't want to die ! I don't want to..." She didn't have time to finish her plea. The last thing Shinji heard was a loud metallic sound. Then there was only static.

*Flash*

"Stop ! Don't ! I don't want to see this." He was crying from the visions, from exhaustion, from pain. There was something else, however, which came with the vision. It wasn't a voice in his head, more like a message imprinted in his mind : '_You could have saved her..._'

*Flash*

Shinji could see inside a derelict house, and more precisely inside the bathroom. There were wood panels everywhere, the ceiling had collapsed so the early morning sunlight could enter the room. Oddly enough, there was a chair still standing with neatly folded clothes on it. The bathtub was bent and rusty. He could see Asuka inside. She looked terrible. Her hair was messy, her cheeks creased, she looked tired and malnourished. She was soaking in tepid reddish water. "There's no reason for me to live now." She said as he came closer Terrified of the sight before his eyes yet incapable of doing anything or even say anything to her. He could see blood spilling from fresh wounds on her wrists.

*Flash*

"Leave me alone." His voice was now very weak. The simple act of speaking seemed painful to him. '_But you abandoned her...'_

*Flash*

He was now in an entry-plug. What startled him at first was that he wasn't sitting in the Pilot's chair. This early realization was quickly replaced however, by the foul stench filling his nostrils, making him dry heave before he could do anything else. He navigated with difficulty towards the chair. That's when he saw her. Asuka was sitting on the chair. She was dead. She had been for a long time. Her red plugsuit was dirty and seemed hollow. Her hair was dry and looked crusty. What shocked Shinji the most however, was her face.

Her skin was dry and rotten were it still stuck to her skull. There were maggots coming and going from the empty cavities of her eye sockets, and even more crawling on her face, the only exposed part of her decaying corpse.

*Flash*

"Please stop. Stop it. Stop invading my mind." He whispered weakly. '_But you ran away..._'

*Flash*

He was on a beach. He could hear the waves lapping gently on the white sand he was kneeling on. The night was eerily clear... And quiet. He was strangling her. He could feel how much pressure he was putting on her windpipe. She wasn't struggling, but he could see out of her right eye that she was alive. He didn't stop. He was begging his own body in his mind to stop. To let her breathe. He wished she would do something to repel him. She didn't move.

*Flash*

Shinji said nothing, he was holding his knees close to himself, whimpering. '_In the end, it was you who killed her._'

*Flash*

He knew that scene. It was during the fight against the Angel which took control of Toji's Evangelion. Unit 01 was holding Toji's entry-plug in its hand, squeezing it. However, this time, nobody came before he managed to crush it with his own hand.

'_You..._'

*Flash*

He was in his entry-plug, looking at a battlefield. He could see Unit 00 struggling against an enemy he could not identify. Suddenly, Unit 00 disappeared in a blinding light.

'_Killed..._'

*Flash*

Misato was sitting on the floor, inside a corridor of the Geofront. She was breathing heavily. She had her back against a door which led to an elevator. As Shinji saw more details, he could see that she was bleeding from a gunshot. Blood was also dripping from her mouth. Her breathing was getting shallower with each breath.

'_Them..._'

*Flash*

Shinji was standing in another corridor of the Geofront. It smelled like burning. As he took in his surroundings, he understood where the smell came from. Dozens of corpses littered the floor, some of them had been shot. Most of them, however, had been burned alive.

'_All._'

.

.

_Unit 01 has shut down ! Life support has developed a problem !_

"Pilot entering a dangerous state !" Maya exclaimed, incapable of hiding how worried she was about Shinji.

"No change in target." Aoba added. "Relative distance has remained the same."

"Probability of it moving within firing range is 0.02%." Makoto finished the status report.

.

.

Rei was finally getting back to the surface, the Lance of Longinus in her right hand. She had never ran this fast in her life. She had experimented feelings she was very unfamiliar with for the first time. Fear for her fellow pilots. Fear for Shinji. Frustration. The cable lowering her Eva to the depths of the Geofront was excruciatingly slow, so much that she had to cut her communications with everyone. She couldn't stand hearing Shinji's screams of agony. Each scream was tearing a hole in her soul. For the first time ever she also felt helplessness.

"Unit 00, prepared to throw." Aoba said.

"Target confirmed. Adjustment for errors made." Makoto declared.

"Beginning countdown." Maya stated. "T-minus ten seconds."

Upon hearing that, Rei got into position and started running before throwing the Lance with all her Eva's strength towards the Angel. A bestial wail came from the Eva as it threw the weapon. Shinji's screams had stopped, which had terrified her even more. She was expecting the worst. At least when he screamed she had proof that he was still alive.

Maya had just said "eight" when the Lance left her hand and flew through the clouds, dissipating them at the same time, allowing the sun to shine unobstructed on Tokyo 3, then breaking through the Angel's AT-Field like it wasn't even there before piercing its core and destroying it.

"Target has been destroyed." Rei heard Aoba confirm. She cut her communications again and rested her head on her chair's headrest and exhaled, closing her eyes, physically and mentally drained by the battle.

.

.

Shinji was sitting on the floor, right next to the lift that was bringing his Evangelion back to its cage. He wasn't moving, seemingly oblivious to the behemoth's face in front of him, the slow beeping of the alarm or the cicadas' stridulations. He also seemed oblivious to the footsteps which were quickly approaching him.

"Shinji !" Asuka was furious at Misato, but now was not the time. Shinji had been hurt during this fight. She didn't want him to be hurt. So she wanted to be there for him, to help him go through this. She had heard him. Heard every single word he had said. Heard his silence. She couldn't begin to imagine what it must have felt like to have his mind violated by this monster. "Shinji ! Are you okay ?" He didn't move. He just sat there.

She didn't care that the Commander would see her. She didn't care about anything except him, she just wanted him to be safe. She swiftly ducked under the quarantine tape and got in front of him, putting her left hand on his shoulder and raising his head with her right. "Shin..."

She fell silent as she saw him. She understood when she looked directly into his blank, emotionless, cobalt stare... Into these empty eyes which usually expressed so much emotions, which always made her feel butterflies in her stomach. She understood in a heartbeat that something was wrong with him. She knew this expression. She had seen it before. At this moment, she felt very, very small. As if she were four again. "Shinji... Please... Don't... Don't stop being my Shinji."

.

.

A/N :

Sorry !

I know, believe me I know ! It's been far too long since I last updated. I just got stuck for a very long time on that first part with Rei and Asuka. It didn't feel right at all and I just couldn't find a way to make it better ! The worst thing is that once I found a way, writing the rest of the chapter didn't take long at all !

Arael is a difficult fight to transpose. Even now I'm not sure I did it justice ! Especially since I had to take into account the -very important- fact that Shinji isn't Asuka. He doesn't talk much about his problems but he hasn't buried them as Asuka did, so his mind is easier to be read, in my opinion, by Arael. Also, I could have said something about Third Impact during his visions, the fact that he was responsible for the extinction of Humanity, but I don't think it would have been that relevant. Shinji is a very introvert child, so I don't think he would be that interested in the Human race in general. I think more concrete examples like his friends and family have more impact on him.

Anyway, I'm rambling ! I hope you like this chapter ! And I'll try to post the next ones in a more timely fashion. No promises though, I don't want to disappoint you guys !

Oh, one last thing, I just want to thank Vjdkddk a lot !

And as usual, thanks for reading, for the favorites, follows and reviews !

Bye !


	15. The one that got away

It had left her paralyzed. Numb. It wasn't true. It couldn't be. She didn't move when they took Shinji away on a stretcher. She just automatically followed when two Section 2 agents helped her up roughly and put her in a car.

Her shock didn't dissipate. She wandered aimlessly from room to room in the apartment. Sometimes she sat somewhere, on a chair, on the couch, other times she just paced, still wearing her plugsuit. It had been a pragmatic decision at the time, she wanted to get to Shinji as soon as possible so she didn't shower nor change before she came to see him. And she couldn't think about anything else since she had seen him. Her hair was coated in dry LCL. She reeked of blood. She couldn't care less. Shinji was gone. Exactly like her mother before.

When she finally came to her senses, she was standing between the doors of his former room and hers. Their room. Her Shinji had been ripped away from her. Of course, he was still there physically, however, the same couldn't be said for his mind. She didn't need to wait for a diagnosis to know. She had already seen it all before. She collapsed on her knees right there, in the corridor. For the first time in over a decade, Asuka Langley Soryu broke down. There was no pretending anymore at this moment. She didn't even care if Misato came back home right now. She couldn't take it anymore. Too much had happened in too little time. It had only been a week since she had been salvaged from her Eva. And during this week, she had lost the two most important persons in her life. And she had been betrayed by her guardian. The same woman who was supposed to be there for her. And there were still all the questions she had concerning her mother.

So, at this moment, she laid down her walls and cried. She screamed and wailed unintelligibly, covering the ringing phone with her despair.

Eventually, she calmed down. Almost automatically. It was over now, she had cried enough. She stood up and went to the living room. The sun was already low in the horizon. It was obvious now that neither Shinji nor Misato would come back home tonight. She had expected that much. Misato could say what she wanted, she had proved that she didn't care about her as much as she pretended to. She went to the bathroom and turned the bathtub tap before shedding her plugsuit. "She could have called, at least..." She whispered to herself.

She wouldn't admit it, but crying her eyes out had soothed her. And soaking in hot water relaxed her even further. She was exhausted and unable to hang to a thought for more than a few seconds. In this blissful torpor, her bad memories didn't come to haunt her. The overwhelming ache in her heart was dulled. She dried herself quickly and left the bathroom with a towel loosely tied around her. She didn't care about such a mundane thing. Nobody was there to see her.

She didn't want to be alone. She had never wanted to despite how she acted around others. She went to Shinji's old room without even realizing it. When she saw where she was, she began to turn around to leave when something caught her eye. There, in this dark room, she noticed something that wasn't in its place. The room was as clean and tidy as ever, the bed was neatly made, everything was in its place. 'He's always expecting me to kick him out.' She thought bitterly. 'It wouldn't be the first time...' She hated herself for that. She didn't want to push him away, sometimes she just couldn't help herself. And now it was too late to make things right.

However, there was something on his bed that shouldn't have been there. The t-shirt he had been wearing the night before. The salmon shirt he also wore when they first kissed. She hated that shirt. It was the embodiment of the boy's lack of a fashion sense. It was far too big for his small frame, not to mention the color ! That being said, she also loved it because of what it reminded her. It was the shirt he had been wearing when he took his most important step towards her. When for the first time in a long time, she had felt safe with someone.

Without even thinking about it, she dropped her towel on the floor and put his shirt on. She then went to his desk and grabbed his SDAT before leaving to her room to put on underwear and a pair of loose shorts. Finally, she got on her bed, put the headphones in her ears and lulled herself to sleep with his music and his fading scent.

.

.

She woke up in a cold sweat. It was the middle of the night. She didn't remember falling asleep. The day's events had taken a toll on her. That didn't mean she was to get some rest. Her nightmares came back with a vengeance. Shinji wasn't there to shield her from them. Even worse, he had been the main tormentor of this new nightmare. It had started like an old one, she was looking in a hospital room through a glass panel. She expected to see her mother, as she was used to. The horror started when she saw Shinji. He was sitting on the hospital bed, his hair was longer and messier and he was wearing a hospital gown. He was holding something in his arms, almost cradling it, caressing its red hair.

"I love you Asuka. I'll always be there for you." She wanted to move, to run away from this torture. Shinji was there, whispering sweet nothings to a doll instead of her. That same doll her Mother took care of before she took her own life. He told her things he had already told her, mixed with things she wished he would tell her, even if she hadn't realized it before.

This sight alone was already unsettling. It was only the beginning, unfortunately for her. "Please Asuka... Why won't you talk to me ?" Each word was uttered with so much pain that it made her flinch.

"Shinji !" She screamed through the glass. He didn't react, as if he couldn't hear her.

"Answer me ! Talk to me !.. I'm begging you !" He cried, his tears falling on the doll's head. She was crying too, watching, powerless, the scene before her eyes. He was breathing heavily, tears occasionally falling from his eyes. She couldn't see his face anymore. Suddenly, he grabbed the doll by its neck and started squeezing. "If you won't talk to me, then you'll die with me !" He finally shouted as he ripped the doll's head. The expression on his face absolutely terrified her. She knew this part of him existed. It broke her heart to see him deliberately hurt her. And at this moment, just before she woke up, she realized how much she was scared of him.

She couldn't help but sob quietly in her bed as her dream gave way to reality. She kept repeating herself that it was just a dream in her head. That he would never hurt her, he had told her so. His SDAT had stopped a few hours earlier when the tape ended. It was next to her head, the headphones entangled on the mattress. She hugged herself and breathed his scent on his shirt's sleeve. She didn't move, except for the occasional sob that she couldn't control, ignoring her rumbling stomach. She eventually calmed down and got out of bed as the sun rose, unable to ignore her hunger anymore.

As she passed next to the phone, she saw the blinking light of the answering machine. She pushed the button and kept going to the refrigerator. "Asuka, it's me. Shinji has to stay in observation tonight. They want to keep him in the mental ward. I promise I'll bring him home as soon as possible. In the meantime, please take care of yourself. I'll come home tomorrow anyway. Bye !"

"Like you give a damn !" She shouted at the answering machine. She had not forgotten what happened the day before. She hadn't forgotten that she hadn't been able to help Shinji because of her. Because she had betrayed her. Because she had betrayed them both. 'She's coming back today ? I'll give her one hell of a welcoming party.' She thought as she grabbed a club sandwich in the fridge and a small bag of chips in a cupboard. This was going to be a long day.

.

.

She had been dozing on the couch when she heard the front door hissed open. It took her some time to register the sound before she sprang to her feet and dashed through the apartment. She had been torturing herself for most of the day until her body couldn't take it anymore.

She stopped abruptly when she saw them. Seeing him instantly made her feel better. She didn't feel tired or desperate anymore. Even her anger towards Misato had vanished. Maybe he was okay. It was the only thing that mattered. She lunged at him and embraced him tightly. She didn't even spare a glance towards Misato. There would be time to deal with her. Right now, she just felt relieved to see him. She failed to realize that something wasn't quite right.

"Asuka, we need to talk." Misato said as Asuka released Shinji, who had not embraced her back.

"What ?" She snarled as she finally looked at her boyfriend's eyes. Her heart sank when she saw his blank expression. His still empty eyes. She wanted to lash out at her commanding officer, but she knew that she wouldn't be able to conceal her sorrow. She didn't want Misato to see.

"I understand that you're angry." Misato continued. She knew that she deserved everything Asuka would throw her. She also knew that now was not the time. They had to take care of Shinji first. Then, she would accept the Second Child's ire. This was the best plan she could come up with. She was exhausted too. She had not slept since the attack. She had hoped it would bring her some sympathy.

"Oh you understand !?" Asuka asked rhetorically. "Let me tell you one thing, Major, you have no idea how angry I am !" Misato's last sentence had been enough to rekindle the flames of her anger.

"Asuka !" Misato shouted to silence her. "I really messed up this time. I know. Believe me. I couldn't think straight back then. I thought I was protecting you from the Commander but I only managed to screw everything up." She paused for a second as she felt a tear roll down her right cheek. "I'm sorry."

"That doesn't change anything." Asuka's anger had receded a little. She could see how affected Misato was. "You know that I could have helped him." Her voice was low and filled with tension. "Because of you he was alone out there ! You let that thing rape his mind !" Her voice cracked, but she kept looking Misato in the eyes.

She had to stay strong to convince Asuka, so she tried not to flinch at what she last said. "... You're right." She was. Even his Father had done something to shorten Shinji's ordeal, she thought for a second before shaking off this preposterous idea. Shinji had suffered through this because of the Commander. If she started taking all the blame for herself, she was going to go crazy and right now she couldn't afford to. Asuka had not been the only one to torture herself after the debacle that was the last Angel fight. "I'll understand if you never forgive me. I won't blame you if you hate me." She was openly crying now. Her voice didn't crack however. "But we have to be there for him. I need you to trust me on this." She wasn't sure how Asuka was going to take that last sentence. She had to take the chance.

"Trust you ?" She didn't take it well. "How am I supposed to trust you ? How could we trust you after what you did ?" She decided to include Shinji, mainly to hurt Misato more. She knew that Shinji would have accepted had their roles been swapped.

"You think this is easy for me ?" She exclaimed. "I care about you guys as if you were my own kids !"

"Then you really have no excuse for what you did." Asuka lamented.

"You would have been fired !" Misato shouted. "Again ! Do you think this would have helped ?"

"I don't care !" This surprised her more than anyone else. A few months ago, being fired would have been the worst thing that could have happened to her. "At least he wouldn't have been like this." She added in a more subdued tone.

Misato realized at this moment how affected her charge was. She decided to take a different approach to try and defuse the situation. She had made a colossal mistake, now it was her duty to fix it. "You remember my scar ?" Asuka didn't react. She continued nonetheless. "I am the only survivor of the Katsuragi expedition. I was in Antarctica when it happened. I saw the Second Impact first hand." She lowered her gaze because of the painful memories. Despite her anger, Asuka stayed silent, her eyes still locked on her Guardian. "After that, I spent years like him." She looked back at Asuka and spoke with more emotions. "Years ! Because they put me in a hospital room ! Alone ! Please Asuka. I know what I did was inexcusable, and I know I don't deserve your forgiveness. I just need your help !"

It felt strange to Asuka to see Misato begging her like this. It didn't sound like her. She looked at Shinji, who still hadn't moved from his spot in the corridor. "... I can't." She said as she headed for the front door.

"What you can't do is leave !" Misato was screaming at her now. Not only with anger, but also with desperation. "He needs us !" She realized that it wasn't a good idea to put herself at the same level as Asuka after what she had done. Asuka had just finished putting her shoes on. "He needs you." She said more calmly. Asuka stopped in her tracks. "More than anyone else."

Asuka was standing in front of the door, her back turned to Misato. Nobody could see the tears on her face. "I know how this ends Misato." She said, her voice cracking a little. "I've already witnessed it." She opened the front door. "I can't see it happen again.". She didn't tell her about the nightmare she had and that she was scared to stay in case it would really happen. She left without waiting for an answer. Misato didn't try to catch her.

She stayed in the corridor, looking at the front door. Her tears had dried when she went to the living room. She had failed. On her way, she sat Shinji on one of the kitchen's chair.

Her eyes caught the picture on the wall as she was about to get to her room. She looked at it with more attention. She fell to her knees, still looking at it. It reminded her that she was alone now. "Goddammit." She whispered into the empty room.

Shinji still hadn't moved.

.

.

She walked for a long time, not paying attention to the people around her. There were not a lot anyway. They were scared after that last battle. If she had been in the mood to make jokes, she would have said something about thanking Toji for destroying half the city.

She arrived at her destination rather late. She had to squint to shield her eyes from the rays of the setting sun in front of her. She stood there, a few meters from where she had seen the Third Child after his battle against the fifteenth Angel. She wiped a bit of sweat from her forehead as she took in her surroundings. It had only been a day so nothing had changed. The security tape was still there, the only reminder of the Third Child's makeshift quarantine.

She looked to the spot where Shinji had been sitting the day before. The spot where all her hopes came crashing down. When she saw that the only person helping her was no longer there. She didn't want to run away. She wanted to be there for him. As he was... Used to be there for her. She just couldn't. She still, after all these years, had nightmares about her mother, she wouldn't be able to bear seeing it happen to Shinji. So she left. She couldn't stay there. It was too painful.

She stared ahead until a sound brought her out of her trance. A melody. One that was so close to her heart that it would have brought a tear to her eye if she had not controlled herself. Someone close was humming the Ode to Joy. A single tear managed to escape her eye as she closed her eyelids, images of the concert appearing in her mind.

"Singing is great. Singing enriches the soul. It's the crowning achievement of the civilization that the Lilim created." Said the person who had been singing. This cryptic sentence brought her back from her wistful reminiscence. Even there she couldn't even get a break !

"I'm not in the mood to talk to strangers. Get lost !" She tried to sound aggressive, she only managed to sound crestfallen.

"I understand. In that case, I am Kaworu, Kaworu Nagisa. It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Asuka Langley Soryu." He replied with a smile.

"Oh. So you're the impostor ! And I thought this day couldn't get any better." She answered sardonically.

"I am part of the design. Just like you." Kaworu answered, unfazed by his interlocutor's tone.

"Yeah well, don't get too comfortable ! Unit 02 is mine. And I won't let you replace me. Or anyone else for that matter." Asuka said, annoyed by Kaworu's lack of reactions to her sarcasms. He reminded her of Rei in that moment

"I never intended to replace you. Not that I would have had anything to say in the matter." His tone was kind, almost friendly. Despite herself, Asuka felt her resentment towards the Fifth Child ebb away little by little.

"Maybe. That being said, I know that some people want me out, and let me tell you, I will not give up my Eva without a fight." After all, she felt like Unit 02 was all she had left. The last thing she could hold on to.

"Why ?" He asked, still smiling softly.

"What do you mean why ?" She retorted harshly.

"Why do you want to keep on piloting if it brings you this much pain ?" He wasn't smiling anymore. He could see how despondent she was, so the answer genuinely interested him. He waited for several seconds, studying the Second Child's face. She was struggling to try and hide her pain. She knew that this question was pertinent. She had asked it herself a lot lately. She was starting to feel that giving up was not such a bad option anymore. When she failed to answer, he pressed on. "Moreover, why do you want to keep on piloting now that Shinji Ikari cannot pilot anymore ?"

He shouldn't have asked this question. "Don't you dare talk about Shinji !" Reacting like this was stupid and she realized it as soon as she said it. She just couldn't control herself.

"You chose to open your heart to him despite knowing what could happen." He smiled again. She could have sworn he looked proud of her, which didn't make any sense in her mind.

Having this stranger read her so well was particularly unsettling to her. This boy seemed to know everything about her and Shinji. "Incredible." She exclaimed, amazed. "Even the New Fish knows about us ! Is it too much to ask for some privacy ?"

Again, Kaworu ignored Asuka's caustic remark and continued. "It is very courageous of you. If you don't get close to others, you'll never be betrayed and you'll never hurt each other. But you'll also never be able to forget your loneliness. Humans can never banish their loneliness for good, because being human means being alone. However, you chose to take the risk of getting hurt in order not to feel lonely anymore. This is admirable of you." He paused, looking in the Second Child's eyes. "You may act aggressive towards me, but it is obvious that you are upset."

"Of course I am upset !" Asuka shouted, her eyes brimming with tears. She had just about enough of Kaworu's shrewdness.

"Then maybe I was born so that I would meet you..." He was still smiling. Which was starting to get on Asuka's nerves. She was about to berate him because of his cheap flirting attempt when he continued. "So I could tell you not to lose hope. Things will get better... And more importantly, that you deserve to be loved."

Asuka stared at him in astonishment. She was trying to parse what he had just said, and moreover how she was supposed to react. Her instinct was telling her to punch him in the throat so he wouldn't be able to say stupid things like this anymore. She then realized she had been staring at him for far too long so she decided to just answer him. " Sure. Whatever." This conversation had been long enough already, and she wasn't in control. He had manipulated her into saying things she didn't want to say so easily that she was scared it would continue if she were to keep talking with him. "You're finished ?" She tried to sound jaded.

"I'd like to talk more with you."

"No thanks." She cut him sternly before turning on her heels. Maybe a bit too quickly. She didn't care. This discussion had been far too upsetting. "Bye." She mumbled before walking away. He kept looking at her with a smile on his face until she disappeared from his sight.

.

.

"What a load of crap !" She said a little too loud right next to a middle aged man and her young son. She stared the father down until he looked away. If he had a problem with her, she was listening ! 'I deserve to be loved. Yeah. Right.' She had been wandering the streets of Tokyo 3 for hours. 'If that were the case, maybe the ones supposed to love me wouldn't abandon me one after the other !'. She didn't know where to go. She didn't want to see anyone.

In truth, all she wanted at the moment was to lay down on the asphalt and let herself die. This day had been far too harrowing for the young girl. She took a deep breath for the umpteenth time since her meeting with Kaworu to keep the tears at bay. She went to the first clothing shop she found. Section 2 was probably following her right now, so she had to shake them off. She thus bought a big black hooded sweatshirt that she used to cover her hair. She left the store at the same time as a group of people and disappeared into the crowd. The last thing she wanted was to be brought back to the apartment. Even if a part of her wanted to go back to her Shinji. The thing was that wasn't a Shinji to go back to anymore in her mind.

She felt like a fugitive, despite having no intention of leaving Tokyo 3. She decided to go to one of the ruined parts of the city, where she was sure no one would be. She eventually stumbled across a house which was less ruined than the others. That meant that its roof was still sufficiently intact. This would have to do for the time being.

.

.

Ritsuko was sitting in her office. The ashtray on her desk was full of smoked cigarettes. It was late in the evening. She didn't bother going home anymore. There was no point."I see, so she passed away." She did her best to hide her annoyance. She still had a lot of work to do. "Yes, probably, even cats eventually reach the end of their lives." 'That's what happens.' She thought cynically. She crossed her legs. She just wanted this phone call to end. "Don't cry anymore, Grandma." She couldn't just hang up. She was a poor, lonely old woman. Much like herself. "I will. When I get some time, I'll come home for a bit. I haven't visited Mother's grave in three years either." She wouldn't miss her granddaughter for long. The end was approaching quickly now. There was no point in getting sentimental now. She did her best to convince herself. "I'll call you next time. Okay, I'm hanging up now."

"So, she died." She looked to the little cat figurines on her desk. The only personal effects in the room. 'Soon, nothing will matter.' Or so she tried to convince herself. She kept looking wistfully at the two porcelain cats. She loved her cats. Losing one, even due to old age, was a little tragedy in the grand scheme of things, but a tragedy nonetheless.

Her musings were interrupted by her office door opening suddenly, almost violently. There was only one person who usually opened it like this. "Misato. Can I help you with something ?" Since the 12th Angel, the two women barely spoke to each other anymore. Nobody could have told they used to be close friends with their attitude towards the other.

"Do you know if Section 2 has found Asuka ?"

Ritsuko raised an eyebrow at the question. If she wanted to know that, she could have asked Section 2 directly. She didn't even know that the Second Child had been missing. She had been so deep in the bowels of NERV for so long that she didn't even know what was happening outside of her office or the Command Center. "How would I know ?" She answered tiredly. "Is it really why you came to see me ?"

Misato was a little surprised at her friend's insight. "I miss my friend." She decided to be straightforward. She was all alone now and she desperately needed to know that she could still count on someone. "Everything is falling apart around us." She declared woefully.

"This is about Shinji ?" She asked with a bit of annoyance. She had managed to avoid an uncomfortable conversation just a few minutes earlier only to have an other one forced upon her. The woman inside her was almost beginning to believe in karma.

"If only it were just about him..." She answered, staring vacantly into space. Her eyes suddenly darted back to her friend. "Can you believe him though !?" She continued with renewed anger. "He left his own son suffer through this ! I know I shouldn't be surprised anymore but he didn't even come see him in the hospital !"

'I know Misato. I was there the whole time.' She wasn't proud of how her mind was working at the moment. Her oldest friend just barged in her office with an olive branch. The least she could do was humor her. Moreover, she needed a friend too. It didn't matter how close the end was, she didn't want to feel this loneliness. Even the Commander was getting more and more distant. "You know, the Commander is a busy man."

"That's bullshit and you know it Rits ! This man doesn't even love his own son !" She barked back. She needed to vent out her frustration and anger. "I'm pretty sure he's incapable of loving anyone or anything !"

Despite her anger, the woman's reasoning was quite logical. It made Ritsuko uncomfortable thinking about it. It made sense. That's what she didn't like about it, so she decided it was time to end this conversation. "We should go out for a drink sometime. Soon." She added, once again absorbed in her own thoughts.

"Sure thing ! I'll call you ! Thanks Rits !" The Major said almost cheerfully, as if it had been a pleasant chat with her friend. She had been able to talk. That was enough for her.

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"It is impossible for us to recover the Lance of Longinus." The distorted voice of one of SEELE's Committee stated, obviously not pleased about the situation.

"Why did you use it ?" A second voice asked.

"We still do not have the planned number of the Eva Series." And a third remarked. This debriefing was more of a tribunal than anything else.

"I made destroying the Angel my first priority. It was an unavoidable situation." Gendo didn't care about this masquerade. The Lance had been used. There was no point crying over spilled milk. Besides, they should be aware that Unit 01 was of essential importance to their plan as a contingency. He of course didn't feel the need to mention his own plan.

"Unavoidable, was it ? You should make your excuses more convincing than that. Your recent actions have become intolerable." The first voice answered in an attempt to intimidate the Supreme Commander of NERV. Thankfully for him, the phone on his desk rang.

"Fuyutsuki, we're in the middle of deliberations here... All right." He hung up. "An Angel in currently drawing near. Let us continue this at another time." This was good news for the Commander. He didn't have time for such childish behavior. And technically, neither did the Old Men.

"If your seat is still waiting for you, that is." The second voice added, again in a vain attempt to intimidate Gendo Ikari.

"Ikari... Does he intend to betray SEELE ?" Kiel asked right after Gendo had left the meeting. His tone was mostly rhetorical. Mixed with disbelief.

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A/N : Sorry ! It's been a tough chapter to write. I got quite demoralized when I realized I had to rewrite the whole first part which was really bad ! Add the discussion between Asuka and Kaworu to the mix which was a huge pain to write and you have this ! A really, really late chapter ! The worst thing is that the part with Ritsuko and Misato for example came pretty naturally after that.

I am not giving up on this story, I want you to know that. As I said before, I have most of it planned (This discussion wasn't), and I want to see it through to the end. I won't give you release dates or anything like that because now I know better.

I want to say that I really appreciate all the feedback I get, the PMs, the reviews etc. They're like a kick in the butt and sometimes, I need that !

One last thing, I've not reread this chapter as much as the others, so if there are more mistakes than usual, please be kind !

Anyways, this is not interesting so I'll stop bothering you with my ramblings (If you have read until that point, hi !).

Thank you very, very much for everything !

Bye !


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